What is it with North Americans (and a few others)

[MommC]

What ticks me off the most.....

is when ppl PM me looking for info and bookings for diving or Catalina Island trips.
I give them the number of the Dominican friend who organizes things for them (at a discount to regular resort prices) and then they don't show up or cancel at 12:30 AM and he gets stuck paying his costs (he has to pre-reserve with the boats, food vendors etc.).
I've now told him to get a deposit from them BEFORE making the arrangements to cover his costs should they back out.

I've found that rather than meet ppl directly I provide phone numbers and contact info and let them do their own thing.
Keeps me from getting frustrated and wasting my time and lets them feel they are more 'in control' and not being 'taken'.

 

[Sadams]

Don't let others darken your sunshine

Matilda,
You help people, because you have a good heart! There are mean, selfish people everywhere. Do not let any of these rude people, change your soul!
Even though, it does sometimes, cause a person to become negative, with a bad attitude. You will receive the best reward and gift possible!

Which is............you are truely a good, giving, kind hearted person. And that is a trait you can be very proud of. This is something no amount of money or clout can give you. KEEP IT! Because no matter what you do in your life, people will never forget this wonderful gift you have ( a friend to all).
Susanne

 

[Rocky]

Matilda,
You help people, because you have a good heart! There are mean, selfish people everywhere. Do not let any of these rude people, change your soul!
Even though, it does sometimes, cause a person to become negative, with a bad attitude. You will receive the best reward and gift possible!

Which is............you are truely a good, giving, kind hearted person. And that is a trait you can be very proud of. This is something no amount of money or clout can give you. KEEP IT! Because no matter what you do in your life, people will never forget this wonderful gift you have ( a friend to all).
Susanne

Verry nicely said.

 

[Matilda]

So many great comments and such good advice here. Thanks to all. I agree that it is sad that in other societies people are suspicious of people wanting to help for nothing (as says Whirleybird), maybe that is just how we change here, and you are right, I need to be clearer to people why and how I am prepared to help. The money issue is a good idea, and many people after having been helped have donated cash to worthy causes here. I would find it hard to ask for cash up front though.

I don't agree with Chris (not the moderator Chris, the other one!) that the Dominicans are as bad - at least not in my experieince, but then again somehow I expect them to be a little late and I expect more of North Americans and Europeans. My fault maybe. And I love it when people turn up unexpectedly. To me it is one of the joys of living here. Having spent 15 years in London with NEVER an unexpected visitor, I love having people turn up day and night!!! Makes life so much more fun.

Thanks again everyone, and keep the good advice coming, and obviously it is not only me who has this issue.

matilda

 

[Ladybird]

So true words

Matilda thank you so much for this thread, I was beginning to think it was just me, that has had the experiences you have had. I have been this way all my life helping people without ever expecting/anything in return, but just in the past couple of weeks I have found I have changed. Ive really hardened up, (which I thought I would never do and I certainly dont enjoy this feeling), but I finally had enough of people taking advantage of my good nature over and over and I also, am not talking about Dominicans. A few people have often told me they thought I was crazy and couldnt understand why I felt the need to help others. Sad isnt it? folk like you and I are often taken advantage of, simply because of how we are. I dont think I can go back to the way I was, Ive been hurt too many times. Keep your head up girl, I am sure we are happier than those selfish people that have taken advantage of us and others similar to us, like Bush Baby and Lambada for example.:hurt:

 

[Lambada]

Forgive me, it's almost as long as some of Nals

It certainly isn't only you having this issue, Matilda. I screen out now on IQ (there is a certain level which is a minimum requisite for living a happy life here and..............if they don't have it, they don't have it). I also get to know in the exchange of a few emails whether this person is someone I want to help - if I get 'demands' & a sense of 'entitlement' I just stop responding to their mails. I also screen out where someone refuses to give me any background info on themselves - how can I know whether they'll be happy here if they won't tell me anything at all? Plus you can't help thinking, what have they got to hide?

