X-Files from Rob and Wud


Jan 1, 2002
The following are true stories, not even the names have been changes to protect the idiots.

Tech Support Horror Stories

Horror stories about stupid users calling tech support abound. Here
are a few that came in my e-mail from our local computer tech person.

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press
the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task
list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring
up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your
keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your
keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."

Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large

Customer: "But will they be compatible with my

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click .
on the File Manager icon."

Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows-
because of the icons. I'm a Protestant,
and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an
industry term sir. I don't Believe it
was meant to-"

Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe
in icons."

Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of
a filing cabinet... are 'little pictures' OK?"

Customer: [click]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Customer: "My computer crashed!"

Tech Support: "It crashed?"

Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play
my game."

Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-
Alt-Delete to reboot."

Customer: "No, it didn't crash... it crashed!"

Tech Support: "Huh?"

Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed
my spaceship and now it doesn't work."

Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"

Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division
for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors
would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors
are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination
of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the
rainbow printed fine except for yellow.

I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete
and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for
help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of trouble
shooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to
us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a
piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And another user was all confused about why
the cursor always moved in the opposite
direction from the movement of the mouse.
She also complained that the buttons were
difficult to depress. She was very
embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the
mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for
help with a Windows installation that had
gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought
my Windows disks from work to install them
on my home computer." .

Training stresses that we are "not the
Software Police," so I let the little act
of piracy slide.

Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"

Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns
out they weren't initialized."

Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"

Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk.
Would you like to initialize it?'"

Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"

Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be
blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't
read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them.
And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole
office. Did I do something wrong?"

I'll be back!



Well-known member

did I ever get involved in this one HB, I really need tech support for my ole computer it worked fine yesterday for my son to take back to school, did critcal updates from Microsoft, and now it doesnt work, and that pr_ck Bill Gates offers no support, his file must have been corrupt. So now it is reformat and reload all software.
A techie I do not profess to be but I can get them running.


Jan 1, 2002
Because you know so much more than I do!!

And you were the one to teach me how to post pictures!!



On Vacation!
Mar 2, 2002
Thanks for reminding me HB........

I have a question for you 'Wud".......if I have a graphic on my harddrive how do I insert it into the message board ?
I figured out how to put in in am email (duh!) but the board has me beat.......can it be done?


Well-known member
Rob has made things interesting

Kudo's to Rob for his upgrades, cant wait for the chatroom to come online, hope it is voice enabled but that might be asking for too much.
I am also glas to see Rob closing out spam threads. GREAT
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