Why do Dominicans lie???

[miguel]

De donde salen.....

I am well used to Dominicans lying (so do English builders - "I will be back in the morning" ha ha!!!). But in the last week it has happened so often, I would like to know if anyone has managed to stop them lying. In the last week I have had husband "My cell phone is at home" (Translated means "I have lent it to someone"), then "I have lent my cell phone to xyz", translated means "I have lost it yet again". The we have step son number 2 "No I haven't seen your little lap top, but I will look for it soon" which translated means "I sold it to a guy in San Pedro and will now have to try and get it back".

Next stepson number 2 having been sent to boarding baseball school 20 miles away for selling lap top, phones and asks us to take his little stereo to him. Ask gardener if he has seen it "No, stepson 2 has it." Husband says gardener has it but can't tell me???? After chat with husband - he who loses cell phone on monthly basis- gardener says that stepson number 2 has called (b****llocks) and told him where it is and gardener then brought it back the next day.

The husband gives one of my dogs away (supposed to be taking him to vet, but gave him away instead). Went to get him back but new owner said dog was dead (of a broken heart!!!). Showed him body of dog. On my insistence that dog wasn't dead and threats of dire actions if dog didn't come back, husband goes again to get dog. Turns out body was not of dog but of goat (!!!!) and dog was returned to me. I can sniff out these lies now!!!

Its not just limited to Dominicans. Rich foreigners owe money in colmado and always promise to pay "I will bring the money in tomorrow" and never do.

Question, is it something in the air here? Will I start doing it too? I can translate my husbands fibs (he says they are only white lies so I won't get upset!!!!), but am not as good at translating all of the others. And how on earth do I stop them lying?????

Matilda

Are you sure you want to tell this to a bunch of strangers?.

Wow, amazing!.

Btw: the kids are just following their dad examples!.

 

[naturelover]

why ask questions if you know the answer is a lie...you already know the answer to the question ....ERRRR i think

 

[cuas]

I am having the same problem with my husband. He is American. "I am 5 min. away". "Come down, I am downstairs". "I have the children, honey" while the children are still waiting for him. etc, etc, etc.

 

[A.Hidalgo]

I am having the same problem with my husband. He is American. "I am 5 min. away". "Come down, I am downstairs". "I have the children, honey" while the children are still waiting for him. etc, etc, etc.

For a second there I thought it was only Dominicans.:cheeky:

 

[Norma Rosa]

When God said: "Thou shall not bear false witness" He was only thinking of Dominicans.

In a serious note, I attribute this weakness of so many to poor religious and social training. (I hope I don't get in trouble here.)

People in countless nations have been taught to go after the religious paraphernalia. They have not been instructed on how to internalize and apply some of the most basic moral concepts. This is sad. We need to grow. This childlike behavior is not OK. A lie, big or small is not OK.

 

[Chip]

Not all Dominicans lie of course, except when it comes to things related to time, haha! For example "I will call you back tomorrow", or "I will fix it tomorrow" or "I'll see you there at 9".

In fact Domincans expect one another to be late for just about everything and they won't typically be rattled, unless of course they are the supervisor at a mfg plant.

I catch my wife at white lies moslty because she typically has failed to do something she was supposed too, like call the doctor for an appointment, or give the the daughter her medicine at time.

As far about lying about taking possessions, I would have to say as far as I can remember I can't ever remember my wife taking things and then lying about it as she knows I wouldn't take it lightly. If I ever caught any friends or close family doing that they would be a persona non gratis faster than you can say, vete. In fact I had a cunado, who is a carpenter, borrow my power tool set while I was away from the country and he apparently told my wife that I had authorized it, when I had told him that I would lend it to him sometime to try it out. He wasn't pleased nonetheless, but I didn't back down. I finally let him have later on it when he took an extra 9 months to deliver some furniture among other things. He hardly won't talk to me anymore which is fine by me.

My opinion is that close Dominican friends and family can learn what is important to one as a foreigner if one makes things clear. It is only fair given that we foreigners typically have to adjust a lot as well to the different culture.

