Players... getting into their minds

Lee-Lee,

Good question.

M

jugadores?

Lee Lee...
I just wrote a post called "Polygamy, Cheating, and the Dominican Man" in this same forum - it's about one of my ideas regarding why Dominican men may be "players"...be warned though, it's really, really lengthy (but worth the read, I think). As for why people are players in general...that's a huge question. There are tons of reasons for and degrees of being a player. Coming from a psychology backround though, I can say that some of the extremely hard core players, users, and charismatic liers (the ones who have no understanding or empathy for others' feelings and thus no remorse over hurting or manipulating people) may have a psychological condition called "antisocial personality disorder." If you think your Benji guy may fit this pattern...or at least some of the tendencies that go along with it, it might be somewhat healing for you to do a little bit of research into the disorder. Being burned is awful, and it might help to get a better understanding of where he may have been coming from. Just a thought...

~Leja

Lee-Lee said:

[what is the point of playing a person? what are the thoughts running through a person's head when he/she is a cheater.

just wondering [/B]

Click to expand...

I think it all depends on what the "playa" wants. If the person
just wants sex as soon and easy as possible he might want
to compartmentalize his life into different sections.
A) A marriage or LTR, B) "amante" C) Booty call
To the player the important thing is to have "it"
as easily as possible. Some people just may not feel
guilt cheating, or they bury it.

Also from Lee-Lee:
"if sex is just sex... and if it can be fun and recreational as an extra-curricular activity...

why do players resort to multiple partners and hurt others in the procesS?"

The problem that I see with sex as a recreational and fun
activity is that if you have A, (see abc's above) the sex
may only be C to the cheater. An amusement that
passes the time but does not threaten A.
I think that B comes when a man gets blown
away by the new relationship and can't make up his mind
on whether to stay with the person in A, continue both A
and B, or to leave A for B. I once worked with a true player
and he gave me a few glimpses into his relationships. It
sounded much like he was committed to his wife, but he
was definately going to continue his cheating ways. In
some cases he said he carried on LTRs with his lovers.
He worked on mostly stable women with no, or mostly
grown, children. He would spend time with them but
they both knew that no strings were attached.
In other cases he said he lied. He would turn on
the charm, get laid, and then later reveal the truth that
he was married. Another type is the single guy who is
just looking to try as many "flavors of the month" as
possible. He just feels that he needs the sex, since he
has no regular partner and may or may not be ready
for a "real relationship". To him he is not a player but
just another horny guy.
Players don't worry about anyone but themselves
first and foremost. To them another person feelings
are not as important as getting what they want.

Part I

My thoughts on players and people who get played is that *most often* people who get played are not so *played* but rather blissfully ignorant. They are lacking something, or have some need unfulfilled, and are willing to put up with certain indignities in order to keep whatever it is about the relationship that they cherish.

Maybe a teeny weeny small percentage are the hopelessly romantically kind who really and *truly* fall for all the lame excuses and constant BS, but I think even THEY are slightly suspicious.

I have seen many women actively PURSUE relationships with so-called "players", sometimes ending up with players who have the added bonus of being physically abusive.

My feeling is that the player is a degenerate who lacks basic respect for human relationships.

What a player might say in answer to your question:

"You know, I just like other women! It takes nothing away from what I feel for my girlfriend/wife - I just can't help myself! So what?"

Right?

Lee-Lee said:

what are the thoughts running through a person's head when he/she is a cheater.

Click to expand...

I know that some rationalize their cheating.
Tipico "I'm not getting what I want at home"
Science "I never did an Indian chick"
Altruistic "She really needs it and I'm going to give it to her,
I'm actually doing her a favor"

if anyone here has ever played a person... you are the one i'd love to hear from.

Click to expand...

I play boys because I can......don't hate the player...hate the game

players are instinct driven people

with no regard for conventional rules of engagement.

So therefore all the above is just brainy after thought.

Players at work is like watching courtship in the animal kingdom.

hahaha X.

There is a man from Sosua I know who owns a condo and a motorcycle. He always has endless money to spend on booze and drugs and he supports his whole family. Yet he has never worked a day in his life. I am told some of his money came from playing baseball (called up to the minors under the Texas Rangers, sent back), but I am positive the majority of his money comes from his "girlfriends", women from all over the world who send him money. Many of these girlfriends have tried to get a visa for him, (I think he's been married a couple of times) which I am sure is a big joke to him, because he knows he will never get approved. (But he will take any money that he "needs" to go through the process...he probably gets a "new passport" every six months) He has a drug offense list so long, he can't even buy his way into a clean record.
What I just don't get is
(1) How can these women meet a man, know him for a week, fall crazily in love, and then send him money every month. (Can you not smell a rat the first time he asks???)
(2) How this man can accept this money from total strangers (women, none-the-less) without guilt.

trina said:

How can these women meet a man, know him for a week, fall crazily in love, and then send him money every month. (Can you not smell a rat the first time he asks??

Click to expand...

There are a number of threads in the archives with evidence that there women who who are unwilling or unable to "smell a rat."

trina

I have the answer for you: It's the SMELL!!

scientific research has shown that physical attraction gets triggered thru the nose.

