The original article can be seen here.
I?ll have a lot to say about my specific honeymoon location soon, but suffice it to say that the resort over-promised and under-delivered on just about everything they sold us. So, let?s put that aside for the time being and concentrate on the first of two human sub-species I encountered during my honeymoon in the DR and you are almost guaranteed to encounter on just about any vacation ? the ?Loud Ugly Americans.? Tomorrow?s I will examine the other species you are bound to encounter while traveling ? the ?European Chain-Smokers.?
The reputation of the ?Loud Ugly American? (hereafter LUA) is not a myth, it is a reality. So prevalent is this reality that in 2006 the U.S. State Department partnered with U.S. transnational companies to combat the phenomenon and even issued a few guidelines for the masses of Americans who seem to be culturally tone deaf. The guidelines are common sense to many Americans but, unfortunately, not for tens of millions of others.
My wife and I had several encounters with a large pack of LUAs outside of their natural habitat (the U.S.A.) during our honeymoon in Punta Cana. The first time was in a Mexican theme restaurant during dinner. The pack consisted of approximately 10 LUA adults and another 6-8 LUA cubs. There were probably 15 LUAs in total, but with the noise level and loud garish clothing it seemed more like 50. The adults sat at one large table and consolidated their litters at another. Amazingly, the noise and obnoxious behavior (besides the occasional whining) came primarily from the adult table. There was even one tense moment when the male LUAs commandeered Sombreros and wandered around the dining room saying ?Holaaaaaaaa!? to everyone, assuming they were being festive and not obnoxious or intrusive during other people?s dinners. Being this close to an adult male LUA (in the wild) can be very scary for someone who doesn?t know enough to avoid eye contact and completely forget the English language for a moment. My wife and I are highly-skilled in this area and survived the encounter to blog about it.
The following evening we decided to dine in the Mediterranean themed restaurant. I had hoped that the LUAs would be so thoroughly confused as to what was meant by the term ?Mediterranean? that they would avoid it and instead decide to circle their herd around the all-you-can-eat- buffet where there is always an abundance of more appropriate LUA feed (burgers, fries, pizza, etc.) We settled in at a table next to a very nice couple from Montreal, exchanged pleasantries, and started our meal. Within minutes the same LUA pack had entered our territory and set-up camp. They were slightly more subdued than the night before and the only murmurs I heard coming from the ?cub table? was that ?this place doesn?t have any good food.? They ate anyway but didn?t stay long as I imagine they made at least one more trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet for some ?real food? before returning to their caves. A collective sense of relief could be felt as the last LUA exited the restaurant and the door was closed and locked behind him ? we had survived again.
If you Google ?loud ugly Americans? you?ll retrieve lots of tips and guidelines for ignorant Americans to follow when traveling abroad, including the Top Ten things Americans Tourists Should Not Do by Isabella Snow. It?s both amazing and sad that people need to be told these things. Unfortunately, I could not find similar guidelines or tips for tomorrow?s topic ? the ?European Chain-Smoker.? So, out of the kindness of my heart and in an effort to foster international understanding and good-will, I?ve created some tips for them and will post them tomorrow.
Comments and criticism are always welcome.
RHM
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