 

[Lambada]

Matilda, you're doing this to wind me up, aren't you? :laugh:

Dominicans lie no more than anyone else does. They merely repackage the truth and present it in a more palatable form. Verdad? Palatable for the speaker and for the listener..........what goes awry sometimes is the assessment of what is more palatable for the listener. It is not an intention to lie; it is a misjudgement about how it will be received.

When I am being told a whopper by any adult of any nationality I start out with a small grin which slowly broadens as the tale unfolds. In other countries people either get shirty, aggressive or silently passive-aggressive. Here, they grin with you. You don't have to say anything - you both know it was a whopper. The worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is make an issue out of it. Once you both know & there is tacit agreement via a mutual grin, why say anything at all? Not all communication has to be verbal.

And whose truth are we talking about? Suppose it was a staunchly pro-Republican North American citizen and myself. Are our 'truths' going to be the same?


It's rhetorical.

 

[Don Pedro]

Why do Dominicans lie???

Because they do not have the same perception of the reality.

Imaginary is stronger than reality

 

[aimelove]

I hate believing heavily in cultural stereotypes, but the lying thing with Dominicans happens too much for it not to have some validity. I teach Dominican immigrant students here in New York with a minimum of 3 years of English proficiency. It scares me how well some of them lie about the smallest issues. When I speak to them privately about how being seen as a dishonest person takes away the respect they have with others, they look at me like they are hearing it for the first time.

I think the lies come from the fact that some Dominicans have a childlike irresponsibility and because the culture is not as violent as it is in other places like the United States. They'd rather try outwitting you and trying to get away with it, because the odds of another Dominican trumping you with violence is slim. The expectation for honesty is very low, that's why almost every sentence ends with "verdad".

 

[Rocky]

I think the lies come from the fact that some Dominicans have a childlike irresponsibility

Absolutely.
Children have to be taught to not lie.
It's a self preservation issue. When in trouble for doing something wrong, lying is the natural reaction to save oneself.
Honesty, honour, ethics and morals have to be taught to children.
The unfortunate part is that it leads to so called "maturity" and a loss of childlike happiness.
From a business point of view, it seems near impossible to work with people who have not learned these values, yet from a personal point of view, child-like people are often more fun.
If happiness is the the true sign of success, then we (the folks from the industrialized nations) are doomed for failure.

 

[aimelove]

I didn't mind the lies when I was new there as a visitor dating Dominican chicks. Lies are part of the dating game. That's part of the dating game internationally. "I don't have a boyfriend" "I lost your number" "I was sleeping when you called" is part of the game. Now that I am married and go there to handle more serious business, the lies get really annoying.

 

[Janin]

Mm

... It scares me how well some of them lie about the smallest issues.

Lies are found in any culture.
Sometimes they make things smoother, flatter people or prevent hurting someone's feelings.

In this country too many people lie without necessity, for fun it seems.
That's why nobody takes anything seriously.

Goofey, Mickey and the lot...

Janin

 

[Janin]

Better Be An Ostrich

I was devastated when I heard the truth about the Easter bunny and OMG have you heard about San....

...kies? :laugh:

Just imagine all the blue-eyed gringas being told the truth about them...

Janin

 

[Musicqueen]

For the very same reason kids do.

In short, they are childlike, which has a lot to do with why they are so easy going and happy go lucky, have little awareness of time, responsibility and danger.
We wouldn't love them as much as we do if they weren't that way.
We are attracted to their casual ways with easy smiles, and if they ever became "mature" as people from the industrialized nations do, they would lose that beautiful charm they have.

Never read anything more HONEST!!! You are soooo right on, Rocky!!!

Thankfully my husband was taught by his Mom, grandma and aunts and would get a 'cocotazo' or a 'pela con un chucho' if he EVER told a lie...so we have not had any issues with that...as a matter of fact, I've had to brace myself for his TOTAL honesty sometimes...you know...as in 'e'palante que vamos' as a joke when I've told him I think I'm gaining weight...He does NOT mince words, trust me!!!! Although he says it with the utmost love and respect...and I'd rather have him be this way than tell me 'little white lies'...which, as someone said...A lie, big or small, it's still a lie and it's NOT OK!..

