After passing this by Anna (our moderator) I am going to break this long post down into 3 parts!!!!
IF you are new to this forum please read this. IF you have a new relationship please read this. OR if it applies to someone you know - have them read it.....
Relationships in the Dominican Republic
You're here for a 1 or 2 week vacation or maybe living here - you have to get realistic about Dominican relationships. Basically there are 3 different scenarios:
First: The tourists
Women come to this country and get their heads turned by the men! There are many truly stunning men here, with good bodies, beautiful smiles and other ?things?. Women have been watching ?How Stella Got Her Groove Back? and are all the new ?Stella???.. Women come here and get seduced by the island mentality, the Hollywood / Harlequin romance dream. And then they get seduced by a Sankie!!!!
What is a sankie???? A man (or Sankiette for the women) who makes a profession of preying on na?ve tourists. He is someone who works in a field that gives him access to tourists ? hotel worker, taxi driver, bartender etc etc etc But it can also be a lawyer, bank teller etc. The key is access to tourists and intent. He will then use that access to appeal to your need for romance, your need to be wanted, your need to experience the ?dream? to separate you from your common sense, your wallet and in some cases your future.
He will make you feel special. He is often sooooo smooth. The key is ? he is beyond most women?s realm of experience. Often we wonder if women exchange their brain cells on the plane for an extra dose of hormones! Seriously, whatever happened to common sense? There are tales of professionals ? bank executives with master?s degrees falling for this. It is not just the needy ? the stereotyped older, larger, less attractive woman but also the young or middle aged, beautiful, slim, highly educated women who get conned!!!
Rule: ? all hotel workers are sankies. There are no exceptions! OF course that is not actually true ? but, for you, the tourist ? IT IS TRUE!!!!!!
The only thing you will be guilty of is bad judgement when things start to stare you in the face. There are things you need to be aware of:
First ? go to Dominican Republic News & Travel Information Service and read the Sankie forums. Read the information provided and all the stories. Do not doubt the accuracy of these stories or the advice given. Unfortunately those of us who live here and hand out the hard to hear advice know it is true!
Second ? if it seems too good to be true ? IT IS! Use your common sense. You will not come here on vacation and fall in love! He, who has access to hundreds of tourists every single week ? will not fall in love with YOU in one week or two weeks. Actually I don?t think many of them even understand the concept. It is not culturally an issue.
It is hard to understand Dominican lifestyle and morality when it comes to sex and love. Sex is recreation (what else can you do when you have no money); morality has no part in the equation. You cannot take your North American or European standards and apply them here. It WON?T WORK.
Let?s get real here! Why would this stunning man (in many cases) who is in his 20?s, fit, want to be with a ?gringa? who is 20 or 30 years older then he is? You have nothing in common other then you have money and he wants it! You are culturally worlds apart, know almost nothing about each other and often barely can communicate!
In a one or two week vacation, how much time do you actually spend together? How much do you actually know about him? And how much can you personally verify to be true? NOT confirmed by his ?friends? ?coworkers? or ?family???. But you actually verify?.
Third ? here are some common lines ? if you hear them ? RUN! RUN FAST! - in the other direction. ?You have changed my life.? ?I can?t live without you.? ?No one else understands me.? ?I?ve never been with a tourist before this.? ?I am not married.? For other lines, just read DR1.
Fourth ? should you not listen to this advice and the advice on Dominican Republic News & Travel Information Service then pay close attention to this: DO NOT SEND MONEY FOR ANY REASON!
Do not buy him a new cell phone - NO, he did not lose his. NO, it did not fall in the pool.
NO, his daughter does not need an operation and neither does his mother.
Life is hard here but he has a good (by local standards) paying job. NO, he does not need you to buy him a damn car; he can take the bus like everyone else.
NO, he does not need a computer so he can email you from home. Let him go to the internet caf?. It is very cheap to rent time and there is one on every corner.
His boss is not a horrendous person out to get him, so NO, he most likely was not fired. He does not need to quit his job and study English so he can be with you. Etc., etc.
REMEMBER ? he got along just fine before he met you and he will do so in the future. He is not your project. He does not need your pity or sympathy.
Fifth ? when he tells you he loves his country and does not want to live in yours ? do not for one second believe this crap. He is dying to get out of here. He thinks the streets where you come from are paved with gold ? no matter where you are from. He thinks he will go to your country and live like a king!
Sixth ? if you insist on having a long distance relationship ? he will NOT be monogamous!!!! It is not in the culture. It is expected that he will have other women. He will have many other tourists and most likely has a Dominican ?wife?.
NOTE:As a tourist you will NOT have access to quality Dominicans. IS it possible to meet one on vacation? Yes, he could also be on vacation at your resort. Or he could show up in the disco on Saturday night. BUT, no self respecting Dominican of quality wants to be with a tourist! (The exception is a weekend fling!) They have no reason to want to. Dominican society is very class and race conscious. For more info on that read DR1. It is too complex to cover here.
Just remember this ? as a tourist, ASSUME he is a sanky and act accordingly!
NOTE 2:It is not personal, it is not about you. You are not a bad person. You may be too trusting and a bit na?ve. BUT you are just one in a series! This is all about them ? they use women to get what they want. They are professionals!
