Preferences

[Onions&carrots]

I'm curious to know how the board members feel about this. If you are a dominican or foreigner of a certain socio-economic grouping and of a certain racial composition who prefers to live, marry and have friends of the same grouping and composition would that qualify you as a racist? Y/N and why.

I beg, implore and beseech Robert, Lord of DR1 and his Lieutenant El Tigre not to delete this thread, please. You would be doing many a service by considering this since many in the DR and on Earth seek like. Is like seeking like considered racist? Empirical studies have confirmed that in marriages like desire and seeks like. Is this racist? Isn't it easier and/or more comfortable when two people be it friends, lifetime partners, etc share similar qualities economically, racially?

The DR is promoted as a racially intermixing haven, a kaleidoscope of various colors. Do most marriages in the DR reflect this popular perception?

 

[Rocky]

Wanting to be amongst your peers is not racist, it is just a comfort zone.
That being said, this thread probably shouldn't exist.
It will just lead to a racism conversation, and it's taboo on DR1, and for good reason.

 

[Ricardo900]

Like Rocky said, it's a comfort zone, that people look for in relationships and its more than a racial issue. Example, I have many black friends who are in the upper-echelon of society and they will never ever consider marrying another black person from the ghetto or any other lower part of the black, white, or hispanic community. Even if I wanted to interact with a person from a poor community it will be extremely difficult, because we live in two seperate worlds.

First, we don't live in the same neighborhoods, shop in the same stores (clothing or food), attend the same schools, socialize in the same lounges, bars or clubs, work in the same fields. The only time I could come in contact with them is either on the subway or in the building that I work. Striking up conversations on the subway is not popular and socializing with the individual working in the mail-room, loading dock, or cleaning areas of your firm is frowned upon by the higher-ups. Birds of a Feather Flock Together
So is that racist??

 

[Chip00]

This is a very complex question in my opinion. First of children, though, children aren't born rascist - they are taught that by society. If you don't have that atmosphere in their upbringing, voila, you won't have rascism. Case in point, I'm a white guy from South Carolina, the cradle of the South and all things White, yet was raised in a Catholic family and my best friend was pure centroamerican mestizo. My Dad, I realized later on in life, had his prejudices, BUT did not allow us to have them. We had friends of every sort, etc. As far as the attraction to the opposite sex, ever since I was 5 I had a great deal of "interest" in the darker ones (girls of couse). Now for me my wife is the perfect color of cafe negro con un chin de leche and I really am not interested in what people thought or think of me for making this decision. I can tell you that for the most part my family has been a hundred percent behind me if it weren't for the fact that they didn't want to see me move far away.

In summary, two things influence a persons decisions to "hang" with a certain type of people, upbringing/environment and personal desire. Take away the societies rascist taboos and all you have is the personal desire part which will vary a great deal. Not to get religious but it is apparent that the "man" upstairs likes variety.

 

[something_of_the_night]

O&C, I often hear Dominicans in the DR saying, "Si yo me voy pa' los paises, me olvido de esta vaina." Once overseas, some join internet forums and ask, "?D?nde est? mi gente de Santiago?" or "Serie 23...presente!." So, whatever happened to "me olvido de esta vaina"?

I don't think it's racist to seek your own. More like nostalgic.

I'm a racist, and I think this topic is a good one. Can we discuss religion next?

-The Kid

 

[suitelady79]

Like Rocky said, it's a comfort zone, that people look for in relationships and its more than a racial issue. Example, I have many black friends who are in the upper-echelon of society and they will never ever consider marrying another black person from the ghetto or any other lower part of the black, white, or hispanic community. Even if I wanted to interact with a person from a poor community it will be extremely difficult, because we live in two seperate worlds.

First, we don't live in the same neighborhoods, shop in the same stores (clothing or food), attend the same schools, socialize in the same lounges, bars or clubs, work in the same fields. The only time I could come in contact with them is either on the subway or in the building that I work. Striking up conversations on the subway is not popular and socializing with the individual working in the mail-room, loading dock, or cleaning areas of your firm is frowned upon by the higher-ups. Birds of a Feather Flock Together
So is that racist??

