What is reasonable child support?

severino

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Aug 3, 2009
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Just wondering what is a reasonable amount to send to the DR to support one 13 year old child. My husband lives in the UK and we have 3 children 3,4 and 8. His son came to visit us for 6 months on a visit visa and has now gone back home. Since his return his mum has constantly asked for money for him, she sold all his school uniform and asked for money for new uniform and now wants even more money than before each month. My husband seems to think he must pay for everything for this child and support his mother aswell. So just wondered what is a reasonable amount he should send to her each month for his child. Surely this mother should be paying something towards her child, after all she finally has a part time job after sitting at home for years being supported by my husband.

He doesn't feel the same need to support his children here and it is a constant nightmare to get him to support his 3 children here and he wouldn't dream of financially supporting me as his wife of 8 years.
 

severino

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Sorry my husband is Dominican and so is his ex who lives with his son in DR, he has been in the UK 10 years now and I met hiim here in the UK.
 

waytogo

Moderator - North Coast Forum & Covid
Apr 3, 2009
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You will receive a lot of replies about a Dominican man paying or not paying child support.
I am not going to comment any further on this because there are a lot of people far more learned on this topic than me that you will hear from shortly. Good Luck.......
 

MrMike

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Mar 2, 2003
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I think most Dominican men pay a few thousand pesos a month for child support. Yes, I know its not much, but if you consider there are families with multiple kids living on 8 - 12k a month then it makes sense.
 

Chirimoya

Moderator - East Coast & Headline News
Dec 9, 2002
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When a friend took her ex-husband to court for child support, she met some other women in the waiting room. Their claims ranged from RD$500 a month to a couple of hundred thousands of pesos per month by the ex-mistress of a very wealthy man. The calculations are based on the father's income and the child's needs, but most women I know in that situation get much less than the court awards and are either having to lump it or continue taking their exes to court.
 

RacerX

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I think $200 is a good number thats 50 clams a month. I dont know how much that is in euros or pounds but that is lower than the average wage here.
If it is his 1st child he must love the boy like no other and he wants him to get a good life. You re in europe so those kids are ok any how but he wants his 13yo boy to have the same kind of life. I d just petition for the boy to come to me in UK.
 

severino

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Aug 3, 2009
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Thanks everyone for your help. He has always supported this child and his mother very well, sending her large amounts of money over the years, enabling her to stay at home and look after her child. We have three children together and both need to work to support these children, although he doesnt feel he has to support the children with me in the same way as he does his son over in the DR. His son came to live with us in the UK in October last year, but in November his father had to leave the family home and left me to look after his child along with our 3. I looked after his child until he went back home in February, but i am no longer prepared to do this alone. Thats why he has now returned home.
 

ForeverOne

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Do the math. Where does he live? How much is school, unless he's in public school. Food, clothes, etc.
 

La Mariposa

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Thanks everyone for your help. He has always supported this child and his mother very well, sending her large amounts of money over the years, enabling her to stay at home and look after her child. We have three children together and both need to work to support these children, although he doesnt feel he has to support the children with me in the same way as he does his son over in the DR. His son came to live with us in the UK in October last year, but in November his father had to leave the family home and left me to look after his child along with our 3. I looked after his child until he went back home in February, but i am no longer prepared to do this alone. Thats why he has now returned home.
May I ask where did your husband go all that time ???
 

severino

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La Mariposa - yes he was arrested for assault against me and placed on bail and not allowed to contact me or come to the house, but left his son with me to look after. It took till March to come to court and the case was then dismissed.
He has been living seperately from me since then, but we have been trying to sort our problems out. He paid me some money to look after his son when he was living with me here in the UK, but now wants to pay even more than that amount to his mum each month, is the cost of living not higher in the UK than the DR?
 
E

engineerfg

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Oddly I've had to figure this thing out the past few weeks here. What does the 'average' person make for a living? Here's what I've found out:

1. the 'minimum wage' as it were seems to be about 4000 DOP per month, meaning employers can't pay you less than that for an hourly employee (so i'm told). But many do...

2. the guy who watches over your car at the shopping mall, works 12 hour days and makes 4000/month

3. the guys that work at the hotel here make between 5000 (labor, no english, clean gardens etc), up to 8000 (speak english, have customer service skills)

4. the girls that hand out flyers at the mall for claro codetel make about 4000

5. the dental assistant makes about 9000/month

6. government employed doctors make about 60K DOP/month as their 'base' government paid salary. most (all perhaps) have a private practice on the side that's where they make their extra cash money

7. a good quality taxi costs about 200dop to take for 1 journey. a car publico (shared taxi amongst 5-15 folks) costs about 15 pesos.

8. a bottle of cold water on the street costs ab out 15pesos.

9. strangely - a wendy's hamburger costs 300 dop - where in canada it's considered ugh gross rubbish food, here it's considered not a bad meal given the above salaries...
 

La Mariposa

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La Mariposa - yes he was arrested for assault against me and placed on bail and not allowed to contact me or come to the house, but left his son with me to look after. It took till March to come to court and the case was then dismissed.
He has been living seperately from me since then, but we have been trying to sort our problems out. He paid me some money to look after his son when he was living with me here in the UK, but now wants to pay even more than that amount to his mum each month, is the cost of living not higher in the UK than the DR?
I'm sorry for you and your kids, of course. Are you sure that his ex is really his ex ??? or maybe he made an agreement with her for letting the child go to UK ??? or maybe the child explained to his mom the way you were living in the UK all you have in the house......
 

severino

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When his son came over to stay here he bought him so many expensive gifts, a bmx bike, a psp, a steroa, mobile phone which he took back to the DR along with a suitcase full of new clothes, so his mother has obviously got the impression that life is good here, but thats not the case at all, my husband refuses to buy anything for our children at all and if they need anything i have to buy this for them.