IF you are new to this forum please read this. IF you have a new relationship please read this. OR if it applies to someone you know - have them read it.....
Relationships in the Dominican Republic
You're here for a 1 or 2 week vacation or maybe living here - you have to get realistic about Dominican relationships. Basically there are 3 different scenarios:
First: The tourists
Women come to this country and get their heads turned by the men! There are many truly stunning men here, with good bodies, beautiful smiles and other ?things?. Women have been watching ?How Stella Got Her Groove Back? and are all the new ?Stella???.. Women come here and get seduced by the island mentality, the Hollywood / Harlequin romance dream. And then they get seduced by a Sankie!!!!
What is a sankie???? A man (or Sankiette for the women) who makes a profession of preying on na?ve tourists. He is someone who works in a field that gives him access to tourists ? hotel worker, taxi driver, bartender etc etc etc But it can also be a lawyer, bank teller etc. The key is access to tourists and intent. He will then use that access to appeal to your need for romance, your need to be wanted, your need to experience the ?dream? to separate you from your common sense, your wallet and in some cases your future.
He will make you feel special. He is often sooooo smooth. The key is ? he is beyond most women?s realm of experience. Often we wonder if women exchange their brain cells on the plane for an extra dose of hormones! Seriously, whatever happened to common sense? There are tales of professionals ? bank executives with master?s degrees falling for this. It is not just the needy ? the stereotyped older, larger, less attractive woman but also the young or middle aged, beautiful, slim, highly educated women who get conned!!!
Rule: ? all hotel workers are sankies. There are no exceptions! OF course that is not actually true ? but, for you, the tourist ? IT IS TRUE!!!!!!
The only thing you will be guilty of is bad judgement when things start to stare you in the face. There are things you need to be aware of:
First ? go to Dominican Republic News & Travel Information Service and read the Sankie forums. Read the information provided and all the stories. Do not doubt the accuracy of these stories or the advice given. Unfortunately those of us who live here and hand out the hard to hear advice know it is true!
Second ? if it seems too good to be true ? IT IS! Use your common sense. You will not come here on vacation and fall in love! He, who has access to hundreds of tourists every single week ? will not fall in love with YOU in one week or two weeks. Actually I don?t think many of them even understand the concept. It is not culturally an issue.
It is hard to understand Dominican lifestyle and morality when it comes to sex and love. Sex is recreation (what else can you do when you have no money); morality has no part in the equation. You cannot take your North American or European standards and apply them here. It WON?T WORK.
Let?s get real here! Why would this stunning man (in many cases) who is in his 20?s, fit, want to be with a ?gringa? who is 20 or 30 years older then he is? You have nothing in common other then you have money and he wants it! You are culturally worlds apart, know almost nothing about each other and often barely can communicate!
In a one or two week vacation, how much time do you actually spend together? How much do you actually know about him? And how much can you personally verify to be true? NOT confirmed by his ?friends? ?coworkers? or ?family???. But you actually verify?.
Third ? here are some common lines ? if you hear them ? RUN! RUN FAST! - in the other direction. ?You have changed my life.? ?I can?t live without you.? ?No one else understands me.? ?I?ve never been with a tourist before this.? ?I am not married.? For other lines, just read DR1.
Fourth ? should you not listen to this advice and the advice on Dominican Republic News & Travel Information Service then pay close attention to this: DO NOT SEND MONEY FOR ANY REASON!
Do not buy him a new cell phone - NO, he did not lose his. NO, it did not fall in the pool.
NO, his daughter does not need an operation and neither does his mother.
Life is hard here but he has a good (by local standards) paying job. NO, he does not need you to buy him a damn car; he can take the bus like everyone else.
NO, he does not need a computer so he can email you from home. Let him go to the internet caf?. It is very cheap to rent time and there is one on every corner.
His boss is not a horrendous person out to get him, so NO, he most likely was not fired. He does not need to quit his job and study English so he can be with you. Etc., etc.
REMEMBER ? he got along just fine before he met you and he will do so in the future. He is not your project. He does not need your pity or sympathy.
Fifth ? when he tells you he loves his country and does not want to live in yours ? do not for one second believe this crap. He is dying to get out of here. He thinks the streets where you come from are paved with gold ? no matter where you are from. He thinks he will go to your country and live like a king!
Sixth ? if you insist on having a long distance relationship ? he will NOT be monogamous!!!! It is not in the culture. It is expected that he will have other women. He will have many other tourists and most likely has a Dominican ?wife?.
NOTE:As a tourist you will NOT have access to quality Dominicans. IS it possible to meet one on vacation? Yes, he could also be on vacation at your resort. Or he could show up in the disco on Saturday night. BUT, no self respecting Dominican of quality wants to be with a tourist! (The exception is a weekend fling!) They have no reason to want to. Dominican society is very class and race conscious. For more info on that read DR1. It is too complex to cover here.
Just remember this ? as a tourist, ASSUME he is a sanky and act accordingly!
NOTE 2:It is not personal, it is not about you. You are not a bad person. You may be too trusting and a bit na?ve. BUT you are just one in a series! This is all about them ? they use women to get what they want. They are professionals!