And thats why low level casanovas use cologne (which by the way only attracts
cheap sluts)

Whereas the real Casanova used to pull a handkerchief thru his arm pits
and tugged it in his front shirt pocket.

This is no joke X.

trina said:

(1) How can these women meet a man, know him for a week, fall crazily in love, and then send him money every month. (Can you not smell a rat the first time he asks???)

Click to expand...

I don't know...probably insecurity? Needing to feel needed/wanted? Hopeful (cough, cough, "naive") thinking?

But the guys who actually ask for money or visas or whatever are only a small percentage of the players out there. They're either not very intelligent and so ask for things straight out rather than being deceptive and manipulative, or they're so intelligent that they can identify those women who are most easily conned - and then go for them.

The other players...the ones I see as the more dangerous ones...know how to play the game. They don't ask for things like money, and they might not even want money. These guys are intelligent, cunning, and manipulative, and they are often unusually charasmatic and emotionally perceptive. They are excellent, excellent actors. They are often very concerned about how others see them and so seek to gain status (which could be tied to money, but not necessarily) through the women they sleep with/date/marry (aka use). And sometimes just the game in itself is their ultimate goal..."if I can manipulate all these other people, I must be important" or " if I can get all these women to sleep with me, I must be special."

As for how the men can escape feeling guilt? For some, those who are out for money not a game, economic need could be an answer. For the guys who are playing games...well, they probably don't feel emotions - empathy, guilt, remorse - in the same way other people do. Lots of things can cause this - poverty, abuse, and neglect are some - and it is both sad and dangerous.

~Leja

Have you seen the girls these guys go out with?

Most look like they came in second at the State Fair "Hoggs & Heffers" contest! They don't get a second look in their Native Land!My apologies to the few really great looking women liberated enough to come to the DR just because they want some great sex with good looking men who know how to "Hammer-It-Home"!But the rest are just "Loosers" in need of some "TLC", who fall in love with the first guy they ever met who actually paid some attention to them.I feel sad for these girls when I see them at the Discos of the AI's dancing with their new love with stars in their eyes.I know the pain they will soon be going thru.CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Cris hits the nail on the head again!!!

Too true Cris....seen in DR, Jamaica, St.Lucia......wherever there are studs ready and waiting! But they are so skilled they try and take it abroad as well.

A long time DR 'friend' of mine (no money out of my hands to him ever!!let me make that one perfectly clear) made his way to live in Toronto and latest I hear is that he has opened a store on a very pricey stretch of real eastate. Last I saw of him he didn't have a pot to **** in or the window to throw it out of.....and he had rejected my suggestion of signing a contract with me to promote his art work.

Then it dawned......he had mentioned some broad from TO that had 'lent' him $ before and was calling him at all hours for him to pay it back...guess he had stopped the weekly maintenance plan!! So, she is now his 'cash cow"!!

Amazing what a big black unit and some smooth talk will get you!PLayas take note!

"Hammer-It-Home"!

I can see it all now......... the new National anthem for the Dominican Republic "Hammer-It-Home"! It will be the required theme song by animation teams at all the resorts on the island. I like this idea better than renaming the streets. "Hammer-It-Home"! AYE PAPI

Most "White" men sufer from "Penis Envy"!

Its not that we don't have one(Ken?) its just that we all wish our was bigger!I bet "Jonny Holmes" thought his was too small!So when a White guy (We think all Black guys have huge ones,and know how to use them!) sees a "Big Dark Dominican Stud" with a girl at an "AI" we get scared.We think that all "White" girls really want a "Black" guy,cause he surely has a "BIG ONE",and will screw our wife and daughters too if he can.(WE KNOW THEY WANT TO!)So guys like "AZB","golo",and lots of others on DR1 always speak poorly of dark skinned men in general,and "Sankis" in particular! I have no problem with any woman from anywhere in the world,of any race,creed,or color coming to the DR and having sex with as many Dominican "HOME RUN HITTERS" as she wants to!"You Go Girls!"If I can do it,with dominican women,and all the other old "WASPS" like me here can do it,so can you!I support equal sexual rights for all people.You young,and some old too,innocent,inexperienced ladies who come here,screw your brains out! But save just enough of those brains to realize that the relationship is a "business" relationship,not a "romantic" relationship.It is "Play-For-Pay".It can be really fantastic,warm,"loving"and the best sex you ever dreamed about,but keep your feet on the ground!"Think like a man,turn off your brain,enjoy the person you are with,enjoy the sex,then put your pants on and go home! PS,lots of men do lots of stupid things when under the "spell" of a sexy dominican "SankA" too! I,"Been There,Done That"all over the world more times than I care to own up to.I finally learned the "difference" between LOVE,and SEX at about 48 years of age(7 years ago)when my wife taught me.(She also taught me that, altho important,with-in reason of course,size is not the ONLY thing,"ITs the motion,not just the MEAT?!"and she a lovely BLACK Dominican woman! "GO FIGURE!!!"))The learning process sure was a lot of fun,I can assure you that!When you learn the difference,you will save lots of money.You will only pay for the SEX part,and you will get the Romance for free! CRISCCCCCccccccccCCCCCCCCCccccccccccc"It's "HAMMER TIME"!....."Hammer,Hammer,I come from Alabamer,come with me and I'll nail you till you stammer",Whut up?...ME!