I've received a lot of not so promising advice about my relationship with my Dominican BF. I am Anerican by the way. Don't get me wrong. After all I am on the forum to get advice and I appreciate the feedback. Whether it be positive or negative( and when I say negative I don't mean disrespectful at all. Everyone's Feedback has been helpful and nice)Yes there is a language barrier. I speak conversational spanish and he speaks some English. We have been together for a year and had a few misunderstandings but we always work it out. I simply ask him if I don't understand what he means before flipping out. Just because we are not from the same country does not mean we shouldn't be together and just forget our whole relationship. This to me is kind of a racist ideal. So I should just " stick with my own kind?"My BF and I share a passion for animals. This is how we met. I'm an animal trainer and he is a Vet tech student. I have known American guys who I can't understand a word they are saying. And we both were speaking English lol! And I don't mean that to be offensive to American guys either. All I am saying every relationship is different. What works for sone may not work for others. We are both very happy and seem to communicate just fine. Sometimes you just "get " someone no matter what language or culture you both may have different.
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Ok it is not meant as some racist thing when people warn gringos about some Dominicans or that you should stick with your own kind.
Many women and men get taken advantage of here thinking they found the perfect Dominican mate then they don't realize they are just being played for money and/ or a visa.
Good if your relationship is working out, some do of course!
Many women and men get taken advantage of here thinking they found the perfect Dominican mate then they don't realize they are just being played for money and/ or a visa.
Good if your relationship is working out, some do of course!
Ok now can ask the right questions since you are in the right forum. No disrespect intented just want to get some things straight before people start assuming stuff.
Where did you meet him?
Did you have any part in getting him to the US?
How did he get to the US?
Is he able to live and support himself without a g/f ?
Where did you meet him?
Did you have any part in getting him to the US?
How did he get to the US?
Is he able to live and support himself without a g/f ?
Cotui is far from being a small town.... my spouse has family members (distant) from near Cotui. Every relationship is different but I would think the challenge you spoke of (other thread you started) about the language/communication barrier definitely will "hamper" the relationship. Communication in my opinion is essential in a relationship. Also getting to know his culture may help you. How much do you know about him and his life in the Dominican Republic/Cotui?
I agree with this to a point. I think Dominican female partners fit better into the "fantasy-type" mold of an attentive, sexually available partner that some more traditional Western men prefer. I would add that there is definitely a financial component here insofar as the gringo male is paying the way of the woman in the relationship. Always? Pretty much. Not too many financially independent women in this country.
As a woman, and having seen a lot of these relationships up close, I also think a lot of these gringo guys are deluding themselves. They are a walking bank card, and even if they cannot see the calculating way that they are being played, I have definitely seen it many times.
The Dominican male/gringa relationship is more difficult, I think. Many (not all) Dominican men are Neanderthals in terms of relationship equality, sincerity and faithfulness. They like to feel that they wear the pants and their cultural upbringing gives them a lot of latitude in terms of bad behaviour.
Also, both Dominican men and women are living in a culture of easy sex and rampant infidelity.
Yes, your nubile big-bottomed gal notices when Joseito strips off his shirt to fix the washer. Yes, she takes note when he licks his lips at her behind your back. No, it is not unimaginable that when you are back home getting your residency documents together, she and Joseito are at the cabana (paid for by YOU), having some good, old-fashioned fun!!!!
He understands her situation; no big deal.
Same goes for the ladies, of course. Even the most attractive gringa can have a hard time keeping the attention of her Dominican stud with all the good-looking Dominican trim walking around out there. And once they see he is with YOU, boy oh boy, the offers are plenty as this studly Dominican probably has some access to money as well as a six-pack.
Sure, there are exceptions, love can be found anywhere, but most of these relationships are characterized by great inequalities. The Westerner has money, the Dominican is operating on his or her home turf with all the intrigue, back-door deals, "commissions", and cultural understanding that the gringo lacks.
Please answer Alter Ego's questions. That is important.
You said Vet Tech?? I am not familiar with that field (Yes, I understand sort of what it means, but there are no Vet Tech courses of study that I know of in the DR.. That DOES NOT MEAN that they do not exist. However, knowing quiet a few Vets who are graduated from Universities, this is not something with much of a future unless you manage to graduate.
It is possible to make a living in the US as an animal trainer. In the states people LOVE animals. Perhaps too much. However, in the DR. animals are for food, work or betting.What are called "mascotas" are often just there for the decorative value.
Where did you all meet? In the DR? In the US?
The fact that this fellow has satisfied at least partially one of the HB Rules is a positive. Let's build on that for the time being.
HB ..not so curmudgeonly
PS. The best animal trainers in the DR are the men that train the fighting cocks. They work hard at getting their birds ready to fight.
You said Vet Tech?? I am not familiar with that field (Yes, I understand sort of what it means, but there are no Vet Tech courses of study that I know of in the DR.. That DOES NOT MEAN that they do not exist. However, knowing quiet a few Vets who are graduated from Universities, this is not something with much of a future unless you manage to graduate.
It is possible to make a living in the US as an animal trainer. In the states people LOVE animals. Perhaps too much. However, in the DR. animals are for food, work or betting.What are called "mascotas" are often just there for the decorative value.
Where did you all meet? In the DR? In the US?
The fact that this fellow has satisfied at least partially one of the HB Rules is a positive. Let's build on that for the time being.
HB ..not so curmudgeonly
PS. The best animal trainers in the DR are the men that train the fighting cocks. They work hard at getting their birds ready to fight.
