why do Jews have NO necks?

Escott

Gold
Jan 14, 2002
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Hillbilly

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Jan 1, 2002
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I hope that this is a non-PC joke

anyway, one day the Matchmaker went over to Mr Schwartz's office, seeing as how Schwartz was getting on in years.

the Matchmaker: You should get married. Just say the word and I will find you the perfect bride.

Schwartz answers: I have two sisters at home that take care of my needs.
needs_a_shave.gif


The Matchmaker answers: That may be, but all the sisters in the world can't fulfill the role of a good wife.

Schwartz answers: Look I said I have two sisters! I didn't say that they were mine!!!

HB
 

Hillbilly

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Jan 1, 2002
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And

An elderly Jewish woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a
diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and Rolex."

"But you are not wearing any of those things."

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my
husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want
his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."


HB
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Hillbilly

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Jan 1, 2002
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It's Hump Day + 1 so here's another one

There is a Protestant, a Catholic, and a Mormon, sitting around
chewing the fat.

The Protestant say's "I have four son's one more and I'll have
a basketball team".

The Catholic gets all happy, and say's "OH, yah, I have 10
son's, 1> more and I'll have a Football team.

The Mormon is sitting back laughing, and they ask what is so funny.

The Mormon say's "Guy's, I have 17 wives 1 more and I'll have
a freaking golf course".


HB
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Escott

Gold
Jan 14, 2002
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Hymie and his wife Ethel have this little problem. Actually Hymies wife Ethel is having the problem. They go to Doctor Schwartz and his wife goes into the examining room.

After examining Ethel Dr. Schwartz says to Ethel, "Ethel, you need sex 6 times a week".

Ethel says "Dr. Schwartz, I need it SIX times a WEEK?"

Dr. Schwartz says "Yes Ethel, you need it 6 times a week."

Ethel comes out of the examining room and Hymie says, so, vats the matter?

The wife says, Doctor Schwartz says I need it 6 times a week Hymie.

Hymie says to Ethel, "you NEED IT TIMES A WEEK Ethel?"

Ethel says, "Yes Hymie I need it 6 times a week."

Hymie says to Ethel, "OK, put me down vor 2".
 

Hillbilly

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Jan 1, 2002
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A Classic

Mr Goldstein and his wife go to the Doc's office. Goldstein is very ill.

The Doc takes old Goldstein into the office, and examines him.

He sends Goldstein out and asks the wife to come in.

He tells her: "Your husband is very sick and he will die in six weeks unless you help him."

She asks: "How can I help him Doctor?"

He sez: "You must be sure he has three good kosher meals a day; he must be carefully helped in and out of bed, and finally, he needs a lot of sex, to get his health back. "

She leaves the room and meets her husband.

"What did he say? What did he say?" , asks the husband.

She answers: "He said you're gonna die in six weeks!"


HB