Hey! I thought you were a Sanitation Engineer!! You should have no problem socializing with the other sanitation engineers in the building! Just messing with ya!

I don't think it's racist, that's just how it is. People tend to gravitate to people who are similar to themselves. Like everyone has said, it's about who you are comfortable being around and most of the time it's people who see things similarly to the way you do.

 

[Rocky]

children aren't born rascist - they are taught that by society.

I'm not so sure about that. Seems to me I had to be taught by my parents to not have prejudices and be racist.
From calling the fat girl down the street, "Fatty, fatty, 2 by 4, couldn't fit in the kitchen door" to calling the "African-Canadian?" kid down the street, "chocolate boy".
We simply did not know it was wrong.
I think it was in our nature to fear what was different, and enjoy ridiculing anyone who was.
Of course, a good whack in the back of the head, and those terrifyning words, out of my mother's mouth, "Just wait 'till your daddy gets home", were more than enough to cure the problem.

 

[Chip00]

I'm not so sure about that. Seems to me I had to be taught by my parents to not have prejudices and be racist.
From calling the fat girl down the street, "Fatty, fatty, 2 by 4, couldn't fit in the kitchen door" to calling the "African-Canadian?" kid down the street, "chocolate boy".
We simply did not know it was wrong.
I think it was in our nature to fear what was different, and enjoy ridiculing anyone who was.
Of course, a good whack in the back of the head, and those terrifyning words, out of my mother's mouth, "Just wait 'till your daddy gets home", were more than enough to cure the problem.

Good point Rocky - I just don't see that when a kid makes fun of some other kid for being different as rascist, rather as a normal childish act that one typically grows out of. For example, I think it's normal to make fun of kids who are overweight, have red hair, wear glasses, braces, nerdy etc . - but when one grows up and has children do you think that that same person will prohibit their son or daughter from going out with a person like that? If they are "racially" prejudiced they certainly won't want their progeny going out with a "perceived" different race.

 

[something_of_the_night]

have red hair, .

I rather be dead, like a bump on a log, than red on the head, like a d*ck on a dog.

 

[Mirador]

I'm not so sure about that. Seems to me I had to be taught by my parents to not have prejudices and be racist.
From calling the fat girl down the street, "Fatty, fatty, 2 by 4, couldn't fit in the kitchen door" to calling the "African-Canadian?" kid down the street, "chocolate boy".
We simply did not know it was wrong.
I think it was in our nature to fear what was different, and enjoy ridiculing anyone who was.
Of course, a good whack in the back of the head, and those terrifyning words, out of my mother's mouth, "Just wait 'till your daddy gets home", were more than enough to cure the problem.

I was also a fat, stubby child, and was continously taunted and bullied by nearly everyone at school. I complained miserably to the teachers, to no avail. My parents had prohibited me from fighting back, and was instructed to just shout loudly, ?stick and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me?. Then one day a shy Polish girl joined the class, and I thought my turn had finally arrived to get even. So I learned some Polish curse words from a neighbor. Soon enough, when school was dismissed, I walked over to the Polish girl and practised my newly learned Polish with her. She then knocked me down with a blow to the head and proceeded to beat me to a pulp. I learned then that not everyone is taught at home, ?stick and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me?.

 

[perlanegra]

First, we don't live in the same neighborhoods, shop in the same stores (clothing or food), attend the same schools, socialize in the same lounges, bars or clubs, work in the same fields. The only time I could come in contact with them is either on the subway or in the building that I work. Striking up conversations on the subway is not popular and socializing with the individual working in the mail-room, loading dock, or cleaning areas of your firm is frowned upon by the higher-ups. Birds of a Feather Flock Together
So is that racist??[/QUOTE]


Ricardo which city/state do you live in?

I think It has to do more with who we are. How we grew up and what our parents thought us to be like.