I met my husband in the UK and knew nothing about the DR then, he had been married to a lady 20 years older than him and had got divorced from her within a year. I only wish i had found this site years ago and had the courage to start posting earlier.

When i met my husband he explained that his sister looked after his son and it was his sister i thought he was talking to on the phone and sending lots of money too. It took me quite a while to find out that this was not actually his sister but his girlfriend. I found a letter from her and had this translated explaining to him not to come back until he had enough money for them to buy a house together.

I should have left him at this point but have carried on in the relationship over the years, i didnt quite beleive things at first but it's only reading on here that i have found that this is quite common.

We have been together nearly 9 years now and i just wonder how long this women will carry on waiting for him, but i guess as long as she is still getting her money from him she will wait for ever. I have never had the courage to speak out about this situation before and feel so stupid for being sucked in.
 

La Rubia

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Jan 1, 2010
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He has been living seperately from me since then, but we have been trying to sort our problems out. He paid me some money to look after his son when he was living with me here in the UK, but now wants to pay even more than that amount to his mum each month, is the cost of living not higher in the UK than the DR?
If it's going to work for you, you need to come up with a flat rate that does not depend on the whim of the mother, who obviously is using this money to support herself. No matter what amount is sent to support the child, the mother will use it for herself. Personally, I would rather have the child in the UK, where he can get an education and I would know that the money spent for him was actually used on him. I would calculate the amount he would have to pay for one child in the UK and then cut that in half. Although many things are more expensive in the DR, you probably have a mortgage, insurance, taxes etc/, fees that you pay for in the UK, that the mother probably doesn't. I think half of what you would get in the UK would be generous in the DR. If the mother would file for child support there, it probably wouldn't be nearly as much as he's sending now.
I hope it works out for you, ten years and three children is a big investment. There are some painful red flags in the situation you describe, and to work it out you have to make sure he's as invested in the marriage as much as you are. I also hope that he's "paying" you for the support of his children with you. If he's not sharing household responsibilities for his children with you, his child in the DR is not your biggest problem. If it's possible to bring the child to the UK and you could find it in your heart to do it, you would find out quickly if the support he needs to send is about the child or about the mother.
I'm all for second chances, but assault is serious whether or not the charges were dropped. Be careful!
 

La Rubia

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Jan 1, 2010
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I have never had the courage to speak out about this situation before and feel so stupid for being sucked in.
Sorry, I didn't see this before my last post.
Congratulations to you for being strong enough to post and smart enough to ask for advice. There have been many before you that have gotten "sucked in"--it hurts, but what's important is how you move on. You are generous to want to continue to support the child. Evaluate what you are getting from him, as opposed to what he is taking from you. The letter you saw explains why he doesn't support you, he's saving and planning for his move back home. His first wife, may be the love of his life that he will return to some day. There's nothing that will take the pain away from that, but you can try to protect yourself financially.
Best of luck, and keep reaching out for support in whatever form you can.
 

severino

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Aug 3, 2009
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Thanks La Rubia, I wanted him to come to the UK for this reason but then his dad left and i found it too difficult with 4 children on my own and working. His son is 13 and has quite difficult behaviour with very little respect, he was very behind with his education and not interested in learning at all.

I have had to get child maintence set up here in the UK and he pays maintenance for the children we have. I have tried to talk to him this week to see if we can sort out living arrangements so that the children have some stability. He currently rents a room but was going to move back and contribute to the living costs.

His sons mother wants 6500 pesos a month in maintenance for her child, he will send her what ever she asks for, but when i have said that is too much bearing in mind the amount he has spent on his son in the last few months, he refuses to reduce this amount and so has gone back to the rented room.

He will always do what she says and doesnt listen to anything i have to say, its like she is the one he can not upset, but doesnt care about me or my children.
 

La Mariposa

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Thanks La Rubia, I wanted him to come to the UK for this reason but then his dad left and i found it too difficult with 4 children on my own and working. His son is 13 and has quite difficult behaviour with very little respect, he was very behind with his education and not interested in learning at all.

I have had to get child maintence set up here in the UK and he pays maintenance for the children we have. I have tried to talk to him this week to see if we can sort out living arrangements so that the children have some stability. He currently rents a room but was going to move back and contribute to the living costs.

His sons mother wants 6500 pesos a month in maintenance for her child, he will send her what ever she asks for, but when i have said that is too much bearing in mind the amount he has spent on his son in the last few months, he refuses to reduce this amount and so has gone back to the rented room.

He will always do what she says and doesnt listen to anything i have to say, its like she is the one he can not upset, but doesnt care about me or my children.
Well I'm sorry to tell you but you just said it.
 

La Mariposa

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Sorry, I didn't see this before my last post.
Congratulations to you for being strong enough to post and smart enough to ask for advice. There have been many before you that have gotten "sucked in"--it hurts, but what's important is how you move on. You are generous to want to continue to support the child. Evaluate what you are getting from him, as opposed to what he is taking from you. The letter you saw explains why he doesn't support you, he's saving and planning for his move back home. His first wife, may be the love of his life that he will return to some day. There's nothing that will take the pain away from that, but you can try to protect yourself financially.
Best of luck, and keep reaching out for support in whatever form you can.
Very good post