i dont understand his anger

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italy

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Jan 5, 2009
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I am an italian egyptian woman born in america. I started dating a dominican guy 1 1/2 ago. Its been a tumultous relationship from the get go. He would easily get mad and shut his phone off if i said something that bothered him. One time my phone was dying and i called him to tell him and that i would call him later once it charged...after that he shut his phone off for the entire night because he didnt beleive me.
He also get mad when I drink. There were a few times that we went out where we were drinking alot and i would get a little loopy. He would be drinking with me. After at the end of the night he would get so mad and curse at me and call me disguting. He would say that i didn't know what i was doing or saying etc. he would make me start to think the way he did when i was just having a good time.
We just broke up in a very volatile fight on newyears eve. becuase i got very drunk and then asked him "where the **** he was" when i asked him to go with me to the bathroom...he didnt like that and told me again that i was disgusting a mess and that he doesnt want anything to do with me. I have sacrificed so much in this relationship....hes broke..doesnt take me out much..lives with his parents etc...and i still loved him unconditionally. are these typical dominican traits? he said he never wants to talk or see me again...
 
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Bellamona

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Sep 18, 2007
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These are typical ***hole traits; has nothing to do with his being Dominican.

If he doesn't take you out, calls you disgusting and isn't even interested in talking with you, then what, may I ask, are you in love with? Even the best sankies spend some time wooing and "conquistando" their women but it sounds as though he doesn't even have to invest that amount of time with you.

With all due respect, you need time away from ALL "love" relationships until you can sort out what makes you drink excessively and react so violently ("becuase i got very drunk and then asked him "where the **** he was" when i asked him to go with me to the bathroom.") when you do drink. Until then you will have nothing of value to offer in a real relationship and will only attract this type of trash. Forgive my bluntness but only you can control this situation. Learning to love yourself sounds so trite but is so true. Counseling would be helpful to get at the cause of your self-destructive behavior - I hope that you do get out of this one-sided relationship and look toward helping yourself - that's when you will find someone worth your energy. I wish you the best.
 
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catcherintherye

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Mar 2, 2008
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Basically you are in a distructive relationship with someone who must be providing something you require. Whatever that something is, you are willing to accept the abuse that goes with it, or perhaps it is, in fact, the abuse that you require.

Yours situation is no different than the hundreds of thousands of other disfunctional relationships out there, and I doubt it has anything at all to do with nationality, race, or any other factor. It has to do with the common human tendency of gravitating to a distructive relationship despite knowing the relationship is going to turn out badly for them.

Either move on or continue to wallow in it. Those are your two choices.
 
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italy

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Jan 5, 2009
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i respect your bluntness but i do not drink excessively it was new years and yes i am in the wrong for cursing at him but it was only a reaction to him treating me so badly and then loving me so strongly. I just dont understand loving someone one minute and then blocking them out the next. I am a very giving a loving person but i guess your right. what am i doing in this relationship and i do need to look within myself.

but before judging me so harshly you should think about the whole picture. So i became a weak woman that took **** and in the end im the one coming out ugly.
 
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italy

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Jan 5, 2009
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i do not have a problem with myself i love myself...i wanted a relationship to work and it didn't....
i do not have a drinking problem...im not the one thats hanging out nightly drinking beer at the corner grocery store....which he does.


hes a controlling asshole...and there is nothing wrong with me...im fed up with the relationship and wanted to know if anyone else has gotten caught up in this type of relationship
 
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Bellamona

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I don't think any of us are judging you - we're not saying you're a bad person - you are confusing love with something else ("it was only a reaction to him treating me so badly and then loving me so strongly"). Catcherintherye hit the nail on the head - you are getting something out of this relationship but it is not a healthy "something". You can't see what we see in your post.

You yourself said he gets mad when you drink, one time you got loopy. Behavior patterns that are getting you nowhere.

Unfortunately you will only make a change when and if you are ready - from what I read in these posts, we're actually on your side, we're just telling what the reality is that you refuse to see at this point. I sincerely wish you well.
 
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Bellamona

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Sep 18, 2007
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Jamas!

italy said:
i do not have a problem with myself i love myself...i wanted a relationship to work and it didn't....
i do not have a drinking problem...im not the one thats hanging out nightly drinking beer at the corner grocery store....which he does.


hes a controlling asshole...and there is nothing wrong with me...im fed up with the relationship and wanted to know if anyone else has gotten caught up in this type of relationship
Click to expand...

Yes I did, many many moons ago. That is why I can speak with authority and say JAMAS!!! never again.
 
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italy

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Jan 5, 2009
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i appreciate your honesty...i was reading it wrong....

i know now that i am out of this relationship those patterns will come to an end. I was never like that before him....i have always had my head on straight..im an independent woman etc...

i lost myself somewhere along the way with him..and yes JAMAS!
 
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Lambada

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Mar 4, 2004
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www.ginniebedggood.com
italy said:
I just dont understand loving someone one minute and then blocking them out the next.
Click to expand...

Ever seen a four year old bite, kick, scream at his parents then burst into tears and run to them for cuddles? It stems from insecurity which is entirely appropriate for most toddlers as they learn the boundaries. Not appropriate in adult men however, of any nationality. Adults who need to test out how much you love them by pushing the envelope beyond acceptable limits have never learned reasonable adult conduct and I'm sure they become very tiresome over time. I mean if you'd wanted a toddler you would have had one, wouldn't you?

No I've never had such a relationship beyond about half an hour :). Men like that tend to take off running when they meet me (or did in the days when I was young & single enough to be looking). And it was entirely mutual :cheeky:.

Good luck to you. You'll be laughing about him soon, either with your girlfriends or to his face.

Your mantra for 2009, italy. 'I will NOT be a human doormat'
 
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francoisatl

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Feb 13, 2007
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WHY WOULD YOU LET A MAN TREAT YOU THAT WAY
WAKE UP
AND HE LIVES AT HOME (IF YOU DONT HAVE NO MONEY TAKE YOUR BROKE @SS home)
OH WAIT HE LIVES AT HOME
MOVE ON HE IS A SANKIE AND YOU ARE A HOT MESS
2 tears in a bucket mutha f*ck it
 
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dulce

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Jan 1, 2002
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"2 tears in a bucket mutha f*ck it" very funny
To the OP: any man will act like this if a woman allows it. Dominicans do have a reputation for manipulating and controlling to women. This is not to say ALL Dominicans are like that.
You should be feeling lucky that you have only wasted 1 1/2 years with this man. Move on and start enjoying life. He will try to get back together with you because he does not want to lose control of easy prey. Dominicans can be very charming and convincing if you let them. Let him find someone else to tear down. Trust me there is another woman out there for him and hopefully she will learn quicker than you did.
 
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Alyonka

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Jun 3, 2006
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I think with them you have to set the rules and boundaries, and constantly work to make them follow those. They can be like kids untill the very old age which is kind of funny. It can be very tiring and emotionally draining to be with one of them, and constantly play games. Good luck!
 
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Kyle

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Jun 2, 2006
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italy, i would say that getting rid of him should have been your new year's resolution. i would hate to see "volatile" turn into "violence" for you.

cut your losses, throw him back, and start trolling for another fish...:laugh:
 
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