Moving to DR but Scared!!???

ma822431

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Jan 21, 2009
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I'm contemplating moving to DR in the next few months. My husband of 8 years may be deported for a criminal charge. I know this may evoke a plethora of negative feedback and personal judgements on his part. However, all personal opinions aside I would like to know if it is possible to find work enough to live and support my two children who are now school age. I'm also concerned about medical coverage and how (if at all possible ) I would be able to provide them with the necessities. I have also considered the private education in DR none of which I would be able to afford with American dollars I make now aprox.$40,000 yrUSD)

I know it is painfully obvious that learning Spanish fluently will make life all that much easier. I have visited DR (Moca) only once for a month with my husband. But I've been an American all my life and wouldnt have the first clue on how to live otherwise.

Any infomational advice is appriciated...
 

Lambada

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But I've been an American all my life and wouldnt have the first clue on how to live otherwise.

Welcome to DR1 :). Faced with your circumstances I think I'd be scared too - 2 children, not a lot of money, little Spanish (the latter is overcomeable, the other 2 remain as is).

Here's my suggestion: firstly wait to see if he gets deported. If he doesn't then presumably you remain where you are? If he does, let him make the move, set up home, find work for both of you (not too easy for you), find out how supportive his DR family will be. You and the children remain in the US meanwhile (I'm assuming you're in the US, but if somewhere else, insert that country). Once he has got it all set up, you visit (leave the children with a relative) and make your assessment as to whether it will work for you or not. If you think yes, then you can visit again with the children to see what they think.

He got you into this position, he will need to work hard to rectify the challenges it presents for you and the children. And they are many, so that is why I understand the 'scared' part.

Good luck whatever you decide.
 

DRob

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Aug 15, 2007
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Welcome to DR1 :). Faced with your circumstances I think I'd be scared too - 2 children, not a lot of money, little Spanish (the latter is overcomeable, the other 2 remain as is).

Here's my suggestion: firstly wait to see if he gets deported. If he doesn't then presumably you remain where you are? If he does, let him make the move, set up home, find work for both of you (not too easy for you), find out how supportive his DR family will be. You and the children remain in the US meanwhile (I'm assuming you're in the US, but if somewhere else, insert that country). Once he has got it all set up, you visit (leave the children with a relative) and make your assessment as to whether it will work for you or not. If you think yes, then you can visit again with the children to see what they think.

He got you into this position, he will need to work hard to rectify the challenges it presents for you and the children. And they are many, so that is why I understand the 'scared' part.

Good luck whatever you decide.

As is usually the case, Lambada's advice is excellent, and I agree wholeheartedly.

Best of luck to you and your family,

DRob :glasses:
 
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ma822431

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Thank you for the warm welcome to DR1 as well as for the good advice. Many thoughts have been roaming around in my head as far as options but what you have suggested is the best. I cant see leaving my job right away and stepping into the unknown immediately. All things considered this is the most logical advice I've had so far. Unless I somehow become independantly wealthy overnight it's the only advice I should take at this point.
 

Danny W

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You are "scared" and you have a "sacred" resposnibility, which of course is to your children. To put them in a situation that may be unstable is not really living up to that responsibility - at least that's how I feel. Good luck.
 
Feb 7, 2007
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You should consult a good immigration lawyer ASAP. Lots can be done to prevent, or delay, deportation. Because I suppose he is legally married to you, for 8 years, and you have 2 children out of marriage, both US citizens, it might be considered as "extreme hardship" for you and the children if he is deported. There are provisions of law for this. it would be up to an immigration judge to decide. You would need witnesses as to "good character" of your husband, such as priests, community leaders, etc. Depending on the offense, especially first offense, a good immigration lawyer may be able to avoid deportation.

There is also a way to apply for immigration parole from DOJ for all persons subject to deportation after serving time. Again, consult the immigration lawyer.
 

Lambada

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Thank you for the warm welcome to DR1 as well as for the good advice. Many thoughts have been roaming around in my head as far as options but what you have suggested is the best. I cant see leaving my job right away and stepping into the unknown immediately. All things considered this is the most logical advice I've had so far. Unless I somehow become independantly wealthy overnight it's the only advice I should take at this point.

Good. A sensible person & mother. No need for you to tell us what the criminal charge is but know this: if it is remotely connected to drug distribution it would be only too easy for him to slip into a network down here. Certainly pays a lot better than an office or technical job in the DR! The temptations would be high if he was this way inclined. Just something to be aware of which you might not know about.

Once again, wish you well. Read through the forums here - lots of info for new residents. Mostly it is geared to foreigners moving here but there are some posts about moving as part of a Dominican family.
 

Chip

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Good advice so far. Remember that getting a decent paying job down here is quite difficult if not borderline impossible - even more so in Moca. If you did move down here it would have to be a major city such as Santo Domingo or Santiago or one of the tourist areas - and this assumes you Spanish will be good enough to understand. Therefore, start studying just in case. A good salary for a college educated person down here other than a doctor would be US1000 a month. Research this forum for more info.
 
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Criss Colon

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Don?t Even Think About It!

