Subject: SENIOR MOMENTS
1. Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one
morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and
she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your
left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out &
stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
2.. When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death
notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No
sooner were the papers delivered when a good friend of the
family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well
that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea. Replied the widow,
"I nursed him night and day so of course I know he
died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for
posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the
big shit he always was."
3. An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,
when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They
searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent
the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify
him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the
boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife
dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck
and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl
worth $50,000. . . please advise"
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
4. A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just
passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are
carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a
wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open
the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She
lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are
again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket
towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that wall!"
5. When I went to lunch today, I noticed an older lady sitting
on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her
what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at
home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground
coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite
brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and
my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
6. Two elderly ladies had been friends for decades. Over the
years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few
times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards
when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at
me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I
just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?
THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I
do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe
10 ... oh well, send it to a bunch of your friends if you
can remember who they are. Then something is supposed
to happen. . . I think. (Maybe you get your memory back)
1. Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one
morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and
she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your
left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out &
stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
2.. When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death
notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No
sooner were the papers delivered when a good friend of the
family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well
that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea. Replied the widow,
"I nursed him night and day so of course I know he
died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for
posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the
big shit he always was."
3. An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,
when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They
searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent
the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify
him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the
boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife
dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck
and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl
worth $50,000. . . please advise"
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
4. A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just
passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are
carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a
wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open
the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She
lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are
again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket
towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that wall!"
5. When I went to lunch today, I noticed an older lady sitting
on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her
what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at
home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground
coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite
brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and
my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
6. Two elderly ladies had been friends for decades. Over the
years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few
times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards
when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at
me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I
just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?
THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I
do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe
10 ... oh well, send it to a bunch of your friends if you
can remember who they are. Then something is supposed
to happen. . . I think. (Maybe you get your memory back)