My vent thread for the first quarter of 2009

[SKing]

Welcome to living amongst peladores, sad to say it but it is true among poor Dominicans who get used to obtain "help" from their more fortunate friends. Most of the time that "help" that is given ends in the local colmado owner pockets after selling the needed ones a couple of box of beers.

If you have reached the case where people disrespect you as your friend who told you to pay the taxi fare without consulting you before hand, I think is better for you to start dropping those people as your friend and "alejarte un poquito" from them, you may say HI to them if you find them on the streets but that's it. If people start complaining that you have become a "tacania" tell them that you have kids and bills to look after, remember them that the economy situation is really bad and you have to think of yourself and your family first before others.

Exactly. Actually, I am separating myself from these people really quickly. I don't have any more patience....and it's not like I can't help or don't want to. It is the fact that my intelligence is being insulted with lies, and it is becoming a daily problem with certain people.
SHALENA

 

[Ezequiel]

Exactly. Actually, I am separating myself from these people really quickly. I don't have any more patience....and it's not like I can't help or don't want to. It is the fact that my intelligence is being insulted with lies, and it is becoming a daily problem with certain people.
SHALENA

Sking, what part of Santiago do you live in? You should try to find friends in the neighborhood where you live IF is a good neighborhood. If you live in a good neighborhood none of the friends that you make there will ask you for money, because they don't need it, But if you live in a nice "urbanization" and befriend people from lower "barrios" they will always try to trick you, because they think that foreigners are "pariguayos" (easy to trick).

Just keep in mind that not ALL people who lives in "Barrios" or "Campos" are poor, Barrios have a very diverse groups of people (from extremely poor to very very rich) and are not the same as American Ghetto neighborhood.

You can have friends from Barrios and Campos but you have to choose very carefully.

 

[SantiagoDR]

I graduated naturally from saying "No" to "No tengo dinero".

(1) Oppss, sorry, just spendt my last pesos on this soda.

(2) Waiting for my friend to arrive, he is lending me some money, "No tengo dinero ahora".

.... and last but not least:

I already made a hat that reads: "Mi nombre no es TAXI"

Perhaps I need another one that reads: "No Hablo Dinero"

Don - SantiagoDR

 

[suarezn]

Sking: There's a little bit of an an art to deflecting this...When they ask you shouldn't be rude about it, in case you may need THEIR help one day. All you have to do is tell them like it is that you're not going to give money to people, because people are taking advantage of you (of course you don't say "YOU are trying to take advantage of me", but you make it sound like people in general are taking advantage of you, thus you've decided to not give money to anyone else from now on. Say if I see someone who's hungry or sick I will give them some food or buy them some medicine, but no money...

...Then...and here's the good part...If they get offended then you turn it back on them and you say "Diablo yo pensaba que tu era mi amigo(a) no por dinero, pero ya yo veo que no se puede confiar en nadie...(Man...I really thought you were a friend for real, not for money...but now I see you can't really trust anyone nowadays)...and then you get a really sad face like you're really disappointed to lose him(her) as a friend.

Trust me you'll never get asked for money again and you'll have this person in your "back pocket" in case you need to get something from them one day.

Your other route is to completely break with them (which could be a better path with certain people), but this could bring unintended consequences...(i.e. you may get robbed, as they now know where you live and think you have money)...

 

[Cantaloulou]

seems perfect place to rant...

got here in july 08
was suppose to go live with mi novio rent free where he works in las ballenas
in end of july, soon as boss saw me (white canadian girl) oops could not live there no more
started making residency application
in august moved to santiago where novio said he could get a job easy in hotel
still waiting on residency which should have come through now because bing fancy senator friend of novio took "care of it"
in december we left santiago to rent his sister's house in La Romana because we couldn't afford rent in santiago apt no more
january 09: in la romana started a distribution business, making good sales but no profits yet
still no news from senator friend about supposed residency application filed at end of october 08

*******OH and by the way, forgot to mention that I have been the one footing the bill for ALL expenses since I got here last July ? 778,000$RD (?29,000$C) including car and furnishings for house because novio had nothing since he was divorced last yr and his ex got it all

Mi novio is a sweetheart, a true gentleman, cooks for me, massage me and my feet, treats me really sweetly but seriously I am wondering what the hell to do. If I go back now I'll have nothing to go back to if I stay, how much more of the gringa "paying it all" while I have to endure. Oh yeah, he's selling a dahaitsu he is no longer using but woopteedoo that's going to refund me a big 180,000$RD but only at the end of march because the guy he sold it to can only pay 1/3 now, feb and march!!!

Oh well, I've ranted don't know if it will help me but feels a little good to share this story of probably my being taken advantage of...

 

[suarezn]

Cantaloulou: Your rant should be more for the sankie threads as you're not only being taken advantage of by regular Dominicans (which shouldn't happen if your boyfriend protected you), but most of all big time by your boyfriend.