In the USA you will live 100 times better without your husband than you will here with,(or even without) him. There is no ?Safety Net?here! No government programs to help ypu and your children! Take this ?pportunity? to be rid of the Dominican Looser! He will leave you for a younger girl the minute you get here! Trust me! Dominican men never take responsibility for their kids! You are his ?Safety Net?in the USA. Down here you will have nothing to offer him! He will be gone!
Cris Colon
 

SosuaJoe

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In the USA you will live 100 times better without your husband than you will here with,(or even without) him. There is no ?Safety Net?here! No government programs to help ypu and your children! Take this ?pportunity? to be rid of the Dominican Looser! He will leave you for a younger girl the minute you get here! Trust me! Dominican men never take responsibility for their kids! You are his ?Safety Net?in the USA. Down here you will have nothing to offer him! He will be gone!
Cris Colon

Chris: feel better now?
 

ada

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Before I moved here my husband came and "set up shop". He finished getting the house built and made sure his business was doing well. I came with my then 4 and 2 year old. While I worked in NY as a teacher I saved as much money as I could. (Not to send to him but as a fall back, just in case :) At the beginning it?s very hard but if you?re determined to make it work, it can.
One thing you can think of doing since your children are school-aged (and tuition is expensive here) you can maybe get a teaching job at a school. The 1st child would go to school for free and the 2nd at a cheaper cost and you still get a salary. I did that the 1st year. I don?t know what line of work you are in the states, but it?s an idea.
I?m also a mom and know the worries that are going through your head. Only you know what?s best.
P.S. If you want more info on kids and other stuff, feel free to PM.
 
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A

apostropheman

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Not to be unduly negative or pessimistic about this but...
In the USA you will live 100 times better without your husband than you will here with,(or even without) him. There is no ?Safety Net?here! No government programs to help ypu and your children! Take this ?pportunity? to be rid of the Dominican Looser! He will leave you for a younger girl the minute you get here! Trust me! Dominican men never take responsibility for their kids! You are his ?Safety Net?in the USA. Down here you will have nothing to offer him! He will be gone!
Cris Colon

Chris: feel better now?
...do you really think he's wrong? :paranoid:

I wouldn't bet against him...he may not sugar coat things but that does not make him wrong. ;)

:cheeky::bunny::bunny:
 
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ma822431

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Jan 21, 2009
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Thank you for your post, you have given me a bit of hope for what I know will proabablly be the long road ahead if we are both determined to make this work.

Unfortunately, I do not have a college degree. I am a certified Paralegal as well as a Licensed insurance agent. However, from reading prior posts I gather neither one of those will do me much good in DR.

He had mentioned me sending the kids to the DR with him while I finish school here to become a teacher but I would not be able to be away from my children that long and although he is their father I dont really think I could reliquish that much control of their everyday life to him. I love him but my children need me and he doesn't.
 

ma822431

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He may just leave me for a younger woman. In which case I wil hi-tail it home with my kids in tow. Cheating is not a secret for any culture nor is men who fail to take responsibility for their children. It's a very real possibility for anyone at least in my experience with men and women in general.
 
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rortiz79

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This is a very critical choice you have to make. I live here in the US with my wife and son. I had thoughts awhile back of moving to DR, reading more about the change (not drastic in culture as we are Dominican) it scared me a bit. I still would love to move there, but definetly have to find something secure and a high enough salary for my wife to just go ooooooh ok let's go!
It is my dream to move there, unfortunately it seems that the country might not be the best thing for us used to the US money and comfort in lifestyle. One day we will be there with the rest of our family!
For now I'd say to also get a immigration lawyer and figure things out first before even looking to move to DR.
 

Lambada

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He had mentioned me sending the kids to the DR with him while I finish school here to become a teacher but I would not be able to be away from my children that long and although he is their father I dont really think I could reliquish that much control of their everyday life to him. I love him but my children need me and he doesn't.

In any event, if he gets deported he will need all his time here in DR to find work. I know I said earlier that it wouldn't be easy for you to get work, but it might not be that easy for him either. Has he contacted family members about this? Started putting out feelers for employment yet? Given you grounds to believe that he will pull his weight on this issue? I ask because I would not want to believe that he & your children would be reliant on your salary as a teacher here alone.

I notice that ada's husband was building their home and running a business in advance of her move with the children. Has your husband got similar plans in place ma822431?

Quite apart from your children needing you, there would be other reasons for not sending them to the DR ahead of you. If it got at all fractious between you & your husband, you wouldn't want the children used as pawns. I'm sure you follow my drift here.
 

MikeFisher

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don't dam the post of ChrisC.,
he wrote it exactly like it happened a thousand times and will happen again for an other thousand.
the immigration lawyer is a good call, maybe it works to prevent the deportation.
your husband will as a deported addict for what ever illegal action(i assume such is not a too huge amount of unpaid parking or speeding tickets) anyways need time to fit in over here and search for 'legal' jobs, he will not find them on every corner and they will not be anything high paid.
you should stay where you are and do the 40|K job, and of course stay WITH your kids.
if he has your kiddies over here while you are not even in the country he could use them for several not so pretty things, one would be the matter of fact that he would call you on weekly bases for money to pay school and food and doctor, for the kids of course, because he will most likely not find right away a legal job to feed him and them over here.
in case anything goes wrong with your relationship you would face a hard time to see your children again, he has family over here and they could be at places where you would never find them.
i don't want to sound pure pessimistic,
but my advice is to check with the immigration lawyer first, if that fails and your husband get's deported let him go alone and keep your kids with you. when he call's to tell you that he is settled and has his job and all is fine come over for a couple weeks to check out the new paradise, leave your kids over there for that vacation visit. so by then you can make your decision.
wish ya all the best
Mike
 

LaTeacher

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May 2, 2008
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i think that the fact that this woman is even considering moving down here to maintain her marriage means that she trusts her husband. and she didn't marry him yesterday. and i know that it happens millions of time, but come on people, do we need to be so negative about other people's relationships?

all of the advice has been good, though. and don't worry, you don't need a degree to teach here - just the ability to speak english. and if you want you can take a three month class to get some of the basic skills down. you could also work in a call center.