Where have all the men gone?

[Criss Colon]

I have been "Converted"or maybe,"Perverted"!

I will now give "Jade" a "Thumbs-UP"! She has given as good as she takes! She has big "Ovaries"!(Why should the male "Fountains-Of-Life" (Balls) be the only way to describe a person who stands up for what they believe) "You Go Girl"!( a phrase I hate),but what the hell! She is also politically saavy,what most men in this country are not! Men here support the party that gives them the most;"franelas,gorras,y cien pesos para la vota! Criss Colon

 

[AZB]

"At least azb little retarded poetry had some substance" jade

Excuse meeee, that was my best piece ever written. All dedicated to you my love.
But now I see that you have decided to let us "men" live so I will also lay down my weapons and make piece with you.
You see, us men only know 10 things about women:
1. ---------
2.---------
3.----------
4.----------
5.----------
6.----------
7.---------
8.---------
9.---------
10. They have boobs.

So tell me this, do you blame us?

 

[jade]

I feel so honored to be in your humble presence!!!

I shall lay my boobs on the table and make piece with you.

You see, us women only know 10 things about men:

1. The only thing their good for is to move furniture around.
2. Thier paychecks belong to us!
3.There is no thing as his and hers.... it is only hers!
4. Place blinders on a man and treat them like a horse! only use them to ride and procreate!(here and there throw tibits at them, keeps them happy!)
5. If you want a man to cooperate just pretent he is God and you are humble(this always works)Sometimes you may have to shed a few tears and let them have a glimpse of your cleavage.
6.Men use the excuse that they are ruled by thier testosterones to cover up thier stupidity in getting caught.
7. Men are easily munipulated
8. They prefer their right hand to their left.
9. Toys work better than men
10. Thier cohones leave them as soon as they see a good piece of (_/_)

So tell me this, do you blame us?

 

[Escott]

Re: Thank you for welcoming me to this site!

Your replies have once again astounded me. I did start this thread to introduce myself and also so that you boys would understand the significance of certain actions when you post.

Ah, you wanted to introduce yourself? This had nothing to do with the street dogs in Santiago then?

I can also see that it does not matter to most how a women looks as long as they can put a bag over her head. [/B]

Someone should bring up double bagging so she doesn't get totally confused.

And as for penis envy....... I do not need a penis to speak my mine! I just prefer men who do not need to grab thier crotch to reasssure themselves that they have one.[/B]

Mine=mind
Thier=their
Reasssure= ah nevermind. Get a spell checker.

I can assure you that my next thread will have a less controversial topic and will have more substance. This was only so that i could rant out an injustice to women.[/B]

What injustice?

[/B][/QUOTE]
Thank you (old shriveled wise one) for correcting my spelling "crouch""crotch". In the future I shall be more careful and so must you. It is strength not strenght [/B][/QUOTE]

Hey I resemble that remark! LOL

So whats on your mind Jade? It seems that you may have something to say but for the life of me I just don't get it. I guess I am a little slow on the uptake.

So, in retrospect, did you get enough attention with your post or are you unhappy with the response?

 

[Escott]

Jane Baby!

Jade,

If you're a woman posting on these boards and you want to avoid trouble, you can't come right out and disagree with or criticize the men folk. You have to choose your words in a way that makes you come off as shy or playful and end every sentence with .

Don't even bother getting into it with them. They'll only bring you down with them.

I speak from personal experience.

*Shudder*

SO, do you take these message boards too seriously or do I not take them seriously enough?

Man I am having a hard time firguring this all out.

Regards
Scott

 

[Jane J.]

Too seriously? Moi?

That's twice now that you've accused me of taking things too seriously...Dude, it's called having a warped sense of humour.

As much as I hate using emoticons, I'm going to look for a good one for sarcasm, one that would be appropriate for tongue-in-cheek remarks - that way you'll know.

Here's one:

 

[jade]

Jane has said it all l!!!!!!!!

There is no need for me to reply........



good job jane i'm still giggling...

 

[Criss Colon]

Janej,I think you are ;"On to Something!"

