Here's my diary from that sailing trip.
We just made it into Charleston, South Carolina. let me tell you a little bit about the trip from hell.
1.) the first two days of travel i vomited up all my small intestines. I lost 10lbs the first four days into the trip. that's not a joke.
2.) after stopping in Turks & Caicos islands and spending 3 days there because there wasn't enough wind to carry on, i realized i was traveling with Captian Dude Lebowski. The "Dude" is very intelligent, cool, generous, lives in Samana, and is known lovingly as "The Dude, his "Dudeness", the "Duder," etc--graduated from MIT. He's unbeatable in Trivial Pursuit! more on that later; he deserves a whole chapter.
3.) After spending $7 for coffees and $12 for small sandwiches in Turks & Caicos, i was broke and ready to move on. we then spent 6 days at sea where, after three days, in the middle of no where, the engine on the boat stopped working completely and started hissing and making a lot of bad, horrible screeching noises. It was possessed, and Grimlins came running out screaming for more fuel!
4.) After the third day at sea we got hit by a storm straight out of the Old Testament that would have made Noah and his Ark proud; i sincerely thought that i was in a really bad dream: the waves came at us at between 6ft to 8ft and threw us around like a cork in a bathtub. i tried to vomit but i had nothing left. that's when my intestines came out; they were hanging out of my mouth and dragging on the ground, and were being stepped on. the waves were relentless and pounded for three days straight. i lost another 5lbs, for a grand total of 15lbs of weight loss. i'm not kidding.
5.) just when things couldn't get worse, the toilets backed up and were unusable; i had to tie myself in with a harness and then try and **** off the back of the boat while the ocean gave me an enema; the two windows above me started leaking around the rubber seals and then started dripping on me throughout the night so that in the mornings i had a half inch of salt caked around my eyes and mouth. i couldn't open my eyes until Tom ran warm water over them and then scraped the sea salt away from them. we used it for cooking fish later. i was dehydrated and my urine turned the color golden brown.
6.) because we had no engine, when we arrived this morning, we had to tack back and and forth for 12 hours in order to get into the river channel that comes up to Charleston, South Carolina. i was ready to jump overboard after eight hours but the captain--His "Dudeness"--kept on insisting that we only needed two more tacks to make it in. Wrong! it took literally 12 hours just to make 12 nautical miles! That's not even a slight exaggeration.
7.) after 6 days at sea, when i stepped off the boat i couldn't walk because the sidewalk was moving, and it kept moving for an additional 8 hours and hasn't stopped moving yet.
NOTE TO SELF: NEVER, EVER, PURCHASE A SAILBOAT!
...unless you want to lose weight!!