Complaining for Nothing?
I am going to the beach. Read my Huelga Tips and enjoy your vacation. Bye!
XR's Dominican Republic Huelga Tips
The army and the PN are usually stationed at all gasoline stations in the Dominican Republic at times of national emergency, such as during a huelga.
Most gringos incorrectly assume this is to stop the sale of flammable products that might otherwise be used in incendiary devices that injure dozens, if not hundreds of innocent car tires, cement blocks, and politicians in freakish accidents during peaceful celebrations called huelgas.
But, this is not true. In fact, the term huelgas itself comes from the Spanish words huel roughly translating into English as 'to ignite in joyful celebration while dancing in the highway', and gas more of a Dominican Spanish term meaning 'gasoline, propane, or any emission from a local party politician.'
Actually the current valid law on the subject, Dominican Ley 1961-01, dates back to the end of the Trujillo era.
Trujillo was a Dominican dictator, but known as the 'Amigo de Todos', because if your weren't his 'Amigo' you were then 'Todos' which I believe is a slang term for 'Toast'. Anyway, Ley 1961-01, still in effect, clearly states that before any 'goat, sheep, wagon wheel, U.S. Imperialist Agressor, or mistress' can be allowed to observe or participate in a true Dominican 'huelga' proper safety precautions will be strictly enforced. These involve some things, like, if my translation of the Spanish is not that bad, 'proper cleaning of all incendiary devices, the care and feeding of the huelga participants until the time of their involuntary participation in the big event' something about finding enough rubber to make a skin diving suit for Papa Doc Duvalier, and most importantly which color soft drink bottles may be used as containers for fuel for the celebratory displays.
This Ley is still strictly enforced! Today only two liter plastic bottles may be legally used to be filled with gasoline for the big event. The friendly PN or Military officer will check each Dominican's party affiliation and soft-drink container before allowing the container to be filled. This year green 7-Up bottles officially represent supporters of the ruling PRD party to promote their 'Magnificent 7' Presidential hopefuls, Perrier and other imported mineral water bottles are assigned to the PLD supporters as they are the only ones who can generally afford to buy these products and have the bottles readily at hand at home, and communist-red-and-yellow Coca-Cola bottles for the PRSC, but since their following has shrunk over the years they will be limited to bottles of just one-liter or less beginning this year.
This strict enforcement serves several purposes.
First it let's foreign tourists rest assured that all environmental protections will be observed so that the huelga won't lead to a local thinning of the ozone over beaches in Cabarete, Samana, and Juan Dolio which could lead to a severe increase in the number of large European tourists in small blue speedos with excessively red, lobster like sunburns. This would be bad for tourism and pollute the otherwise gorgeous beach vistas so vital to the Dominican Republic's tourism industry.
Secondly, the color coding system helps in identifying the perpetrator should any of these devices misfire and actually injure a tire, wagon wheel, U.S. Imperial Agressor, or politician. The penalty for this is severe! Any participant whose actions lead to any of these events will be banned from playing Dominos roadside for up to ten years, and be forced to spend the remainder of his life either drinking cheap imported Puerto Rican Rum, or hangining out with the BanInter Group's former president.
But lastly, and more importantly, the opportunity to 'fill up' allows the local constabulatory to earn a few pesos in 'propinos'. This is a Spanish word datiing back to Francisco Franco's regime which literally translated means 'Thank you for not making me have to suck the gasoline for this molotov cocktail out of my motoconcho.
Yes, a huelga in the Dominican Republic is a wonderful cultural event to behold, that you will be able to describe to friends and family back in your home countries the world over for many years to come. Don't miss it!
Tom (aka XR)