 

[Thandie]

*******OH and by the way, forgot to mention that I have been the one footing the bill for ALL expenses since I got here last July ? 778,000$RD (?29,000$C) including car and furnishings for house because novio had nothing since he was divorced last yr and his ex got it all

Mi novio is a sweetheart, a true gentleman, cooks for me, massage me and my feet, treats me really sweetly but seriously I am wondering what the hell to do. If I go back now I'll have nothing to go back to ...

No one here has gotten a cent from me...I get angry at the insulting attempts alone.
But $ 29, 000 is a lot of money in such a short period of time.
I would be typing this email from a DR jail.

As my mother would say NICE and CHARMING are two different things...know the difference.
A novio who is NICE wouldnt have you paying for everything.
A novio who is CHARMING is going to cook for you and massage your feet, if it means he can live like a king and not work for it...
well you can pay a Dominican lady a few hundred dollars a month to do all those things for you if that is what you really want.

I sent you a PM

 

[NALs]

Hm... what could AZB be thinking right now?

"I told you that... and that... and that... ha ha ha, poor fools, I told you all of that! Should've listen to me from the start. Losers, ha ha ha."

Come on, you all know its true.

-NALs :cheeky:

 

[LaTeacher]

i never understood how the domincans in new york bust their a**es ALL year to show off back home, but if they were living in the states they'd be working when they felt like it - if at all.

 

[NALs]

I am now working on myself, reading a book that is helping me to figure out what I am subconsciously or consciously doing to attract these types of people.
SHALENA

The only subconscious/conscious thing that you may be doing to attract these people is believing that you can actually be friends with them and for them to not be affected by your higher status.

Fact is, they have been -- lets call it money struck -- and once that happens, there is no going back.

Mix with people of your own kind (ie. same economic/education level) and you will mesh right in because that is where you belong.

Just because you see a poor person doesn't mean you have to become their friend and give them money, etc. so you can feel as if you are making a difference to some "unfortunate" person(s).

If you want to help, that's what the charities are for.

If you want a valuable friendship, that's what the people of your own level are for.

Generally, its better for people to think that you are stingy while quietly you do your part, but you are not flashy about it. Despite what everyone thinks, you are perhaps a better person than they, the judging crowd, are themselves.

Everyone doesn't need to know about your good nature as long that you are good in your own, quiet, non-flashy way.

Food for thought.

-NALs

 

[NALs]

i never understood how the domincans in new york bust their a**es ALL year to show off back home, but if they were living in the states they'd be working when they felt like it - if at all.

That's only a subset of the expatriate population.

Many Dominicans in the DR do notice that most Dominicans that leave the DR never move back.

Guess what rationalization the Dominicans on the island are using to justify this "enigma"?

-NALs

 

[Berzin]

Questions for Shalena-

I was wondering how you behaved with your friends and neighbors in the states, and if it is any different than how you are with the Dominicans you are having problems with.

Maybe the answer to your dilemma lies in why you would behave differently in the DR.

1) Do you help these people because you feel sorry for them?

2) Do you think they will show you loyalty/gratitude if you help them?

3) Are you RIGHT NOW more stressed than when you were living in the states?

The reason I ask is this-you are obviously stressed out by all this(and rightfully so) and I believe it is the exact opposite of why you moved there in the first place.

The drama of these relationships may put you in a defensive position, subconsciously thinking and feeling that all Dominicans are out to take advantage of you.

There is no worse feeling than being around people who think you are supposed to pay for everything just because you have more than them. It can lead to much anxiety and will have you questioning your move to the DR.

 

[Lambada]

Cantaloulou: Your rant should be more for the sankie threads as you're not only being taken advantage of by regular Dominicans (which shouldn't happen if your boyfriend protected you), but most of all big time by your boyfriend.

I agree with this. Start a new thread in Mars/Venus, Cantaloulou. You're being had.

 

[M.A.R.]

got here in july 08
was suppose to go live with mi novio rent free where he works in las ballenas
in end of july, soon as boss saw me (white canadian girl) oops could not live there no more
started making residency application
in august moved to sa..........................................................

*******OH and by the way, forgot to mention that I have been the one footing the bill for ALL expenses since I got here last July ? 778,000$RD (?29,000$C) including car......................................................

Mi novio is a sweetheart, a true gentleman, cooks for me, massage me and my feet, treats me really sweetly but seriously I am wondering what the hell to do. If I go back now .............................................

Oh well, I've ranted don't know if it will help me but feels a little good to share this story of probably my being taken advantage of...

All I could say is WOW WOW WOWWWWWWWWWWWW, nice novio you got there but Even if he wantd to help out, finding a job , making money in the DR is not that easy, especially if you have no education or skills.

