Things you should know before coming to the DR
12) When she says she’s 18, ask for a cedula!
Dominican girls are very attractive and it may well be something in the chicken, cause some of them definitely don’t look 16. Recent reports indicate that Barry Bonds and the BALCO drug company have been buying up chicken farms all around the DR and hungry 15 year olds have been eating discount chickens from these farms at an alarming rate. Coincidence? I think not. OK, all jokes aside, some girls in the DR might look older than they really are and no matter how mature they may act save yourselves the hassle and check. Just learn this phrase, "Y tu cedula?" If she stays, well then you’re in luck.
13) Un chin, un chin chin and un poquito are official measurements in the DR
The National Institute for Measurement Regulations states that a "poquito" is an ounce of any given product, a "chin" is half an ounce and "un chin chin" is a fourth of an ounce. These measurements can be done through sign language (thanks to the efforts of the National Association for the Hearing Impaired) by moving the thumb and index finger close together. OK, OK enough with the jokes, but hang around Dominicans long enough and you too will notice that there is a huge difference between the three.
14) Haggle for everything!
Unless you’re at some trendy shopping center you can haggle for anything and everything and remember that anything is for sale, even the kitchen sink! It’s not an insult to Dominicans if you try to get a bargain. That’s just the way it is. Even if you get a 5-peso reduction you’ve saved some money. You can haggle for anything from a car to a sandwich, so go ahead and bargain away.
15) Mamajuana is not a replacement for Viagra
The verdict is still out on this one and Rush Limbaugh was too much in a hurry to test it out and see if it was true. They say mamajuana is a natural aphrodisiac and has Viagra- like effects, and this could be true - but remember that drinking any type of moonshine can make you hot under the collar and make you howl at the moon. And we don’t exactly know if your judgment gets any better under the influence of mamajauana. My guess is No! Oh and by the way, if you're in the DR and are drinking mamajuana you got bigger problems than needing Viagra.
16) Vicks Vapor Rub doesn’t cure everything, no matter what they tell you
So you got sick from eating too much pork and plantains or maybe the mosquitoes are killing you. Maybe, just maybe, you got the Ebola virus, but it’s not a problem big enough for Dominicans that Vicks Vapor Rub can’t cure. Viva Po Roo (as pronounced by Dominicans) will cure just about anything for Dominicans. Unfortunately for you you'll smell like grandma after she played shuffleboard and you'll be feeling much the same.
17) Regardless of what Italians think Speedos are not required attire at the beach
You might want to bring a blindfold and some Pepto-Bismol when going to some of the beaches in the DR. Some of the beaches are frequented by Italian tourists and for some odd reason they feel the need to prance around in Speedos as if it’s a joy to look at. Listen, there are enough hairy-backed, over-aged men with their nether regions already hanging out from places we don’t need to see, so do us all a favor and keep yours hidden.
18) Presidente beer is not a tanning lotion substitute
If you are ever in the DR and see some people bathing themselves in beer they might be doing one of two things. They might be going crazy or using the beer to help them tan better. The verdict is still out on whether it works, but hey, you might just enjoy watching young Dominicans pour beer on themselves. I know I would!
19) Don’t ever, ever, ever shower after you eat!!!!!!!
Whatever you do, don't ever, ever, ever let a Dominican catch you taking a shower after you eat a large meal. Once again there is no logical explanation for this one, but Dominicans think it taboo to shower after you eat, as if you’ll open up the shower head get a cramp and drown while showering. My guess is that somewhere along the line, some unfortunate Dominican got a cramp in the shower after eating too much mangu and thought that the shower water, and not the mangu, was to blame. Or maybe some poor soul confused a pool with a shower and a stomach full of food with cramps. Either way if you do decide to shower after you eat, take a life preserver and a whistle with you and hope to god you don’t drown.
20) "Your face is going to stay that way!"
So you’ve finished working out and are thirsting for a cold glass of water. Maybe you’ve finished frying up some French fries and need to pull the ketchup out of the fridge -regardless of the reason it’s the ultimate taboo in the DR to open up the fridge if you’re hot. The theory is that hot and cold will clash in a war of the elements right in your kitchen and your face will all of a sudden freeze frame and stay the same for the rest of your life. This idiosyncrasy is bad enough by itself, no further commentary necessary
21) Look out South Beach diet, Dominicans have Alcanfor…
So you want to shed a few pounds? You’ve tried every diet you can and nothing works. Well, if you believe Dominicans your answer is just RD$10 away. At any stoplight in the DR you’ll have street vendors selling you these small white cubes. Simply used for aroma and in other cases for spiritual acts some Dominicans feel that if you put one of the cubes in your car it can magically make you lose weight. How ‘bout it, you eat a chimi burger, an empanada and some diet coke and the pounds just come off as you smell some Alcanfor. Western medicine has spent millions on diet studies and Dominicans have solved the problem with RD$10.
