- Thread starter mountainannie
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Devouring mothers?
Standard procedure for Latin American/Southern European families for girls to go directly from being daughters to wives and boys to go from being sons to husbands without living independently. I think it is changing gradually though, especially with women's increased educational levels.
Don't know if this is what you mean about daughters being subject to mothers' wishes but one of my SILs is has very arty and rebellious tendencies but has never quite fulfilled her potential. She says "para no mortificar a mam?" but I think that's just an excuse for her lack of initiative.
And yes, however much the daughters have achieved the boys are the ones who can do no wrong.
Don't know if this is what you mean about daughters being subject to mothers' wishes but one of my SILs is has very arty and rebellious tendencies but has never quite fulfilled her potential. She says "para no mortificar a mam?" but I think that's just an excuse for her lack of initiative.
And yes, however much the daughters have achieved the boys are the ones who can do no wrong.
yep, noticed that
A good friend who has been engaged at least five years still lives with his folks...he'll be 38 soon....in Venezuela.
Another good friend was practically disowned for living with her boyfriend....she was 28.
A good friend who has been engaged at least five years still lives with his folks...he'll be 38 soon....in Venezuela.
Another good friend was practically disowned for living with her boyfriend....she was 28.
Not only Dominicans - Italians are the same way. The Italians even have a name for those boys - mammoni:
The Florentine - article ? 'Italiani mammoni'
Mammoni Under*Fire | Wandering Italy Blog
Those of us with brothers understand the pecking order all too well.
Dominican and Italian mothers are very similar in too many ways. My oldest Dominican brother-in-law is 64, and he's still the little prince who can do no wrong.
AE
I met people like that in the DR. Ukrainians are kind of like that too. 
aranoid:
For my Mom I am still a little girl who should only think about her Mother and take care of her needs because she was devoted to me all her life. She did the same with her Mother, took care of her.
We also tend to marry early and mostly continue living with our parents and grandparents even while being married. It is a huge problem for couples. A lot of them don't survive the pressure and break up.
aranoid:For my Mom I am still a little girl who should only think about her Mother and take care of her needs because she was devoted to me all her life. She did the same with her Mother, took care of her.
We also tend to marry early and mostly continue living with our parents and grandparents even while being married. It is a huge problem for couples. A lot of them don't survive the pressure and break up.
is this not quite the opposite of what occurs in the US? that you are supposed to sacrifice for your children, then launch them into an independent life? or is that just my own training and the circle of friends I had?
such great confusion moving cultures
I agree, people tend to be so independent in the US. Children move out and only spend time with parents during holidays. My Mom could never understand how my American ex-husband could spend so much time away from his Mom, and she was OK with it. I would not mind being independent, but this just not what parents expect from their children in other cultures.
Annie, forgive me for saying I think you are gauging this by your 'own training and the circle of friends you had'.
Ethnic families in the US cling to their children, try to keep them close to home and close to the family. We don't launch, LOL. To a great extent, many are successful at that. The closeness of Dominican families repeats itself in the US with many American families. When I decided to get an apartment in the city after commuting for years on the LIRR, there was a major breakdown in my family - and I was 24! After I married my husband, we drove out to LI every Sunday for dinner until we moved to South Jersey Many times we stopped in Brooklyn to pick up my grandmother and bring her out there too. To me, it was normal. To my husband, accustomed to Dominican close family ties, it was normal.
AE
Devouring mothers aka Overbearing mothers? Is this what you mean?
I think it the reason for the difference in the US is because it is a HUGE country, with many different metro areas in addition to Work being considered a religion. People go where the money is or the way of life they want to pursue and arent connected to the family as much as they like to claim they are.
That and the fact that some people may not like their family that much or specifically dont want be to under the thumb of someone when they become an adult.
I think it the reason for the difference in the US is because it is a HUGE country, with many different metro areas in addition to Work being considered a religion. People go where the money is or the way of life they want to pursue and arent connected to the family as much as they like to claim they are.
That and the fact that some people may not like their family that much or specifically dont want be to under the thumb of someone when they become an adult.
Actually, that is true. I see a lot of ethnic families in the area where I live staying together in the same house - married children, parents, brothers, sisters, and sometimes even grandparents. I don't think it is that bad if this is something you are used to. I only have my Mom with me for a half of the year, I don't think I could survive with the entire family in the same household.
RacerX wrote:
"People go where the money is"
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True... Education is a blessing and a curse. Education separates families.
"People go where the money is"
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True... Education is a blessing and a curse. Education separates families.
The more people I speak to in DR, once you get all the niceties about family out of the way, many of them would get up and go if only they could afford it.
