We lost our baby

Very sorry about your loss. I hope somebody is able to suggest someone who can help you if it is needed.

I'm so sorry to hear this. It can be very devastating so you're wise to be prepared.

Best of luck

Same thing happenned to my wife a few years ago, at about the same term. Is your wife Dominican?

I told my wife that most likely there was something not right with the pregnancy and if it were to go to term there woudl be defects and other unpleasantness, and that she just needed to be patient and we would have another chance.

Of course it was still very hard for her, it was her first pregnancy and she is a very nervous person and began to entertain doubts that she would ever have a baby. What made it worse is that this happenned on December 24th.

Anyway about 6 months later we began to expect this one, and the heartbreak is long forgotten.

Dear Jojo, I am terribly saddened to hear of your loss, this is always a huge shock coming after so much anticipation and hopes. I have had a lot of experience with mourning down here, so let me say that while your wife's reaction will inevitably seem a very hard thing, perhaps excessive by a foreigner's standards, it is normal for down here, and you should just let it run its course. Mourning here is a dramatic and deeply heartfelt thing, but the end result is that the catharsis is complete and thorough. Our neighbors in the campo recently had the same tragic experience, though with slightly different circumstances -- the baby was born, lived a few days, and then passed away. There was a funeral, dominican style, and for a while it seemed that the mother was inconsolable. However, the cathartic process of the funeral and the subsequent novena helped her considerably and she eventually returned to normal life. This was also in large part due to the tremendous support she received from family and the community. This is the wonderful thing about life down here, how everyone pitches in. You mention that your wife has just such a supportive family -- they will know what to do and will see her through it, and if the community pitches in all the better. I dont know your circumstances up there, but if it is a normal Dominican village, all of this will take place naturally. If you live in an expat community, then there could be significant differences, but the family is still the best and primary source of solace and recovery. It is a good idea to seek a specialist as a plan B, certainly, but the family will probably take care of it in the end.

Losing the child after six weeks is not an abnormal thing; my wife and I almost lost our child at this very juncture. I dont know about the obstetrics but Iknow that it is not uncommon in even the healthiest mothers. She can be made to understand this eventually and prepare for a second pregnancy in time.

My heart goes out to you, have patience, trust in the family. God bless. If I happen upon a good expert, I will send the info along.

Sorry to hear your news. I lost a baby at 12 weeks many years ago and felt my world had fallen in. My doctor told me to be reassured that the lost baby had "made a bed" for a new preganancy and to be comforted by that. Nice thought and it helped me to come to terms with the loss. 3 months later I was pregnant again and despite a few problems at the start I went full term and produced a lovely son. Your wife will no doubt come to terms with her loss but above all should not feel a failure (I did) be frightened of trying again (I was) and things going wrong again (which they didn't!) - it's Nature's way of dealing with things that aren't right and I'm sure soon she will find herself smiling again - it's good she has such a supportive husband. Good luck

Jojo, Iwould say that it she should be taken to La Romana. Better by far. Construction is undoubtedly important, but it can wait,and no amount of house building will serve if the emotional foundations of your lives together are not solid. Go to la Romana.

From my experience with people close to me, there is an initial stage where the rational explanations are not enough of a consolation, so love and reassurance is more important. Jojo, by asking these questions you are showing your concern, which is not always the case. Some partners expect the woman to get over it and snap out of it quickly, and do not provide the support she needs. She is lucky to have someone like you.

Jojo
I am sorry to hear of your loss.

I have had three very close people have miscarriages in the past 3 months. For the first two weeks to a month it may be very hard with her emotions, the sadness. Please remember there is also the fact her hormones are running up and down right now and this adds to her state of fluctuation. Her hormones are playing the same tricks that they do when a woman is ovulating or pregnant - up down across over. Keep your patience with her and remind her you love her.

One of my friends has been journaling to remember her feelings, another one goes to church and prays, the third is spending more time with her spouse. Each woman is different and how it affects them is different.

A.J.

Jojo, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I suffered a miscarriage two years ago this March. I was twelve weeks pregnant, and it was like my world came crashing down on me. I know what your wife is going through, and it is terribly difficult. Luckily, your wife has a wonderful, supportive husband like you to see her through it. Had it not been for my husband, the loss would've been much harder to bear, so trust me, with your support, her burden has been reduced considerably. I must've had twenty people try to console me, telling me that there was a reason we lost that child. At the time, it didn't help, however, as the pain subsides, you begin to understand that things happen in life for a reason. Although it doesn't make the hurt go away, it does help you to grow and move forward. Six weeks after the miscarriage, I was pregnant again with our pride and joy, Noah. Your love for each other will see you through this. I wish you the very best of luck.

Listen..

I am sorry that both of you are going thru this difficult time.

Let me add a few things:

First of all, you are doing the right thing in seeking help.The sooner the better.

Also, read very carefully the posts from the DR1 females. NOBODY can understand what your wife is going thru unless you have been in the same position.

Also, make sure that she is not surrounded with "yes" people. You know, those that would try to help her by saying "ay probrecita, what happened?". The moment that she has to keep on explaining to people what happened, she will re-live her pain again and again. They already know what happened, they do not need her to explain it to them. Therefore, make sure that, if you take her to her family, they know not to keep asking her "que paso". Maybe they all mean well but the only people that can help her is YOU, those that have been in her same situation and a professional.

DO NOT HESITATE, take her to a doctor as soon as possible and make sure to tell her, 1,000 times if needed, that she is not to blame.

Joe, I am very sorry to hear about this.

Everyone in DR1 is here for you. So stay strong my friend!!!

jojo,

I'd like to add my condolences for your loss. I have also had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. As far as professional help, I think it depends on the person. This is a very individual situation, for some support groups are helpful. For me, I didn't want any professional help. However, talking to a friend who went through a miscarriage was extremely helpful because she validated everything I was feeling. Also as many times as people will tell her that it is very common for women to lose their first baby will not dull the pain, nor will telling her repeatedly that it doesn't mean she wont have successful pregnancies in the future. I think its important to let her mourn this baby in her own way. In Boston they hold a ceremony for miscarried babies where you release a butterfly into the air in honor of your baby. That can be healing, also.

God Bless.

Sorry for the loss for you your wife and Your immediate family. My heart goes out to you.

I'm a firm believer in God does things for a certain reason.

Stay strong and look at the positives in the future like Mr. Mike's beautiful story.