"Can we still be friends?"

why would you want to be her friend ?? you said we're a simple lot..the only reason that i would even entertain the thought of being "friends" with one of my ex's...would be the thought that maybe we could fool around once in a while. and that thought would not even enter my head unless i felt she was that good in the crib. you're better off leaving it alone..that friend stuff usually don't work out..a few trips to the sack and your back to square one..and you wind up hating each other.

Scandall said:

We men are a simple lot. What you see is what you get. Unfortunately, women are not...especially Dominicanas.

I recently broke off a relationship and have 2 questions for anyone who wishes to opine. 1) Is it possible to remain friends? and 2) What's up with the absolute absence of logic with which most women argue?


Scandall

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Ok well from a Canadian women's perspective....(not a Dominicana..so I can't comment on that side.)

1) There is no problem remaining friends. But a cooling off period is required for the person who was dumped. I am friends with all my exes who were not totally evil.

2) I find some ppl in general have no logic when they aregue, and bring up totaly irrevelant, and unrealated things. Not just women in general :cross-eye And I of course am ALWAYS logical!!!!

Are you ok, Mon petit Fromage?

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

PeachezNcream84 said:

1) There is no problem remaining friends. But a cooling off period is required..

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Absolutely true!.

Yet again, it depends on how matured the involved parties are or how painful the breakup was. Depending on how painful it was, in many cases, no cooling period will make it better. If there was alot of pain, sometimes it makes it much worse to be friends with that person.

I hear you brother! The gift that keeps on giving

This is what happens when your exotic, they just cannot let you go.

Would you like me to have a chat with her, you know I "got skills"

Hehehehe...

Scandall said:

We men are a simple lot. What you see is what you get. Unfortunately, women are not...especially Dominicanas.

I recently broke off a relationship and have 2 questions for anyone who wishes to opine. 1) Is it possible to remain friends? and 2) What's up with the absolute absence of logic with which most women argue?

I'll go first.

1) Yes but not right away. My X has been complaining that I "never call her and we don't do anything together anymore". Well...in my book the woman that I call and do things with would be my girlfriend. I am a firm believer in a "cooling off" period before you can go parading around as "friends". Afterall, there's a reason I broke it off in the first place.

2) This baffles me. And in this particular instance my X is not some chopa off the street. She is a University educated lawyer (not that being a lawyer is a big deal in the DR but hey...just trying to give you some background). Even still you could be "arguing" or discussing one topic and they will run off at the mouth about something completely unrelated. This causes us men to scratch our craniums and think to ourselves "Why bother? where's the remote?".

Am I alone on these two issues? Just wondering.

Ok....release the hounds!!!!!!!!!

Scandall

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The women get thier argument skills from the men...

hang out in a dominican bodega anywhere in NYC. When a discussion breaks out it usually turns into an argument. They yell at the tops of their lungs as a way of trying to intimidate the other person into backing down-the pitbull mentality of how to reason your way out of a discussion.

You could be inches away from the person and they don't care-they yell in the ears of people just trying to get to the counter with their Snapples in hand as if noone elas were around. This physical disregard for another persons' space is intimidating to some, and it is very common with dominican macho types, and is used as a tactic to get the other person to back down.

In the course of the argument they will bring up things totally unrelated to the topic as a way of either confusing the opposition or as an opportunity to vent previously unresolved grievances.

The women pick up on this, and believe me wherever you go if you see a bunch of dominicans hanging out discussing ANY issue it usually turns into a loud screaming match, and the end result of having the other person back down justifies the stream-of-consciousness rambling that you allude to when arguing with your ex-girlfriend.

PeachezNcream84 said:

Ok well from a Canadian women's perspective....(not a Dominicana..so I can't comment on that side.)

1) There is no problem remaining friends. But a cooling off period is required for the person who was dumped. I am friends with all my exes who were not totally evil.