The other thing I usually do is invite people to our house. That way I don't wait for people anywhere (not that I've ever waited longer than 10 mins). So far we haven't had any mad axemen appear...........:cheeky: Once I meet the person I try to find out what they already know about life in the DR & take it from there. If I find they are misusing theirs and my time to tell me all about their life in xxxxxsville back home, the info session gets terminated - they obviously didn't come to ask me questions & listen to the answers. So they are shown the door.

If someone gets lost finding us (I always send a map & detailed directions) I am prepared to listen to the saga of 'I took the wrong turn here' for approx 10 mins. Then we move on. If they don't or they keep coming back to it again & again then see previous paragraph. It tells me they are too self-centred for life here.

Grahame & I have been together 18 years so we know each other's 'looks' & what they signify. He can tell when I've had enough & likewise so can I. There are some people we meet who are so delightful that never a look passes between Grahame & I. Then there are others when the 'looks' are palpable after about 20 mins...............:laugh:

Having said all that sorry I was late to this thread. I was taking a new DR1 poster Giglet on the tour of unusual places in Puerto Plata this morning . She was ready on time (in fact she was outside the hotel early), suitably dressed and was delightful company. She is here on holiday & a Brit. I once took a US female resident around & she flung open the jeep door flattening a little old man on the street because she didn't look first. She didn't apologise, go to help him up or anything - I did all that, copiously. And she couldn't understand why I said that was unacceptable. In fact she stopped talking to me shortly after that. :laugh: Fortunately her husband appears to have seen the light & ditched her for a younger, more attractive & sensitive Dominican partner...............so there might be a US cultural component somewhere in all this?

And I don't find the locals (Dominicans) rude in their time-keeping behaviour. I know that 10 am means sometime before 11, so why should that be rude?

 

[Rocky]

Matilda thank you so much for this thread, I was beginning to think it was just me, that has had the experiences you have had. I have been this way all my life helping people without ever expecting/anything in return, but just in the past couple of weeks I have found I have changed. Ive really hardened up, (which I thought I would never do and I certainly dont enjoy this feeling), but I finally had enough of people taking advantage of my good nature over and over and I also, am not talking about Dominicans. A few people have often told me they thought I was crazy and couldnt understand why I felt the need to help others. Sad isnt it? folk like you and I are often taken advantage of, simply because of how we are. I dont think I can go back to the way I was, Ive been hurt too many times. Keep your head up girl, I am sure we are happier than those selfish people that have taken advantage of us and others similar to us, like Bush Baby and Lambada for example.:hurt:

I was almost on the floor I was laughing so hard.
Pretending to be one of the Matilda's of the world was killing me, until you gave yourself away and your true colours showed, as you took your nasty shots at Lambada & Bushbaby.
Just couldn't help yourself, could you?
You might have fooled some of the newbies, if you hadn't slipped up at the end, ya poor ole' sod.

 

[cobraboy]

Personal Responsibility is soooo Old School...

 

[apostropheman]

Wow! :ermm:

I confess I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting lambada and BushBaby in person (but will rectify that soonest). That said, I know that you'd be very hard pressed to find any other people that have been more selfless and helpful in this forum. BushBaby and lambada, amongst other great contributors on DR1, are always most generous with their time and knowledge.

I find it strange that anyone could have anything against them!

 

[Chirimoya]

Are you sure that's what LB meant or was she being (deliberately?) ambiguous?

Keep your head up girl, I am sure we are happier than those selfish people that have taken advantage of us and others similar to us, like Bush Baby and Lambada for example.

Are Bushbaby and Lambada being equated to 'others similar to us' or to 'those selfish people that [sic] have taken advantage of us'?

 

[Chris]

OK, I don't think Ladybird meant what you all think she meant. I think she simply made a cumbersome sentence that can easily be misread. Note, I'm commenting on the sentence, not on the accuracy or veracity of the post.