Please do not think that just 'cause a guy is Dominican you have to give him a free pass for not doing a thing around the house. A Dominican man will cook, clean and help out if you expect him to do so.
Many Dominican women still see chores and cooking as solely the woman's responsibility and take them up completely, even if they work just like the guy, but this is due to a machista upbringing. I've seen guys who don't move a finger around the house and don't help their wives, then after a split and marrying a foreign woman, they turn into freaking Tony Danza!
Many Dominican women still see chores and cooking as solely the woman's responsibility and take them up completely, even if they work just like the guy, but this is due to a machista upbringing. I've seen guys who don't move a finger around the house and don't help their wives, then after a split and marrying a foreign woman, they turn into freaking Tony Danza!
Nooooo my fren?? women who are "trashy" just don't take pains to hide it as much as "good girls" here?.. remember, this is about appearances and not morals?. culturally speaking?.
trashy is hot my fren...and of course gringos and gringas dont understand island sex at all....so they are tourists and the ones who live here (f) sometimes get hot themselves and to attract they turn on the trashy,,,:bunny:
Good Catch,
What would be the Mathematical Odds...
1)-Not a Sankie
And
2)-Loves Animals (the way Americans love animals, almost more than people sometimes)....
Like you said, the closest Dominicans come to loving animals are the guys who raise Cocks for Cock fighting.. they are very proud of those Birds.. I know one such man and he is cool and all...
but calling him an Animal Lover is not what comes to mind. It would be like saying Michael Vick would make a good PETA spokesperson.
Even Doctors in DR Hospitals will let you die if you dont have the Money to pay them, or your insurance Runs out..
Try it sometime and watch what happens..
So,
Finding a Vet in the DR who truly "Loves animals", in the sense of how we do in the states..
What a re the mathematical ODDS of that ?
some of you all can buy this story if y'all want to, but Vegas money says these Odds are in the millions.
Really?!?!?!? I am not saying there are NO faithful Dominican women… but… what I have seen here is that regular sex is considered by both men and women to be almost necessary, people tend to ALWAYS have to have a novio/novia, and that the appearance of fidelity is much more important than actual fidelity.
I think that Western men just get told that "decent" Dominican women are faithful so they can further delude themselves into thinking that they have a "good" and "faithful" novia.
I too know many Dominican women and the way they talk about men, their multiple relationships, and how they keep from being discovered has been eye-opening to say the least.
Not that all Western women are faithful, obviously, but for me and the people I associate with back home, this kind of behaviour is not the norm at all.
It is important not to generalize. But I strongly disagree with you that unfaithfulness is not part of the culture for women for all but the worst. Strongly disagree. Lots of ladies here having their cake and eating it too.
You should just enjoy yourself down here and spend as mush time as possible with the people who make you happy.
Life down here can be short sometimes.
Wow. I guess we are living two very different experiences. I have found that among other women, Dominican women talk very openly about sex and relationships. Also, please note that I have no horse in this race at present as I am not involved with a Dominican man. These are just my observations, as a woman, talking to Dominican women.
I think Anna essentially took the OP out of the ballgame with a few simple questions.
Ahhhh yes…. the "Santiago effect". I almost forgot.
Well, I'm out (gotta get back to those "bashful" Dominicans) but I refer you to Guns n' Roses epic album "Choose Your Illusion" for further contemplation.
some folks posted today , in other topics, that Dominicans are not very creative, and are not very much into experimentation and exploration, but prefer to fit a certain mold, and be like every other Dominican, in the way they dress, and generally behave. i tend to go along with that belief, insofar as it is what i have observed. that having been said, my friends and i have come to the conclusion that Dominicans will never have the same types of relationships with the everyday gringo that they will have with other Dominicans. i am speaking strictly from person experience and observation here, so your mileage may vary. i traverse the POP malecon at various hours of day, and you will see a Dominican guy with a Dominican girl, hugging and relaxing on the wall, in an obviously romantic setting. you can detect genuine affection. there are no material trappings involved. i am yet to see a gringo with a Dominicana in the exact same setting. whenever i see that combination, it is a situation in which she is either eating something, or drinking something, obviously at gringos expense. i have never seen that obvious affection i see with the Dominicana and Dominicano combo. Dominicans love their own, and i do not see too many who will actually get into a really loving situation with a foreigner. there are gringas who come down here and fall desperately in love with locals. i do not think the locals fall in love with them. it is a means to an end. when Antony Santos is coming to a rancho tipico near you, Fausto and Blkis will cheerfully scrape their last two pesos together to go as a couple, and enjoy the evening as a happy couple. if gringo wants to go with her, it is going to cost him, one way or another.
i am sure it happens. i have heard there are black swans, too. i just have never seen it.
Totally agree. To a certain extent, it is seen as a "betrayal" of their own peeps; remember that Dominicans are quite clannish. Also, though, sometimes even when there is genuine affection towards the foreigner, they exaggerate the financial component to "show" other Dominicans that they are just in it for the money. Same for having a Dominican lover on the side; have to show their loyalty towards their own.
All kinds of dysfunctional bullsh$% going on.
Not across the board of course, but to a certain extent being with a foreigner (among the lower classes) is viewed as selling out, and among the higher classes, is viewed as vulgar and d?class?.
Some may argue but I have seen it and heard it with my very own eyes and ears. Dominicans on the whole don't have too many good things to say about foreigners. :bunny:
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