 

[Sanation]

Like I stated before, SKing needs to ask herself what she is looking for in her new life in the DR.

She is raising children by herself and needs a network of responsible people in lieu of family members that could of come in handy when things get tight.

Unlike the stereotype that has been perpetuated ad nauseum here on DR1, SKing is realizing that campo people are not necessarily the salt of the Earth.

The lines between classes are clearly delineated for a reason. This may sound offensive, but there is the reason why you cannot have people with much less than you as friends.

SKing-it is not your responsibility to help people in supposed need. You already do that for a living. Let these people organize and put pressure on their government. That's the way its' been done since time began.

They need to figure out how to solve their own problems.

Think about them using your money for beer and caba?as. That will make you much less sympathetic, which is what you need to be with these people.

Well put, Berzin.

I learnt this lesson very hard and fast when we arrived here last year. Give and inch, they take a mile. I sometimes feel mean and horrible, but I no longer give ANYTHING (which goes entirely against my nature).

Instead, I ensure that the people who work with me (I work for a foreign company) are well looked after and recieve good 'Dominican' salaries, but are not overpaid. I encourage them to better their own lives - education for them, for their children. I have taught my staff to think! They have learnt research skills. How to apply logic. I send my staff home with fruit from the garden. I never give or loan money.

My staff have also learnt - 3 strikes and you are out. I follow through and have terminated staff who have been warned. I have to set an example to the others and they now think twice before doing (or not doing) anything.

They steal, I report them to the police. They slack off from their duties, they get spoken to and told the repercussions. They are sick, I will drive them to the local hospital and leave them wih their family.

Welcome to the REAL DR!

 

[jrhartley]

perhaps you could earn more money as Miss Ozzie Whiplash lol

 

[Thandie]

Give and inch, they take a mile. I sometimes feel mean and horrible, but I no longer give ANYTHING (which goes entirely against my nature).

Welcome to the REAL DR!

...or they may take two miles.
My friends mother told me a saying yesterday (loose English translation)...
When someone stretches a giving arm to you, you dont break their arm.
It takes a certain level of intelligence to understand that principle.

Yes welcome to the REAL DR!

 

[SKing]

Questions for Shalena-

I was wondering how you behaved with your friends and neighbors in the states, and if it is any different than how you are with the Dominicans you are having problems with.

Maybe the answer to your dilemma lies in why you would behave differently in the DR.

1) Do you help these people because you feel sorry for them?
Mostly

2) Do you think they will show you loyalty/gratitude if you help them?
I did

3) Are you RIGHT NOW more stressed than when you were living in the states?
Much so...but stress level is going down since I've closed the bank

The reason I ask is this-you are obviously stressed out by all this(and rightfully so) and I believe it is the exact opposite of why you moved there in the first place.

The drama of these relationships may put you in a defensive position, subconsciously thinking and feeling that all Dominicans are out to take advantage of you.

There is no worse feeling than being around people who think you are supposed to pay for everything just because you have more than them. It can lead to much anxiety and will have you questioning your move to the DR.

Well, I am optimistic about the future because I feel that I have learned a lesson. And in record time. I am not dwelling on the past nor all of the money I have wasted on leeches, I am now looking at it as if I just got a raise because of how much I will be saving now that I am cutting the umbilical cord.
Your mom's sick?...so sorry, watch the news...people are getting laid off left and right in NY and my hospital is talking about cutbacks.
You have no food?...here's 5 platanos, that's all I can spare right now
Your kids need new shoes for school? Is that right?, let me know if you find some cheap because my middle child's shoes have holes in them
SHALENA

 

[bob saunders]

Well, I am optimistic about the future because I feel that I have learned a lesson. And in record time. I am not dwelling on the past nor all of the money I have wasted on leeches, I am now looking at it as if I just got a raise because of how much I will be saving now that I am cutting the umbilical cord.
Your mom's sick?...so sorry, watch the news...people are getting laid off left and right in NY and my hospital is talking about cutbacks.
You have no food?...here's 5 platanos, that's all I can spare right now
Your kids need new shoes for school? Is that right?, let me know if you find some cheap because my middle child's shoes have holes in them
SHALENA

You got it, This is exactly what my wife does.

 

[Chip]

Well, I am optimistic about the future because I feel that I have learned a lesson. And in record time. I am not dwelling on the past nor all of the money I have wasted on leeches, I am now looking at it as if I just got a raise because of how much I will be saving now that I am cutting the umbilical cord.
Your mom's sick?...so sorry, watch the news...people are getting laid off left and right in NY and my hospital is talking about cutbacks.
You have no food?...here's 5 platanos, that's all I can spare right now
Your kids need new shoes for school? Is that right?, let me know if you find some cheap because my middle child's shoes have holes in them
SHALENA

aplatanada ya!