the friday file

mobrouser

Bronze
Jan 1, 2002
2,316
77
48
a set of jumper cables walked into a bar. the bartender pours a beer and says "look, i'm going to serve you, but don't start anything."

two antennas got married. the ceremony was average but the reception was excellent.

2 cannibals were eating a clown. the one cannibal looks up and asks "does he taste funny?"

a man goes to his doctor. after his checkup the doctor says "you have tom jones syndrome." the patient says "i've never heard of it, is it rare?" the doctor replies "it's not unusual"



mob :classic:
 

mobrouser

Bronze
Jan 1, 2002
2,316
77
48
ok, but i think you'll regret asking

a neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "how much for a beer?"
the bartender replies, "for you, no charge."


a seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
the bartender asks the seal, "what's your pleasure?"
the seal replies, "anything but Canadian Club."

a bear walks into a bar.
?i?ll have a beer..............

................and a package of chips.?
the bartender says "why the big pause??

two tubs of yogurt walk into a bar. the bartender says to them, "we don't serve your kind in here."
one of the yogurt tubs says back to him, "why not? we're cultured."

a number twelve walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint of beer.
"sorry I can't serve you," states the bartender.
"why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger.
"you're under 18," replies the bartender.

a golf club walks into a local bar and asks the bartender for a pint of beer.
the bartender refuses to serve him. "why not?" asks the golf club.
"you'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

and finally:


three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. the waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. the first vampire responds, "i vould like some blood."

the waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. the vampire responds, "i vould like some blood."

the waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. the vampire responds, "i vould like some plasma."

the waitress looks up and says, "let me see if I have this order correct. you want two bloods and a blood light?"

mob :classic:
 

Indie

Bronze
Nov 15, 2002
546
0
0
NO, NO, REALLY! I'M REALLY SILLY!

Loved them! Thank you! Great laughs! Loved the one about the neutron and the one about the yogurts.

Hee hee hee.....Got more?

-Indie
 

mobrouser

Bronze
Jan 1, 2002
2,316
77
48
a sea anemone floats into a bar and says to the bartender, "i'd like to buy a drink for that man in the corner." the bartender takes the drink to the man in the corner and says, "this is from your friend over there." the man replies, "with anemone like that, who needs friends?"


two hamburgers walk into a bar. they go up to the bartender and say, "we'd like two pizzas with mushrooms. "the bartender replies, "i'm sorry we don't serve food."

a mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. the bartender says, "we don't serve mushrooms here."
the mushroom says, "why not? i'm a fun guy!"

a man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. the giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. the man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells "hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!"
the drunk replies, "that's not a lion! it's a giraffe."


two strings walk into a bar... the first string orders and the bartender throws him out yelling "i don't serve strings in this bar". the other string roughs himself up on the floor and curls up and orders. the bartender shouts, "hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the second string says "yeah". the bartender says "aren't you a string?" the string says "no, i'm a frayed knot..."

and finally....

a woman walked into a sex shop and asked for a vibrator. the shop assistant gestured with his index finger and said, "come this way." the woman replied, "if I could come that way, i wouldn't need a bloody vibrator."

mob :classic:
 

Criss Colon

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
21,843
189
0
37
yahoomail.com
A Dominican Walks Into A Bar

A Dominican walks into a bar in Howard Beach with a parrot on his shoulder."Hey,thats really neat",says the bartender,"where did you get him?"

"Washington Heights",says the parrot."There are a million of em over there!!!!!!!!!!!:cool: