Thanks for holding the door... NOT!

InsanelyOne

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Oct 21, 2008
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This may be related to the personal space thing that I know has been discussed ad nauseum, but I find it very rare for someone to hold the door for me as I enter a store/office/bank etc. They just let the door close in my face. I also find it common that people will crowd the entrances or aisles of a store an make absolutely no attempt to move out of the way when I try to pass.

Am I just being hyper-sensitive? Has anyone else noticed this? It just seems to contradict my experiences with regard to the exchange of pleasantries. Dominicans are quick to exchange hellos' and how are you's. But God forbid they try to move out of your way.
 

Lambada

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Mar 4, 2004
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I get doors held open for me but then I'm a woman and more importantly I think I now rate as 'elderly' :ermm: in local eyes and I've always found people extremely respectful of age. As to moving crowds..........you get creative. A few well chosen words like 'Fire' 'Rape' 'Earthquake' 'Cash given free aisle 4' and you shouldn't have any problem. Mind you if you have the reputation of having no control over your own trolley, people WILL get out of your way. Just impersonate Jacques Tati (if you remember Monsieur Hulot) and make sure your trolley has a life of its own and they will move, either because they don't want to be collided with or because...........they think you're stark, staring bonkers :).

A little eccentricity goes a long way here...........;)
 

jrhartley

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Sep 10, 2008
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why should someone move out of the way if they were there first- its a rather English concept to always assume you are in the way and apologise to everyone around for even being in the supermarket in the first place
 

InsanelyOne

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Oct 21, 2008
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why should someone move out of the way if they were there first- its a rather English concept to always assume you are in the way and apologise to everyone around for even being in the supermarket in the first place
Umm.... thanks for your useless comment. I'm referring to basic human kindness here. I find it common for people to totally block doorways and aisles for no other reason than "they were there first". But that doesn't justify doing so. So I'm just supposed to stand there for five minutes until they decide to move there ass out of the way? What bothers me is that they see me there and it's obvious I need to get by but they don't even make an attempt to make a little room.
 
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CFA123

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May 29, 2004
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... What bothers me is that they see me there and it's obvious I need to get by but they don't even make an attempt to make a little room.
Do you have enough Spanish to say "Pardon me" or "Excuse me"? Most people will respond to that by moving aside for you...
 

beeza

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Nov 2, 2006
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I remember reading a thread posted a couple of years ago.

To me, I think Rocky explained it perfectly. Dominicans are like children. This understanding has helped me immensely with my integration into this country. I have integrated as far as I feel comfortable, without compromising my own values, culture and upbringing. I am not a child, but I live in a kindergarden!

http://www.dr1.com/forums/living/58136-dominicans-they-pathologically-inconsiderate.html
 

Chirimoya

Moderator - East Coast & Headline News
Dec 9, 2002
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Trolleys blocking the supermarket aisle are a common annoyance, I agree, but the only way to deal with it is to smile sweetly and say "con permiso" firmly, and they will move out of your way.
 

DanaP

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May 23, 2007
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i also use the 'i've lost control of my trolley' and sometimes give a little nudge, when my patience and politeness have left me. but then i can smile and look surprised and point at my son......evil wench, i know, but we generally get a good laugh and they ruffle his hair, which he despises. I am then forced to buy him sweets for his participation in the guise, but he gets the deal now.


d

p.s. i really don't think it's intentionally inconsiderate, i think it's more that childish self-centeredness that they just exist in their own little world. Unlike us americans, who seem to apologize persistently for doing nothing at all, which is probably far less normal.
 
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Carts in the aisle, cars blocking traffic, people blocking exits and entrances, all these things are common occurrences. I wish I could say otherwise, but the fact is, people just seem to not care that there are other people around.

I am not saying that this is a Dominican trait. However, I never really noticed this phenomena until I moved here. At first, it bothered me beyond explanation (and it still does, to some extent), but now I try to put myself in the other person's place.

To the person blocking the doorway, aisle, road, etc. it is simply the way of the world. If they have the advantage, they will use it, and they will maximize that leverage in any they can.

I am not excusing their actions, I'm just saying, that is the way they were raised, and to think one can change that behavior with a word, or a "toot", or anything else is a very big mistake.

They will behave the way they have been taught to behave, and anyone living here had better know the rules of the road, so to speak, before attempting to navigate them.
 