You give new meaning to the old saying;"Hey Honey,How about a "little Head?" One "problem" with the anatomical design of women (for men)has always been that the "good parts" are to far apart! Now with "your" new design just imagine. A man picks up a "New Design" woman takes her home,throws her on the bed,and there she stays until he needs her!You don,t have to buy her any clothes! Men could ask each other in the office;Hey "Golo" did you get "Balled" last night?" Your "design" will eliminate women,s age old complaint that men never take them along when they play "sports"!Visualize this;bowling together,(eliminates "Ball" rental) "Basketball", Soccer,Rugby.The "Little Lady" would be an important,"Part-Of-The-Game!!!Men would take their wives and girlfriends to the beach.Men could "workout" with their wives.The fatter your wife the better your "workout".A man could carry a "Six-Pack" with one hand, his woman with the other,(and only use two fingers!) If we could learn to balance an Extra Large Double Pepperoni Pizza on our heads life would be "Perfect"! Sex wiyh a "Jane J New Design Woman" would be every man,s fantasy! Good taste does not allow me to elaborate,but trust me men would be Very Happy! Now, many men feel that women talk Too Much! Especially after "sex".Now we could just roll our lady "face-side-down",and go to sleep! Except that would leave the lady "bum-side-up" and we might not be "tired" anymore! Hey Jane,your design might be better for men AND women! Just a little "Tongue-In-Cheek" humour from Criss Colon. C.C.

 

[Jane J.]

Uuuuhhh okaay...

Criss, it's a SMILEY - a computer animation...But if you want to have sex with it, I say why the heck not? This is the Year 2002, after all

Let us know how it turns out!

 

[Jan]

Oh Oh!! Can I get involved here??!! Found these and thought all might enjoy...
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex? A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertalize one egg? A: Tehy don't stop to ask directions.
Q: Why did God put men on earth? A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

And my favorite!
Q~ Why did God make men before women? A: You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.

Sorry boys ...you know I still love you...Just couldn't resist

 

[AtlantaBob]

And how about the blonde...

that caught her boyfriend in bed with another girl. She pulled a gun on them, but with a feeling of self pity she put the gun to her own head. "No don't!" her boy friend exclaimed. "It's not worth it!" "Don't worry buster" she replied all teary eyed "you're next!"

 

[Criss Colon]

After Jan,s post I can "Get-away" with this!

"Why did God make women?.............Because sheep can,t cook!!!!and now for the Ladies... Australian man,s "foreplay"..."Get me a Fosters" will ya sheila?" American man,s"foreplay" "Honey,roll over"! Englishman;"Honey,you awake?".Italian man "hey Maria I,m home!" Dominican man,s "foreplay"oh! sorry,dominican men don,t do that!..............Man to new girlfriend after first,(and probably last) lovemaking;"Was it as good for you as it was for me?" Girlfriend; "I don,t know it,s hard to make a decision like that in only 30 seconds"!.....Girl to Criss Colon upon seeing his penis for the first time;"Just who do you expect to SATISFY with that little "thing?"..Criss to girl;"Why Myself of course!!!!!"Did you know that there are 4 kinds of "Orgasms"?#1.the Positive orgasm; Oh Yes,Oh Yes,Oh Yeeeesssss!!.....#2.the Negative orgasm;Oh No,Oh No,Oh NOOOOOhh!.....#3.the Religious orgasm;Oh God,Oh God,Oh God!#4.the "Fake" orgasm;Oh,TonyC,Oh TonyC,Oh TonyC!!!!!!!!!CC

 

[Musicqueen]

Jan started it...My Hero!!!

I was just e-mailed this by a girlfriend...


WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS DEFINITIONS
>
> 40-ish........................... 49
> Adventurer.................... Slept with all your friends
> Athletic........................... No boobs
> Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
> Beautiful.......................... Pathological liar
> Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy
> Educated......................... Banged her Political Science professor
> Emotionally Secure......... Medicated
> Feminist........................... Fat
> Free spirit....................... Junkie
> Fun................................. Annoying
> Gentle............................. Comatose
> Good Listener................. Borderline Autistic
> New-Age....................... All body hair, all the time
> Old-fashioned.................. Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs
> Open-minded.................. Desperate
> Outgoing.......................... Loud and Embarrassing
> Passionate....................... Sloppy drunk
> Poet................................ Depressive Schizophrenic
> Professional.................... Certified Bitch
> Redhead.......................... Bad dye-job
> Reubenesque.................. Grossly Fat
> Romantic......................... Looks better by candle light
> Social............................. Has been passed around like an hors
d'oeuvres tray
> Voluptuous...................... Very Fat
> Weight proportion w/ height......Hugely Fat -as tall as you are wide
> Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker
> Widow............................ Drove first husband to shoot himself
> Young at heart................ Old bat
>
> MEN'S PERSONAL ADS DEFINITIONS
>
> 40-ish............................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
> Athletic........................ Watches a lot of NASCAR
> Average looking............ Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
> Educated..................... Will patronize the shit out of you
> Free Spirit.................... Banging your sister
> Friendship first............... As long as friendship involves nookie
> Fun.............................. Good with a remote and a six pack
> Good looking............... Arrogant
> Very good looking........ Dumb as a board
> Honest.......................... Pathological Liar
> Huggable....................... Overweight, more body hair than a bear
> Likes to cuddle............. Insecure mama's boy
> Mature.......................... Older than your father
> Open-minded............... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
> Physically fit................... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
> Poet.............................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
> Sensitive....................... Cries at chick flicks
> Very sensitive................. Gay
> Spiritual........................ Got laid in a cemetery once
> Stable........................... Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
> Thoughtful...................... Says "Excuse me" when he farts


And if I might add a little "change" to Jan's favorite: Why did God make men before women...(A) You need a rough draft before you make it PERFECT!

 

[Escott]

A woman asked me just the other day if I thought that I was good in bed...


I said, "Hell yeah BaBy... I please myself ALL the time"

Regards
Scott

 

[Jan]

Oh Musicqueen ...can't wait to go to a colamdo or two with you!
Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common? A:Thev're intended for children, but men usually end up playing with them
Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? A: Because their balls fall over their asshlos and they vapor-lock
Q: Why do men masturbate? A: It is sex with someone they love
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A: So they won't hump women's legs at coctail parties(NOTE:this sounds like so many of the "macho men" posters here)
Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if hes coming or going.

Sorry if this is inappropriate(and I know thats spelt wrong). Please forgive me but it had to be said. And who better to say it that the X founder and president of the "She Woman Man Haters Club"!
The slogan of this fine group was the hand up in the stop actoin sigh...saying "WO-MAN". Did you knbow thats why the restrooms say WOMAN...its to tell the men to WOAH!-MAN....LOL!
But for you men here after I came to this wonderful country I rsigned my post as president of this fine orginazation so I could discover the "Dominican Male" in all his glory!
Now if this k\makes sense to allof you then you must be enjoying your 4th bottle of Presidente just as I am right now!
Remembr this is all in jest ..not meant to offend anyone...Kises to all!

 

[Musicqueen]

Jan...You're on, girl!

I'm planning on hitting all the "colmados" I can!

Did you read DRMarine's post about my age?....

Have them all fooled, ha?...

Shhhhhh!!! You know the truth...don't tell!

 

[Jan]

Gottan stay mysterious...keep them wondering! I'll never tell.
And yes we'll hit all the colmados...especially the ones near TW's house. We'll take a publico there and sit on his tree stump in front of his house dancing bachata in the street, and hake sure we throw our orange peels and beer bottles all around. Pib ..you are in this too! And if Barbs here she will join in I'm sure.
You'll join us wont you TW?

 

[AZB]

Sorry to burst your bubble, Musicqueen, but DRMarine knows very well that you are above 35 yrs of age (my guess 38-40); he was just being polite to you. On the other hand, you still look cute for your age.... i must admit.
Now....... hello theresa.... you are hotttttt!!!!!
Atlanta, here I come!!!!!

 

[Musicqueen]

AZB...

Baby...nobody can "burst" my bubble about my age...

You didn't even guess right!

Like Jan says...keep 'em wondering...I try to stay fit and healthy.

Thanks for the compliment...anyway!

Do you live in DR?...If so, I'll buy you a Presidente also when I move down there...just for guessing!

Anybody else?

Can you tell I'm proud of my age? (No, I'm not being conceited, don't start you guys!)

Love you all...can't wait to be there!!! I miss DR!!!

 

[Hillbilly]

And to think I went ot the capital yesterday, and didn't get to meet you Jan. I was going to post that joke, thought it was funnnnny!.

As for the MusicQueen, I am envious since i am a fan of Milly y los Vecinos.. Good music, however chopo it might be. My grandson says it is "Musiquito lindo"

HB, a grinnin' like a fool...