I'm sorry to say this; but this not socializing with people working in mail rooms, cleaning area, etc.. situation sounds very odd to me! Must be the state you live in or in other instances the way the person was brought up to be and deal with other "lower social status" people!

I live in Los Angeles, work in Century City at the Twin Towers where there is thousands of people and I've seen CEO's saying hello and interacting with what many of us might call low paying jobs in the elevators.

The company I work for is an example of that. The owner of our firm is a millionaire and he will sit in our kitchen area at the same table the mail-room aka Office services person is at and ask how he and family are doing and so on.

I grew up in the Dominican Republic with not 1, but 3 service people in the house; in other words my mother was one of those Dominicans that had the kids and someone else will have to do the rest of the work for her, including taking care of the us. I must tell you that my mother or father never looked down, insulted or derrogated them as I see people treating their service people; needless to say that we were not allow to disrespect them either!

There is way more to do in this earth and if we look around we all need the rich, the middle and the poor for this global community to suceed. Unfortunately like in my birth country, there is only 2 social groups the poor and the rich (oh, wait a minute!) and the rest of the "taking advantage of whatever they can" people.

This predujices and/or social status things makes me sick! The way I look at things is that if you really pay attention; life is too short for people to be worrying about the white/black/light color/dark color/more $$/less $$/social status bs.

To me most of the people who act like their s... doesn't stink are those that grew up with nothing, make their way into university or worst got some fast money; so forth bringing their self steam up and making them walk around like peacocks with their open feathers; and they will do what ever it takes for people to notice them; including disrespect or derrogate others.

Again, life is too short! Let's enjoy it!

Robert, tigre please!!!

 

[tk toronto]

I think nothing is wrong with searching for your own person within your economic class. I personally am middle class, but I am a student still (so I guess I'm student-poor) so my opinion may be different from older people who are looking for life partners to settle with and build families.

I personally would date someone who is also going to university like I am, but I would also date someone who is going to college or has a job doing something else. I have dated people of the same race, but would not be considered in the same economic/educational class, but again, I am a student, not an adult (well, technically I am an adult, but until I move out of my parents house, I'm still a "kid" I guess) looking to start a family or something As well, race would not matter to me, as long as I don't have to take care of you financially and we could carry on an educated conversation. For instance, if I'm middle class, I would date a middle class white person/latino/whatever. That person would not have to be black because I am too.

If someone of an upper class said they wanted to date an upper class person, of course that's not racist. What I think would be racist is someone deciding not to date someone due to stupid stereotypical assumptions about a certain race, even if they were in the same economic class. As well, it depends on WHY one wouldn't date a person of a different race as to whether or not it would be racist. I'm not going to go through examples here to be on the safe side, but I'm sure someone else will be able to.

 

[Onions&carrots]

Primates

work in the same fields. So is that racist??

Same fields, LOL. The rice fields of the Western DR like an ocean of green being strewn hither and thither by the winds. OK, back to topic. That's why I posed the question.

Isn't there a fine line between the comfort zone of finding like to exclusion?
I am used to being around a certain group. When I see those not from my group I feel uncomfortable. Internally but not visibly I wish they would leave. Am I wrong?

Doesn't the ex-pat community seek each other out?
Isn't seeking like akin to some type of segregation?

 

[Onions&carrots]

perlanegra, chill out. Don't get so hyper. Nobody has said anything racist. I just posed the question. I prefer to be with my own kind. It's comfortable as Rocky said. So would that make me racist? In the DR I only seek like. I see the same in Miami as I see in the DR. Like with like yet nobody is racist. I see Cubans living with their own and the Blacks with their own. Yet nobody is racist. Is that true? Isn't the fact that all live separate a testament to some closet feelings of race? Supposedly the Civil Rights Act changed all this. Yet I continue to see like with like.

 

[tk toronto]

Doesn't the ex-pat community seek each other out?
Isn't seeking like akin to some type of segregation?