Lambada

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i also use the 'i've lost control of my trolley' and sometimes give a little nudge, when my patience and politeness have left me. but then i can smile and look surprised and point at my son......evil wench, i know, but we generally get a good laugh and they ruffle his hair, which he despises. I am then forced to buy him sweets for his participation in the guise, but he gets the deal now.
Is he a Dominican child? Sounds like he is already in training to be a politico or maybe even President............:cheeky:

Just to clarify, I don't use my trolley as a battering ram; it has a will of its own. It's more like talking to it, giving it a name, having a conversation, miming that it is pulling me in a certain direction, that sort of thing :cheeky: so it is using itself to meander out of control. If necessary call for a bruja to exorcise the trolley - I promise you there WILL be people in the store who'll believe you ;). I've found that florid displays of madness here evoke giggles sometimes but always people take a few steps back and .............voila, mission accomplished.

Course I occasionally hear someone who knows me saying in the background 'she's pulling the possessed trolley trick again'.
 

belgiank

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Jun 13, 2009
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I personally think it is a local problem... where I am living we have no such problems... people will move out of the way, apologise for blocking, etc...

On the other hand, when I worked for a company in Barcelona I noticed that they did exactly the same to tourists, with the necessary amount of disdain...

So maybe this is a feature of the DR, which expresses itself mostly in tourist-aeas? Not condoning it, just looking for an explanation...
 

bienamor

Kansas redneck an proud of it
Apr 23, 2004
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I personally think it is a local problem... where I am living we have no such problems... people will move out of the way, apologise for blocking, etc...

On the other hand, when I worked for a company in Barcelona I noticed that they did exactly the same to tourists, with the necessary amount of disdain...

So maybe this is a feature of the DR, which expresses itself mostly in tourist-aeas? Not condoning it, just looking for an explanation...
Give it time, your new and live in what the folks here in the Capital would term the Campo. This I will say seems to be more of a city problem not just tourist areas.
Went to the movie last night, narrow set of stairs, people going up people going down, one girl standing in the middle talking on her cell oblivious to the bottleneck she was causing.
 

cuas

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May 29, 2006
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I am a Dominicana living and working in the Bronx. I work as a caseworker for the City of NY. I do home visits all over NY and most the time I have to say Excuse me and sometimes touch one of the persons to pass through. My co-workers are from all over the world and they block doors and hall ways, intentionally NO. Is it a Dominican thing NO.
Some people who are now living in DR who used to live in places where there is no line to pay bills, banking, shopping find it too much to handle because they never experienced life in a crowded city.
People holds door for me and I hold doors for others too. Some times they let the door go but I do not know what is going through that person's mind, I just keep going.
If the door of a bank is blocked just tell the security guard so he can politely ask the people to clear the door because it can be a safety hazard. I am guilty myself, not as a Dominicana but because I am hurrying out and my friend just walk in and we exchange a few words and at that time YOU WALK IN.
 

dv8

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Sep 27, 2006
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after few years here i do not pay much attention to that. i'd either push my trolley in saying "permiso" or "pardoname" if i crush someone's feet. occasionally i give out a loud and angry speach - in polish. no one understands but the tone of my voice says it all.
as to why dominicans do it? lack of education and manners, they just do not know any better.
 

Lambada

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Mar 4, 2004
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as to why dominicans do it? lack of education and manners, they just do not know any better.
In some cases, maybe, but what is also happening is that they are so 'into' the conversation with friends that although they 'see' you, it doesn't register & certainly not as a priority about which they need to take action. It might be the priority of the person wanting to get through the blocking crowd, but it isn't the priority of those causing the blockage. So, to prioritise it for someone else you either have to say excuse me or pull the other stunts we all do. People who do this aren't being malicious or insensitive. It's just that different things register here. It's like queues (or lines for our US friends). Some cultures almost hold sacred the sanctity of the line and not breaking into it. Others don't. Just different and nothing to get upset about, really.

We have to get away from interpreting everything through 'our' eyes, both consciously and unconsciously. It's easier to start from a more neutral, enquiring position than one which makes a judgement.
 
Aug 21, 2007
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We have to get away from interpreting everything through 'our' eyes, both consciously and unconsciously. It's easier to start from a more neutral, enquiring position than one which makes a judgement.
If everyone did that, Lambada, the world would be a better place. Mind if I quote you in the future?
 

DanaP

New member
May 23, 2007
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We have to get away from interpreting everything through 'our' eyes, both consciously and unconsciously. It's easier to start from a more neutral, enquiring position than one which makes a judgement.
so easy to say, but not always easy to do.....for me anyway