Why is it so hard to say 'Thank You'?

[El Rey de Mangu]

that was my point. my father would have never tought us to say thanks. on the other hand, he used to take away from me what i didn't want to share. for example, when i had candy, and didn't compart it with others, he would get mad, take it away, and give all of it to the other kids. the same with toys. that is something my mother would have never done. as a matter of fact, i remember a lot of parents litterally fighting with other peoples kids over toys, saying "this is my sons/ daughters.... give it back", something that allways used to fluster my dad.
it all comes down to different values and social education, and once you figure that out, i guess you are better off with attributing it to just that than judging people for it. after all, you probably won't be successfull in re-educating an entire society, and who is to judge that yours is the better way to do it?

the reluctance thing was just another thought. in a society with such a great divide between rich and poor, very little upwards mobility, and ages old exploitation of the many by a very few, giving people a hundred peso is a generous tip, and yet still just crumbs of your table. so while you are going to drive off to your airconditioned condo in your yipeta, the other person is still going to have to ride the motoconcho to his or her modest hut on the other side of town. the hundred pesos won't change that, and the guy is still going to get exploited for the rest of his life. this is a society where those that can afford it are used to being served. those who can not afford it, are the ones serving. now, people are not going to thank their maids for cleaning the dishes, while at the same time whatever generous gesture they are showing their servants might probably still leave a bitter taste in the latters mouth. so maybe that is why saying thank you is not stressed in dominican social education. you could also attribute the dame thing to that. if you have servants, you are probably used to ordering them around without much curtesy, and in general, formality over here has a lot to do with social standing and hirarchy. being formal is more about subordination than mere politeness.

Mariot, I am going to shed a tear bro. lol

You have many interesting points in the above response. I agree that the 100 peso tip is not going to help much at all. You hit the nail on the head with that one. I'm trying to help this motoconcho chofer and his daughter these days for that very reason. I have been tossed up about how to help.

Btw, is Yipeta the wife of Gipetto?

 

[whirleybird]

I was going to respond on this thread much earlier but then I had some work to attend to followed by a visitor for a while and, now returning, I find there is a plethora of replies which have flooded in, some most interesting.

I come from England and have really only ever lived there and here but, to be honest, I find the manners here in the DR, are extraordinarily better for the most part than in my alleged 'educated' home country.

I get 'thank you' often, have even been treated to 'sorry' and no-one wishes me a false 'have a nice day!'

 

[Mariot]

Btw, is Yipeta the wife of Gipetto?

haha, i don't know, but i heard she is related to a certain guatchiman who likes to play beisbol.

 

[bob saunders]

I find the DR a society of extremes and even more so with manners. For example if you wish to speak about a problem often you have to go through many formalities before getting down to the root of the problem and even then it is often couched in a way that doesn't place blame....etc. I'm kind of a direct to the point - solve the problem kind of person so I get extremely impatient with this kind of foreplay. As far as thank you...etc. I have been thanked many times by Dominicans for small gifts or deeds. I don't believe it is a cultural thing but a lack of education by parents. Excessive politeness as we tend to do in Canada can sound insincere and often is, but excessive rudeness is worse. I raised my boys to open doors for both sexes, thank waitresses for bringing food....etc. I have over the years received many complements on their behavior. To me proper manners are a sign of a proper upbringing.

 

[Malibook]

I think a lot of people who don't seem polite and having good manners have a chip on their shoulders and they think that life owes them something and so do those who are much better off so no thanks are required.

For me it is all a matter of common courtesy and basic manners and the situation.

An employer might not thank an employee for doing their job just like the employee might not thank the employer for paying them what they earned and what they are owed.

I think this is totally different from situations where somebody freely chooses to do something for you or gives you something by choice.

If somebody holds a door open for me, I will thank them, regardless of whether they may be much richer or poorer than me.
If it happens to be someone much more well off than me, am I supposed to think they somehow owe this to me or this is the least they can do for me so thanks are somehow no longer appropriate?