Dominican girls are very attractive and it may well be something in the chicken, cause some of them definitely don’t look 16. Recent reports indicate that Barry Bonds and the BALCO drug company have been buying up chicken farms all around the DR and hungry 15 year olds have been eating discount chickens from these farms at an alarming rate. Coincidence? I think not. OK, all jokes aside, some girls in the DR might look older than they really are and no matter how mature they may act save yourselves the hassle and check. Just learn this phrase, "Y tu cedula?" If she stays, well then you’re in luck.
13) Un chin, un chin chin and un poquito are official measurements in the DR
The National Institute for Measurement Regulations states that a "poquito" is an ounce of any given product, a "chin" is half an ounce and "un chin chin" is a fourth of an ounce. These measurements can be done through sign language (thanks to the efforts of the National Association for the Hearing Impaired) by moving the thumb and index finger close together. OK, OK enough with the jokes, but hang around Dominicans long enough and you too will notice that there is a huge difference between the three.
14) Haggle for everything!
Unless you’re at some trendy shopping center you can haggle for anything and everything and remember that anything is for sale, even the kitchen sink! It’s not an insult to Dominicans if you try to get a bargain. That’s just the way it is. Even if you get a 5-peso reduction you’ve saved some money. You can haggle for anything from a car to a sandwich, so go ahead and bargain away.
15) Mamajuana is not a replacement for Viagra
The verdict is still out on this one and Rush Limbaugh was too much in a hurry to test it out and see if it was true. They say mamajuana is a natural aphrodisiac and has Viagra- like effects, and this could be true - but remember that drinking any type of moonshine can make you hot under the collar and make you howl at the moon. And we don’t exactly know if your judgment gets any better under the influence of mamajauana. My guess is No! Oh and by the way, if you're in the DR and are drinking mamajuana you got bigger problems than needing Viagra.
16) Vicks Vapor Rub doesn’t cure everything, no matter what they tell you
So you got sick from eating too much pork and plantains or maybe the mosquitoes are killing you. Maybe, just maybe, you got the Ebola virus, but it’s not a problem big enough for Dominicans that Vicks Vapor Rub can’t cure. Viva Po Roo (as pronounced by Dominicans) will cure just about anything for Dominicans. Unfortunately for you you'll smell like grandma after she played shuffleboard and you'll be feeling much the same.
17) Regardless of what Italians think Speedos are not required attire at the beach
You might want to bring a blindfold and some Pepto-Bismol when going to some of the beaches in the DR. Some of the beaches are frequented by Italian tourists and for some odd reason they feel the need to prance around in Speedos as if it’s a joy to look at. Listen, there are enough hairy-backed, over-aged men with their nether regions already hanging out from places we don’t need to see, so do us all a favor and keep yours hidden.
18) Presidente beer is not a tanning lotion substitute
If you are ever in the DR and see some people bathing themselves in beer they might be doing one of two things. They might be going crazy or using the beer to help them tan better. The verdict is still out on whether it works, but hey, you might just enjoy watching young Dominicans pour beer on themselves. I know I would!
19) Don’t ever, ever, ever shower after you eat!!!!!!!
Whatever you do, don't ever, ever, ever let a Dominican catch you taking a shower after you eat a large meal. Once again there is no logical explanation for this one, but Dominicans think it taboo to shower after you eat, as if you’ll open up the shower head get a cramp and drown while showering. My guess is that somewhere along the line, some unfortunate Dominican got a cramp in the shower after eating too much mangu and thought that the shower water, and not the mangu, was to blame. Or maybe some poor soul confused a pool with a shower and a stomach full of food with cramps. Either way if you do decide to shower after you eat, take a life preserver and a whistle with you and hope to god you don’t drown.
20) "Your face is going to stay that way!"
So you’ve finished working out and are thirsting for a cold glass of water. Maybe you’ve finished frying up some French fries and need to pull the ketchup out of the fridge -regardless of the reason it’s the ultimate taboo in the DR to open up the fridge if you’re hot. The theory is that hot and cold will clash in a war of the elements right in your kitchen and your face will all of a sudden freeze frame and stay the same for the rest of your life. This idiosyncrasy is bad enough by itself, no further commentary necessary
21) Look out South Beach diet, Dominicans have Alcanfor…
So you want to shed a few pounds? You’ve tried every diet you can and nothing works. Well, if you believe Dominicans your answer is just RD$10 away. At any stoplight in the DR you’ll have street vendors selling you these small white cubes. Simply used for aroma and in other cases for spiritual acts some Dominicans feel that if you put one of the cubes in your car it can magically make you lose weight. How ‘bout it, you eat a chimi burger, an empanada and some diet coke and the pounds just come off as you smell some Alcanfor. Western medicine has spent millions on diet studies and Dominicans have solved the problem with RD$10.
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