The retirement speech


Kansas redneck an proud of it
Apr 23, 2004

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the

A leading local political figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the
presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words
while they waited:

"Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my
first impression of this parish from the first confession I heard here.

I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person
who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set, and when
questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen
money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his
boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous
occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested
several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister-in-law. I was
appalled that
one person could do so many awful things.

But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and
I had, indeed, come to a
fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and
gave his talk:

"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived," said the
politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to

him for confession."

Moral: Never, never be late!