12) You've been in the DR way to long when…|
"Did you see that "chopo" at the bar last night?" "Damn, why do all the hot
girls go out with chopos?" "That's the most chopo thing you can put on your
car!" Have you ever uttered any of these phrases? Yes? Well, my friend, you've
been in the DR way too long. It's one thing to learn the language and another
thing to understand the slang terms, but when you, a foreigner, have used any of
these expressions, and altered your Spanglish language vernacular to include
such phrases, you know you've been here way too long. Might as well sign up for
your residency card, burn your passport and tell your family you've found a new
home. (Also on this list: papi chulo, palomo, cuero, bregador, lambon, gringo
13) No reason is a good reason
Dominicans don't need a reason to get together and have a good time. And it's
true. No reason is a good enough reason to get together and enjoy each other's
company. Your goldfish died? Let's drink a beer. You have diarrhea? Let's get
together and make fun of you, while we drink a beer. Ever notice how Dominicans
just stop by your house without calling first because they just happened to be
in the neighborhood? Enjoy it, its one of the best qualities Dominicans have.
14) He's not a metrosexual, he's just Dominican
For all you ladies out there who might venture into a relationship with a
Dominican male, be aware that he might need more bathroom time than you.
Interesting to think that recently the term metrosexual has been coined to
describe image conscious, well-groomed men who take care of their appearance,
but the world is now just catching up with Dominican male grooming methods. From
the insane amount of hair gel on the perfectly cropped hair to the right amount
of shoe-polish on the shoes, to the perfectly trimmed eyebrows and the constant
need to look in a mirror, David Beckham has nothing on Dominicans. I'm just
scared of what's next: Brazilian waxes and manicures?
15) Just ask for "La 27"
No matter where you are in Santo Domingo if you ever get lost and have no clue
where you've been, where you are or where you want to go, just remember this
important phrase, "¿Donde queda La 27?" This quick but useful little phrase
translates into "How do I get onto Avenida 27 de Febrero (La 27). La 27 is the
central artery of Santo Domingo - the road that runs through the center of the
capital city. Moreover, La 27 is a key road to which other main streets are
connected and a road that almost all Dominicans in Santo Domingo will know.
16) Camera phones are the anti-Christ
It could be a 20-car pile up on Kennedy or a dead bird on a backstreet sidewalk;
no matter what, Dominicans will stop and make an event out if it. And now with
the invention of camera phones any Dominican with a decent cell phone is
standing in the middle of the street taking pictures of the poor victim. With
the attention some of the most minor incidents get, you'd think the pope mobile
was driving by.
17) Joke of the Day!
What's the difference between Leonel Fernandez and Santa Claus? Some Dominicans
still believe in Santa Claus…zing!
What's the difference between a Dominican politician and a stray dog playing
with a plastic bag? The plastic bag…bam!
And talking about political humor, is it just me, or does former Environmental
Minister Max Puig look like Gollum/Smeagol from "Lord of the Rings?" Talk about
lookalikes, newspapers were reporting that Mr. Bean was visiting the DR and then
it was discovered that it was just PRD Secretary General Orlando Jorge Mera.
Thank you ladies and germs, I'll be here all week!
18) Dominicans talk in pesos and think dollars
It's like Dominicans are born with internal calculators that let them calculate
peso to dollar transactions without missing a beat. Most of us would have
trouble adding 2 + 2 if it weren't for a calculator, but ask a Dominican the
exchange rate for US$1,743.53 and it's like a no-brainer calculation. Now, if we
could get them to understand the concept of stoplights, this could be a first
19) Buy a boat not a car
Thinking of moving down to the DR permanently? Best piece of advice we can give
you is to buy a boat and not a car. Why? Because even at the sight of the first
dark cloud in the sky, the cities in the DR are flooded and you don't want to
know what happens when it actually rains. A few days back it rained for about 15
minutes, I walked outside and saw that my mother disappeared in a puddle. Came
back 15 minutes later and my house had floated away on Av. 27 de Febrero. No
wonder Dominicans are so good at building "yolas" to get to Puerto Rico, they
have a lifetime to practice at home.
20) Street vendors sell everything
Been shopping at DR's most expensive malls and still can't seem to find that
perfect gift? No problem, try shopping on the streets of the DR. Sounds odd, but
street vendors in the DR will sell you anything! And we mean anything! And if
they don't have what you need, give ‘em five minutes and they'll "find" what you
want. Need a puppy dog or a goldfish? Or how ‘bout a bunny? You got kidney
problems and need a new kidney? Just drive around any major city and you'll
probably find some guy peddling it on a corner. True story, the other day my new
hubcaps were stolen. Went out on to the streets and found a kid who could get me
those very same hubcaps, at half the price! Fifteen minutes later the kid comes
back with the hubcaps I needed. Turns out the kid sold me back the hubcaps that
had been stolen from my car. Only in the DR.
21) Only in the DR
Bank scandal that almost ruined the country: A few million dollars. Cost of
lawyers to defend you: A few million more. Knowing that for the right price you
can get away with almost anything: Priceless. There are some countries where
bribes don't work, for everything else come to the Dominican Republic.