 

[apostropheman]

agreed although " :hurt: " just confused things more.

OK, I don't think Ladybird meant what you all think she meant. I think she simply made a cumbersome sentence that can easily be misread. Note, I'm commenting on the sentence, not on the accuracy or veracity of the post.

Regardless, I stand by what I said as it was a general summation of my feelings towards lambada and BushBaby and the continual help they offer here.

 

[Chris]

agreed although " :hurt: " just confused things more.

Yes, we have some posters that are very confused.

 

[Rocky]

Are you sure that's what LB meant or was she being (deliberately?) ambiguous?

As sure as I'm sitting here.
It's widely known how much Ladybird despises Lambada and Bushbaby.
There is no ambiguity here.

 

[Ladybird]

To clarify matters, I meant how Lambada and Bushbaby help so many others, NOT what you are trying to make it Rocky. Its just a pity that so many nice people have been hurt by your cruel nasty pms, maybe they should post them on here so folk can see your true colours. I have never even spoken to you so where on earth do you get that I despise BB and Lambada?? I have never once uttered anything like that. The only reason you attack me so often is that I wont put up with your bile and the lies that you spread. The real residents here that know you well eough dont frequent your premises, that speaks volumes.
Enough, can we get back to the topic of the thread now

 

[Matilda]

Thanks lambada, Oh Wise One for your sage words. Yes I should suss out people more by email, and although I am on my own at home most of the time it would be far more convenient to see people here to save me wasting time waiting in other places. If they don't get put off living here by venturing into the woods then nothing will. And I do have my bodyguard - Tyson!!!

<img src="http://www.caribbetech.com/2007weather/dog.jpg">

 

[Matilda]

Sorry sorry sorry he's come out much too big!!!!!!!

 

[John Evans]

I dont agree with drchris either about Dominicans ...it has been my experience that they often turn up a day early....the only person that turned up a week late was a British person that had been living here for quite a while

 

[Lambada]

Rocky & apos, thanks for the loyal defence but I just took it as an ambiguous use of English. I didn't take it as a personal attack. You have to REALLY hit me over the head for me to see anything as a personal attack. Then you have to work even harder for me to consider it important.............

Let's get back to Matilda's thread. And the issue of sagacious helping of the people who want to move or holiday here.

I wonder, could we perhaps hear from some of the folk who didn't meet Matilda as pre-arranged? What their 'reasons' were?

By the way, Matilda, when you've offered help on the board, made the arrangements by PM or email & the folks don't show, why not go back to that thread & ask the question - WHY? It would alert others to remove their help also. Not so much a flame war or battle but a nudge/wink to others that these people are unreliable so..............don't waste your time.

 

[Rocky]

To clarify matters, I meant how Lambada and Bushbaby help so many others, NOT what you are trying to make it Rocky. Its just a pity that so many nice people have been hurt by your cruel nasty pms, maybe they should post them on here so folk can see your true colours. I have never even spoken to you so where on earth do you get that I despise BB and Lambada?? I have never once uttered anything like that. The only reason you attack me so often is that I wont put up with your bile and the lies that you spread. The real residents here that know you well eough dont frequent your premises, that speaks volumes.
Enough, can we get back to the topic of the thread now

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Come. come now, Ladybird.
Don't be trying to slime your way out of that one.
We know who you are and how many times you have dissed Lambada & Bushbaby on DR1.
And you can't help yourself, because it's in your nature, as you now start attacking me, and even my business.
And those PMs you talk about.
You mean like the time I told you to shut up on the thread about Whirleybird's son dying, and you were trying to make the thread about you and how hard you had to work to get Charlie on an airplane to England, blah blah blah.....
You mean those PMs?
Go for it.
Post them.
I welcome it.
Everytime you open your mouth, more venom flows out, and that's a good thing, so that the newbies can get to know the real you too.