Hello, I have become involved with a Dominican man who admittedly "used to be" a sankie. I have been cautious from the beginning of the relationship in light of his past, but he convinced me over time he was sincerely in love and wanted a future and family with me. I can't get rid of my suspicions however. I have been taken advantage of in the past, so I may be overly paranoid, but things just aren't adding up. Here are some facts - I am younger than him, have less money than him (although I'm very educated and professionally successful), he is already a citizen here in the US, and when we met he was paying all his bills and seemingly leading a respectable adult life. His son lives with him here full-time while the mother is in DR. Both him and his son have moved in with me recently, and although we discussed finances in-depth and agreed to split bills, now that he has moved in, he seems hesitant to pay his share. He has hinted that he is broke, he's a single father, blah blah blah. He also has become less affectionate since the move and thinks it is ok to go out every weekend while I take care of his son and clean. Is this more a cultural difference or are these signs of a con game? Is it possible for a sanky panky to change his ways or once a sanky, always a sanky?
- Thread starter argon
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Is this sankie behavior?
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Well, the fact that he's not with you for a visa is good. It may be cultural, those are hard to break [some say they can't be broken]. I know Dominicans who are exactly as you describe who are pushing 70. Others are normal 'family men', but they're in the minority.
A few questions.
You say he 'used to be' a sanky - did he marry an American to come to the US? Status of that relationship?
Is he married to the boy's mother, and is he supporting her in DR?
What does he do for a living?
How old is the boy?
A few questions.
You say he 'used to be' a sanky - did he marry an American to come to the US? Status of that relationship?
Is he married to the boy's mother, and is he supporting her in DR?
What does he do for a living?
How old is the boy?
he did not choose to be a sanky, like you chose to get an education. he is a sanky by nature. he is not going to change. the configuration of his behaviors might pass through some sort of a metamorphosis, but he will always come back to home base. he is a sanky. not was a sanky.
AlterEgo, thank you for your responses. He did not marry an American as far as I know. He has been in the US off and on since he was little - his dad is Puerto Rican so I assume that is how he is legal here. He has told me is divorced from the boy's mother and is not supporting her as far as I know. He is a team leader at a warehouse during the day (I have been there so I know he does work) and does personal training in the evenings. The boy is 10 and has been here for 5 years.
Argon,
Good morning! Here is my morning quote for you, "En pleitos de marido y mujer, que NADIE SE ****!" Let me translate that for you, "No one should get involved in a married couples issues." But, I will make an exception for you. You and I know that he is taking advantage of you. If it looks like a duck....quacks like a duck.... your intuition is NOT wrong. Now, if you want to ignore the the OBVIOUS signs...."TE PUE CUIDA". My ex best friend was in a similar situation and let's just say she is still paying loans because of him.
Good morning! Here is my morning quote for you, "En pleitos de marido y mujer, que NADIE SE ****!" Let me translate that for you, "No one should get involved in a married couples issues." But, I will make an exception for you. You and I know that he is taking advantage of you. If it looks like a duck....quacks like a duck.... your intuition is NOT wrong. Now, if you want to ignore the the OBVIOUS signs...."TE PUE CUIDA". My ex best friend was in a similar situation and let's just say she is still paying loans because of him.
there are just too many AS FAR AS I KNOWs in your posting. that tells me there is no honesty in your situation, and it causes you to be equivocal.
Definitely Different Dominican.
http://dr1.com/forums/showthread.php/61015-Are-you-dating-a-DDD-(Definitely-Different-Dominican)
http://dr1.com/forums/showthread.php/61015-Are-you-dating-a-DDD-(Definitely-Different-Dominican)
I am giving out spellcheckers for Christmas.... cause Damnnn.
and yes, I think he is just being a Typical Dominican.. not a Sankie.
you are being used to take care of his kid while he goes out to have a good time. when the kid is grown up enough to take care of himself, he will probably dump you for a newer model, unless you are cool with him having others on the side.
and yes, I think he is just being a Typical Dominican.. not a Sankie.
you are being used to take care of his kid while he goes out to have a good time. when the kid is grown up enough to take care of himself, he will probably dump you for a newer model, unless you are cool with him having others on the side.
Regardless of his background or culture, he is an individual and needs to be held accountable. This Friday when he begins to get ready to go out, prepare yourself, call a babysitter and head out with him. If he objects, the relationship is over. My wife and I socialize together and enjoy it. I have many guy friends and we may go to a game or golf together, but that is the exception, not the rule. Also, starting immediately, only pay your share of expenses. He will cover himself and child. Smile and keep it simple. You deserve to be respected.
Congratulations on your "great catch"....
Admitted ex sankie with child and baby's mother (wife?) who refuses to pay share of bills and "allows" you to babysit his child while he goes out and parties.....Are you sure you are not living in the Dominican Republic?
If you can not see this for what it is, my condolences......
Admitted ex sankie with child and baby's mother (wife?) who refuses to pay share of bills and "allows" you to babysit his child while he goes out and parties.....Are you sure you are not living in the Dominican Republic?
If you can not see this for what it is, my condolences......
If you are prepared to play the part of a doormat, don't be surprised when people walk all over you. The deal was he pays his share. At a convenient time, express your concern and clearly state that you expect XXX number of dollars on or before this DATE or he will have to move out.
Love does not pay the bills and if you allow one half of the relationship to shirk their responsibilities, where will it stop? Or more importantly, which commitment is next to be cast aside? A familial relationship is a partnership - it takes two and a commitment. Something is missing here.
Love does not pay the bills and if you allow one half of the relationship to shirk their responsibilities, where will it stop? Or more importantly, which commitment is next to be cast aside? A familial relationship is a partnership - it takes two and a commitment. Something is missing here.
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