BUT...this is not only happening in DR...

I have a lady here at work, that precisely this morning came in at 10:15 carrying her bags as usual...but greets me saying: "Oh, I've been here since 7 am...but I've had to go out twice this morning already, and I didn't leave here until 10 pm last night"!!!!!

Now, she does ALMOST the same type of work I do...with the exception that I actually upload all the info into our website, she 'forwards' articles to the city editor for them to upload...so her workload is much lighter than mine...

I leave here at around 3 or 4 pm every night...there is NOTHING else for me to do, (other than hanging around here!:cheeky or recording commercials or something similar...

So I KNOW she does NOT stay here after I leave...and for SURE she wasn't here at 7 am...THERE IS NOTHING OF ANY IMPORTANCE HAPPENING...trust me...(FIDEL is NOT dead yet, so I know there's nothing going on...)

My question is this...How would you deal with someone like her at work???

Because you KNOW that she says the same thing to everyone else around the office, but since they don't know exactly what she does EVERYONE BELIEVES HER!!!!!

Tony calls her tactics: "Allante y movimiento" (Sp?) She talks all the BS and moves around a lot....but very little gets accomplished is how he explained it to me...

Suggestions, anyone???

 

[Alyonka]

I have worked with ladies like that - evetually everyone around them realizes that they lie. If she gets the work done - I would just ignore her, if she does not - management will notice as well I am sure. Usually people can figure out what is true and what is false one way or another. Liers don't survive on just lies for long. The get dumped and loose their jobs eventually.

 

[Chip]

I know in my previous post I said all Domincans lie with repsect to time but that is somewhat facetious becasue to them agreeing to be somewhere on time really is not a lie - merely a suggestion.

Apparently many have had overwhelming experiences that Dominicans on the whole are liers but I think everybody knows that it is an exaggeration. If you throw out the instances involving "time" I'm sure their overall "grade" wouldn't be to far off the mark from other societies. The reason I say this is that a person who is labled as a "mentiroso" is castigated quite severly here (as much as Dominicans do that anyway).

While Dominican cerrtainly can be crafty in exploiting uncertainties in "agreements" such as the example of my carpenter brother in law "borrowing" my power tool set a mitigating factor is the assumption most domincans have that they can borrow just about anything they want from a family member if the item is available. If they damage it or it is stolen, many times they are not required to make reparation, rather the owner just acccepts it and probably will "borrow" the same thing from somebody else, etc. Therefore, this generosity influences somewhat this "dynamic".

What I find so interesting is how that many Dominicans are materialist in that they desire to have many fine and expensive possessions but them willingly lend them to family and friends knowing that the item may never be returned, odd eh?

 

[Talldrink]

Accountability is non-existant in DR. Not in the barrios, politics, stores... nowhere.

Also, arent Dominicanos known for being good at this: MUELEROS!! Thats why a woman visiting a resort for the first time truly believes the fellas are in love with them, and the men really believe they are THE man!!

 

[Matilda]

".

What I find so interesting is how that many Dominicans are materialist in that they desire to have many fine and expensive possessions but them willingly lend them to family and friends knowing that the item may never be returned, odd eh?

Chip you are so right. And the problem is that now they know that I will be upset if they 'lend' the new object that they have had for Christmas or birthday (MP3 player, cell phone etc) to a 'friend' that is why they lie. This generosity is incredible. Something they really want and within days or weeks they 'lend' it to someone else and never see it again.

Matilda

 

[Janin]

No Importa

....This generosity is incredible. Something they really want and within days or weeks they 'lend' it to someone else and never see it again.

Things they were given do not have a value.
They lose them, lend them, sell them, trade them in.

Children, entonces...

Janin

 

[Rocky]

Things they were given do not have a value.
They lose them, lend them, sell them, trade them in.

Children, entonces...

Janin

No truer words can be spoken.