They would get their own place if they could only afford it on the salary they earn but they dont so they have to pool their resources and bite their tongue.
They would get their own place if they could only afford it on the salary they earn but they dont so they have to pool their resources and bite their tongue.
Yes, I am sure that that is true.. And I may be missing huge segments of the population. And I know that customs differ. I do not see here that kids get out and room with one another as young adults.. perhaps this is because they cannot afford it. I guess that Moms here do not think that at 18 the kids will be gone.. or that there is anything wrong with a 25 to 30 year old who still lives at home. But does it not keep people children for a very long time?
my observations are rather mixed. yes, poorer dominicans tend to live with their parents/families mostly because of the money. unless the family is very religious it is ok for a girl, even a very young one, to go and live with a man (sometimes with a man and his family). not so much among the rich, possibly because they can afford to live on their own or continue to support their children forever.
what strikes me, however is the treatment of small children in this kid loving country where everyone wants to breed. attitude towards the offspring seems to be somewhere between a diamond and a dog. a child is a blessing and it is seen as a major tragedy if someone cannot have kids. but as soon as it is born it is dumped like and old dog and left to be taken care by grandparents, aunts and nannnies, depending on the financial situation.
poor mothers need (or want) to live somewhere else to earn the living, rich mums want uniterrupted life. i know poor girls who have never lived a day with their kids yet claim they love them above all else. and i know rich mothers who have never worked a day in their life and have maids/cooks/cleaner who employ a nanny for each kid anyways so thay they have time to "lunch". and yes, they love their kids above all else.
what strikes me, however is the treatment of small children in this kid loving country where everyone wants to breed. attitude towards the offspring seems to be somewhere between a diamond and a dog. a child is a blessing and it is seen as a major tragedy if someone cannot have kids. but as soon as it is born it is dumped like and old dog and left to be taken care by grandparents, aunts and nannnies, depending on the financial situation.
poor mothers need (or want) to live somewhere else to earn the living, rich mums want uniterrupted life. i know poor girls who have never lived a day with their kids yet claim they love them above all else. and i know rich mothers who have never worked a day in their life and have maids/cooks/cleaner who employ a nanny for each kid anyways so thay they have time to "lunch". and yes, they love their kids above all else.
I got a friend who is a nurse and she was visiting one of her patients in Las Palmas in Santiago and we were looking at some of the vacant houses for rent and they go for 12-14K pesos but she cannot afford more than 5K/month, because she is also paying for the tuition for her kids. She basically wants a place just for her and her twin children, both 17 years old and students at UTESA. Where she lives in Ensanche Libertad is one of the nicer houses on the block(you can envision 1st Worlders living there). But her limited income means her brother has to live there and he stays downstairs and the niece runs a hair salon in the storefront area.
I bought her kids, the twins, a stereo speaker set for their computer because those 6" speakers sucked. I got the 2.1 system which comes with a subwoofer. Point of issue because one Saturday night like 2 weeks ago I m playing music off the computer and we are all in the salon section doing what Dominicans do on a Saturday night(which I reasonably interpret as: absolutely nothing but drinking Presidentes and bullshhhhtn). I swear to you it wasnt even 11:00 and this half-dressed man comes out of the back with light blue boxers and pink flip-flops yelling like Fred Sanford "I gotta get up in the morning, some of us gotta go to work, that music is too damn loud."[<-----Note to myself, the new stereo system & subwoofer has made a distinct impression on the villagers.] And just like that, the party was over. And then everyone there had a depressed look on their face like this guy was the Official Chuck E. Cheese sanctioned Party Pooper.
My point is I dont think these people are THAT family oriented as we are suspect to believe. I also dont think they are as HAPPY and/or CONTENT as many would assume. I think a lot of economic factors and psychological witchcraft are being tossed around to make people think or believe that they should be beholden to something that they couldnt care much about. Similar to what dv8 said about children. There is a lot of romantic idolatry and jingoism with regard to family here and I think much of that plays out with their interaction with foreigners.
but how does this explain all the of the hoards of annoying hijitos de papi y mami from the upper and middle classes who live under their mothers skirts their whole lives anyway? married or not? LOL
and whoever said italian mothers are the same or worse is not kidding. i know. i have to deal w a shockingly stereotypical one LOL she def rivals overbearing latinamerican mommas.
In house laundry service, cooking cleaning and general pampering. As a man, they assume if you dont live with someone(in the US) there is no one there to cook your food. No thought of maybe I can cook my own food, wash my own clothes, mop my own kitchen floor. Apparently one needs a woman to do everything for him in the DR.