2) I find some ppl in general have no logic when they aregue, and bring up totaly irrevelant, and unrealated things. Not just women in general :cross-eye And I of course am ALWAYS logical!!!!

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I thought you were only 20 years old? I'm probably wrong, but if at 20 how can someone go through so many relationships. Mind you, I'm an old man, and dating started late in my time. Going to a school dance, was a big thing back then.

My two cents....

Okay here you go:

1. Most women cannot remain friends with an ex. AND Dominican women can NEVER stay friends.( I really shouldn't use that never word, someone will dispute it) Something about the jealousy of the new guy. Seems they don't stay alone for long...... I agree with Miguel the more "mature" women are more likely to be able to handle being friends. But I also think it depends on the type of break up. Was it mutual? Did one get caught in bed with someone else??? What is the level of animosity......

2. Unreasonable arguing: not limited to women! I've had discussions with men who cannot stay on topic, argue reasonably or sometimes even follow the train of thought.... So, for this one I don't buy the generalization. In my opinion the person who drags other crap in, changes the subject or diverts the argument usually is on the losing end of things!!!!

Women though are usually the ones who drag in the old emotional baggage! Men don't seem to do that very much. A woman will tell you how mad she was 4 months ago when her guy did.... whatever... Hell woman, tell him then not 4 months later when it is old news. He won't even remember whatever it is he did more then 10 minutes ago!

Berzin you are right!!! Fascinating to listen to dominican men argue or discuss! Where do they come up with all this stuff. And yes it is full throttle and full volume!
Even when the other side agrees with them, they still want to argue and make their point too! I just don't get it.

Noooooooooooooooooo!

planner said:

Okay here you go:

1. Most women cannot remain friends with an ex. AND Dominican women can NEVER stay friends.( I really shouldn't use that never word, someone will dispute it) Something about the jealousy of the new guy. Seems they don't stay alone for long...... I agree with Miguel the more "mature" women are more likely to be able to handle being friends. But I also think it depends on the type of break up. Was it mutual? Did one get caught in bed with someone else??? What is the level of animosity......

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Darling, you better stop agreeing with me or the "haters" will start thinkink that we are doing the "horizontal samba", lol.

Like I said, it all depends on the type of breakup. Would I be friends with someome that was unfaithful to me, HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO!!. Even if I did not cared for her, HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO!!.

I do know of people, males and females, that have forgiven their partner's infidelities. Me?, how can I say this: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO!!.

About people being loud: It has nothing to do with this thread but when a person, any person, is loud and obnoxious, it has nothing to do with being dominican and everything to do with the person's personality and education.

Miguel, I refuse to allow other to think that - especially when I am not recieving any benefits....LOL Woo hoooooo

Hellllllll NOooooo, I think we hear you.....

As for loud and obnoxious behaviour, you forgot to add what is culturally the norm or accepted. Here it is accepted and sometimes necessary! I refuse to go to that level EVER......

Ciao Miguel.....BTW, we really must stop meeting like this. People are going to talk.

easygoin said:

I thought you were only 20 years old? I'm probably wrong, but if at 20 how can someone go through so many relationships. Mind you, I'm an old man, and dating started late in my time. Going to a school dance, was a big thing back then.

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Your right I am 20.

I had 2 boyfriends...at the same time in Kindergarten..untill my mom told me that was not right I had to choose one. So I broke up with both of them..no more holding hands during field trips..and no more sitting beside me at lunch! LOL

Other then that, to my parents, being extremely religious...Carlos was the first guy I openly dated with them knowing. I had had my share of boyfriends. But I learn alot from every expereince I have with someone, weather as a friend, or more.

And junior high, and high school realtionships often don't last more then a few weeks. This gives you time for lots of boyfriends. :nervous:

But before Carlos I have about about 2 very serious realtionships that lasted quite awhile....and another 3 that were serious..but not VERY serious.