People give because they want to give, not so they can receive thanks.
However, to not give thanks because you think that life owes you something and the gift is very inexpensive for the giver is simply rude and misguided.

As for people working in the service industry in restaurant and bars etc., thanking patrons for their business and tips is absolutely appropriate and required.
It is a basic fundamental part of the job just like welcoming them when they arrive.
People who can't do this for whatever reason should not be in that line of work.

 

[mountainannie]

hit it on the head

the reluctance thing was just another thought. in a society with such a great divide between rich and poor, very little upwards mobility, and ages old exploitation of the many by a very few, giving people a hundred peso is a generous tip, and yet still just crumbs of your table. so while you are going to drive off to your airconditioned condo in your yipeta, the other person is still going to have to ride the motoconcho to his or her modest hut on the other side of town. the hundred pesos won't change that, and the guy is still going to get exploited for the rest of his life. this is a society where those that can afford it are used to being served. those who can not afford it, are the ones serving. now, people are not going to thank their maids for cleaning the dishes, while at the same time whatever generous gesture they are showing their servants might probably still leave a bitter taste in the latters mouth. so maybe that is why saying thank you is not stressed in dominican social education. you could also attribute the dame thing to that. if you have servants, you are probably used to ordering them around without much curtesy, and in general, formality over here has a lot to do with social standing and hirarchy. being formal is more about subordination than mere politeness.

I think this is probably the one that speaks to the OP posting about the ball boy and the tip.... here is an employee at a country club or something like it ... where the very well to do play.. ditto for the Casinos where people are playing to lose what is for some an annual salary... So clearly, these people will be perceived as the "rich"...

It may well be that a 500 peso tip is expected, and only a 1000 peso tip would merit thanks..

 

[Conchman]

I think this is probably the one that speaks to the OP posting about the ball boy and the tip.... here is an employee at a country club or something like it ... where the very well to do play.. ditto for the Casinos where people are playing to lose what is for some an annual salary... So clearly, these people will be perceived as the "rich"...

It may well be that a 500 peso tip is expected, and only a 1000 peso tip would merit thanks..

I play tennis at the nearby hotel, which is usually full of all inclusive tourists who probably don't tip RD$100 (they probably tip nothing as most people don't expect a ball boy to begin with, and dont carry money to the court) - the ball boy was about 9 years old, so it caught my attention him not saying 'thank you' as I figured he would be happy about the tip.

 

[mountainannie]

yeah

I play tennis at the nearby hotel, which is usually full of all inclusive tourists who probably don't tip RD$100 (they probably tip nothing as most people don't expect a ball boy to begin with, and dont carry money to the court) - the ball boy was about 9 years old, so it caught my attention him not saying 'thank you' as I figured he would be happy about the tip.

well, certainly, a nine year old ball boy at an A1 certainly should say thanks!! Why not give him a fatherly chat?

 

[Malibook]

It may well be that a 500 peso tip is expected, and only a 1000 peso tip would merit thanks..

Anyone who thinks like this could use a hit on the head to knock some sense into them.

Perhaps an exceptionally generous tip would merit an exceptional thank you but average tips merits thanks too.
Even a tip that is less than average merits thanks.
Regardless of one's manners or lack thereof, the simple reality is that this is a basic fundamental part a job in the service industry where tips are involved.
If a wealth gap hinders one from doing a good job, they don't deserve the job.

I am a very generous tipper and giver but the thought that someone who tips less is less worthy of receiving thanks is outrageous to me.

I have had greedy ungrateful idiots tell me I should tip more instead of thanking me.
Not because most people tip 50% or more but simply because they feel that life has been so unfair and it is the least I can do since I have so much and they have so little.
This is a good way for them to receive less tips.
The people who are nice, warm, friendly, and polite regardless of the tip size are the ones who receive exceptionally generous tips and presents from me.