I would think it is like a comfort zone. For example, ex pats seeking each other out is because they are all in a foreign country and may not even speak the language. I don't think it is segregation because, for example, if I moved to the DR and did not speak Spanish, how would I communicate?? I HAVE to have an ex pat community.

Segregation would be people living amongst the same place and not being ALLOWED to go to a place where a different group would be. For example, the segregated school system in the US at one point where blacks and whites were not allowed to attend the same schools. Nothing is wrong with having a sense of community.

 

[KeithF]

When I see those not from my group I feel uncomfortable. Internally but not visibly I wish they would leave. Am I wrong?

Yes. It's up to you to work out 'why' you feel like that and challenge it. Better still, get used to it. For example, when people first go into a unit where people with dementia are cared for, they often feel that 'outside the comfort zone' but if they repeatedly expose themselves to that experience, they get used to it.

I was always likely to end up marrying someone of a similar background as me because most of the women I met were of a similar background. We met in a nurses home, as students. Every person living there bar one, was white. Statistically, the chances of me forming a lasting relationship with one of the women who was white was massively greater than the non-white woman. Out of the whole nursing home, I'm still in contact with one person other than my wife. Likewise, I was never likely to marry someone from an inner-city, deprived area, simply because I didn't know any and therefore never met them.

Children 'bully' the 'odd one out'. Pound to a penny, if the majority of children in a class were 'large' and only one child was thin, the thin one would get the name calling. If you put one white child in a class of non-white kids, the white kid would get the name calling in the same way as when the numbers are reversed. Fortunately most kids grow out of bullying.

Sadly, some don't.

Doesn't the ex-pat community seek each other out?
Isn't seeking like akin to some type of segregation?

It's about being in a 'majority', in a minority. A non-ex-pat in an ex-pat community, is in the minority. An ex-pat outside the ex-pat community is in the minority. Some people can cope with that, some could cope with it but choose not to and some couldn't cope with it, so don't.

My father is a racist (boy do we argue sometimes!). It's not 'simply' learned behaviour, there are many other aspects. I have deliberately chosen to travel. My father has been out of the UK twice in his 65 years. He remains blinkered to the beauty that the world has to offer. Which is a shame.

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness" Mark Twain

 

[dv8]

off and on topic

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness" Mark Twain

on the contrary. travel opens the eyes but a way too often one does not like what one sees. i went to israel last year, having only known it from the bible and tv i was so disappointed. that is an extremely ugly piece of land.

in "a rebours" huysmans says it's better to travel in mind than in reality. reality, now, that stinks!

back to topic, i stick to what i know but some preferences would be more important than others. i did not seek for a man from polonia, with the same background, tradition and language. i consider education, broad mind and intellect as more important.

one always seek company of SIMILAR but not same. same is boring, it is differences that fuel discussion...

 

[Kyle]

sounds to me like "racist" and "preference" are basically the same depending on which side of the track you are on. someone plz elaborate on the difference in 50 words or less....

 

[Ricardo900]

Ricardo which city/state do you live in?

Perla,
I live in NYC, and I don't feel that I am above anyone else, I am pointing out that my co-workers do not socialize with the maintenance staff, and yes, the cordial "Hello" "How are you doing" "How about those Mets" conversation do occur, but that's as far it usually go. When the guys go after-work for drinks, you will not see the mailroom guy joining them and vice-versa when the security staff goes out for drinks. Also, just because my interaction is limited with certain class of people does not mean I feel like my s... don't stink. I am sorry if the way I put it sounded insensitive, but I wasn't raised in the ghetto or lived in the projects. I was raised in Brooklyn Heights and attended private school in Park Slope. People in NYC live and gravitate towards their kind, that's all, nothing personal about it.

 

[Audra]

Just because you chose to socialize, and marry your own race, doesn't make you racist. As mentioned, its a comfort thing. You most likely will share the same morals, values, traditions, religion etc.. and its less complicated trying to adjust to another culture. The families will be more accepting as well (less stress). Hey as long as we're happy and healthy, that's all that should matter.