And from those I can say...(back on the subject of being able to stay friends after you break up)...That both people need to be mature and level headed enough to handle just being friends. But whoever it is that was dumped..no matter what they say most likely still have feelings. You need to give that person time to go on with their life and grow a bit before becoming part of it as friends. Otherwise...as they say "old habits die hard"...and you will either fall back into the pattern of boyfriend/girlfriend....or at least one of you will think "oh they still ahve feelings for me"..and expect something out of it.

But it can be done.

Si!

planner said:

Miguel, I refuse to allow other to think that - especially when I am not recieving any benefits....LOL Woo hoooooo

Hellllllll NOooooo, I think we hear you.....

As for loud and obnoxious behaviour, you forgot to add what is culturally the norm or accepted. Here it is accepted and sometimes necessary! I refuse to go to that level EVER......

Ciao Miguel.....BTW, we really must stop meeting like this. People are going to talk.

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You are right, it's accepted and a norm in the DR but only by some.

One thing that I will say and I am sorry to get a bit off topic:

If I was/were a female, I would never, ever have a relationship with a dominican male. Never. I know that I am generalizing but I am yet to know of a dominican man that does not thinks that he still has some power over an ex-girlfriend or wife after they split. Some think that even after the relationship ends, they still have the right to do whatever they want to the ex, that they can have her any time they want, visit any time they feel like it and just enter the house at will. And if they have kids together, it's much worse. Some still have the mentality that, even if they are not together, "if you are not with me, you will not be with anybody else".

NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE:

The base of the above comment is on people that I know and not the whole DR male population.

Planner,

indeed people will talk(like a give a crap) but I am sorry to say that she does not share. But can you "direct" with a camcorder?,

About the 18th, I will keep you posted.

MIguel you crack me up. Of course I can use a camcorder....

As to relationships with Dominican men: I have seen what you are talking about. I cannot tell you how many foreign women I know who have had Dominican boyfriends/husbands who after the breakup will not let go!!! In some cases it becomes quite violent.

I've also witnessed the Dominican men with an ex wife or girlfriend (dominican) and how they behave like they still own her. Amazing.

I've been quite fortunate and only dated a couple of Dominican men. In both cases they were more mature and somewhat educated, maybe that makes a difference or maybe I was just lucky!!!!

What is this, the "breaking up" season? First jimmyDr was breaking up and now sandall? I guess the mating season is over (spring time).

AZB said:

What is this, the "breaking up" season? First jimmyDr was breaking up and now sandall? I guess the mating season is over (spring time).

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i'm breaking up with someone too... anyone else? lol

What Dominicans are you hanging with or have you met, Miguel? I'm very aware of your saying "The base of the above comment is on people that I know and not the whole DR male population", but to be consistent with that, you shouldn't make the prior statements. I do acknowledge you, however, for trying to convey your message in the most accurate way.

Now I don't want to start up a controversy with you, but from my experience I can say that both things happen: Dominican men who are possessive of their X's and those who respect the fact that they are no longer in a commited relationship with their ex. I don't identify any great difference in the treatment that Dominican males give to their spouses and the treatment that men from other Latin American countries give to their women.

miguel said:

You are right, it's accepted and a norm in the DR but only by some.

One thing that I will say and I am sorry to get a bit off topic:

If I was/were a female, I would never, ever have a relationship with a dominican male. Never. I know that I am generalizing but I am yet to know of a dominican man that does not thinks that he still has some power over an ex-girlfriend or wife after they split. Some think that even after the relationship ends, they still have the right to do whatever they want to the ex, that they can have her any time they want, visit any time they feel like it and just enter the house at will. And if they have kids together, it's much worse. Some still have the mentality that, even if they are not together, "if you are not with me, you will not be with anybody else".

NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE:

The base of the above comment is on people that I know and not the whole DR male population.

Planner,

indeed people will talk(like a give a crap) but I am sorry to say that she does not share. But can you "direct" with a camcorder?,

About the 18th, I will keep you posted.

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