 

[Conchman]

well, certainly, a nine year old ball boy at an A1 certainly should say thanks!! Why not give him a fatherly chat?

The reason I brought this whole subject up, is because I have played like 20 times now on this court, and out of all 3 ball boys, not one has said 'thank you,' and I tip them RD50 or RD100 every time. I just find it strange. You would think one of them would say it once. Its not like I'm a rude player, I don't yell at them or anything, in fact, I go out of my way to make their job easier on the court, as I am not used to have a ball boy.

 

[El Rey de Mangu]

The reason I brought this whole subject up, is because I have played like 20 times now on this court, and out of all 3 ball boys, not one has said 'thank you,' and I tip them RD50 or RD100 every time. I just find it strange. You would think one of them would say it once. Its not like I'm a rude player, I don't yell at them or anything, in fact, I go out of my way to make their job easier on the court, as I am not used to have a ball boy.

Wow, we have seen this go on a bit over 50 pesos. I guess there have been some good observations made, etc. Althogether, "sort-of" interesting.

I am not independently wealthy, but I do "ok" here from an EMPLOYMENT standpoint. I will tell you what I have learned. Everyone in my my life seems to be on my payroll. I simply feel like I have to pay everyone. I dish it out to improve the quality of my life, but never more that I can justify in the P&L. I rarely ever hear back from any of these people, and it simply just pleases me if a few bucks can help someone that really needs it. I NEVER looked at it like "oh those poor Dominicans - they'll be grateful for anything". That's what their arrogant wealthy "white" counterparts think. That always chapped my hide.

I met this 18 year old girl. She has a 4 month old kid. Her dad drives a motoconcho. I don't know what he takes in at the end of the day, but I sat with him in the park yesterday after work and I almost felt like crying (yes, El Rey can shed tears). I have decided to help them with an issue because of this. Not because he "sold" me on it. I have been here to long for that Oprah $hit. My philosophy is "if I have it, thanks to god, and while i have it, i will help those that dont". I don't want to hear thanks. That's not why I do it.

 

[ExtremeR]

Are they shy boys Conchman?? maybe they are shy and thinks you do not speak spanish so they are afraid or ashamed to even talk to you in fear that you'll be bothered by some words they think you won't understand.

 

[Adrian Bye]

I met this 18 year old girl...

..My philosophy is "if I have it, thanks to god, and while i have it, i will help those that dont". I don't want to hear thanks. That's not why I do it.

let me guess.. the 18 year old weighs 400 pounds with a face like a pizza? LOL

 

[El Rey de Mangu]

let me guess.. the 18 year old weighs 400 pounds with a face like a pizza? LOL

I advise very big names, so if you thought you were going to call me out:

Yes, very, very attractive. Instant crush. But it was for the father's situation. Making financial decsions based on attraction or "obession" for a woman is pathological behavior can be found in anthological collections of publications.

No offense Adrian

 

[Adrian Bye]

i don't completely understand; i was just messing with you. you wouldn't be the first or last to come to the dr to do that. it can turn the girl off, so be careful though.

 

[El Rey de Mangu]

i don't completely understand; i was just messing with you. you wouldn't be the first or last to come to the dr to do that. it can turn the girl off, so be careful though.

I was going to perform open heart surgery, but now I'm thinking twice. if I lose her, I may not find another Friday night date!

I know you were joking, but I responded because it sounded like you were correct...

 

[Adrian Bye]

haha ok

 

[El Rey de Mangu]

haha ok

Hey I've done other stuff too!! LOL

 

[Lambada]

Are they shy boys Conchman?? maybe they are shy and thinks you do not speak spanish so they are afraid or ashamed to even talk to you in fear that you'll be bothered by some words they think you won't understand.

Alternatively, the boys might know that Conchman is the jefe of the big business down the road and they might be a little in awe of him.

 

[haleema]

ellos son malcriado!