Chicken Soup For The Alcoholic
Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink
I feelashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink
this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this
beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about
my liver."
--by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some
people is that when
they arent' drunk,
they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
`
An intelligent man is
sometimes forced to be
drunk to spend time
with his fools.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted
when you're wasted all
the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you
to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack
of alcohol.
--Anonymous
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have
the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to
my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted
all of the time and have the time of your life.
--Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day,
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
Beer is proof that God
loves us and wants us
to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin MY PERSONAL FAVORITE
When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and
go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
Why is American beer served cold?
So you can distinguish it from urine.
--David Moulton
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline.
It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet
it makesbeer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention
in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also
a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that
everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Give me a woman who loves beer and
I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
Hope you enjoyedthem!!
HB
Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink
I feelashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink
this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this
beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about
my liver."
--by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some
people is that when
they arent' drunk,
they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
`
An intelligent man is
sometimes forced to be
drunk to spend time
with his fools.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted
when you're wasted all
the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you
to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack
of alcohol.
--Anonymous
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have
the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to
my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted
all of the time and have the time of your life.
--Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day,
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
Beer is proof that God
loves us and wants us
to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin MY PERSONAL FAVORITE
When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and
go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
Why is American beer served cold?
So you can distinguish it from urine.
--David Moulton
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline.
It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet
it makesbeer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention
in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also
a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that
everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Give me a woman who loves beer and
I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
Hope you enjoyedthem!!
HB