Adoption of your partners children

Macy Kai · Aug 31, 2012

Hi everyone,
my sister is due to get married to her dominican bf in december. He has a son. His son lives with them, as his mother died when he was a baby. She would like to know how difficult it would be for her to legally adopt him, what would she need to do etc.

The main reason for her looking into adoption now is that she wants him to be allowed to attend the international school where she works, however as he is not biologically her son or at the moment legally, the school wont take him on the same scholarship as the other teacher?s kids.

If anyone can give any advice that I can pass on, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

Matilda · Aug 31, 2012

They will have to go to Conani. She will need bank statements, church reports, psychology reports, medical reports. I started to do it for my stepsons but unfortunately Conani lost all of the paperwork. It is possible but will cost a bit and take a long time. The info is on their website CONANI

Matilda

Macy Kai · Aug 31, 2012

Thank you. Shirley just told me it was complicated!!

Hillbilly · Aug 31, 2012

Considering that (1) She does not really know that the mother is dead. (2) There is no upside to this. (3) This is a boy/man friend who she does not know, who is not educated and who is highly questionable. (4) There is no reason to adopt him, he has a father.

IF the BF is (a) at least as educated as your sister;(b) has a bank account equal to your sisters' and (c) has a visa to the United States, than there "might" be something here. However, a "no" to any of the ABCs means that your sister is not being wise, and the adoption process which is long, complicated and would never, ever happen in spite of all her efforts, is a dead end.

Sorry, but that is how I see it. Now, if I am way off base here, wonderful!!! A DDD, a true gem, a 1/100000, a lottery winner.

HB

ybonabeach · Aug 31, 2012

Marry him, have child put on Immigration papers, all immigrate to other country then do the adoption......simple...not!

jafo · Sep 1, 2012

Tell your sister not to adopt this child.

I DON'T KNOW THE MAN , BUT BELOW ARE REAL POSSIBILITIES.

If she does and brings this child to the US .
She can and most likely will end up paying child support to the father.
The mother may still be alive.
And when he takes off she is now on the hook.

A child does not need to be adopted , to be loved and cared for.
The child will not have her name , as he already has one.

Further more it is highly unlikely that her boy friends son has been raised by him absent a mother.
Just not how a Dominican family works .
Some where there is a woman in this picture.
She is just waiting off stage.

Best of luck.

dv8 · Sep 1, 2012

tell your sister not to adopt. she already plays the role of the mother, what more does she wants?
adoption is not like marriage. marriages end in a fatal fall possibly 50% of the time. adoption calls for far more responsibility and LIFE TIME commitment. tell her to wait and see how the relationship works. she can always adopt the child later in life.
it is a long and costly process that can put a real strain on a couple: both financially and emotionally.

if your sister want to bring her husband to the UK eventually this is a long and expensive process too. things are not going to be made any easier if a dominican child comes into the equation. she will have to prove she has means of supporting both of them making it even more challenging for her. it is better she brings hubby with her and then they both work to bring the boy.

following this, hopefully, sensible advice i totally agree with HB. failure all the way. but let her have it her way. nothing teaches a lesson like falling down your own face.

Matilda · Sep 1, 2012

jafo said:
Tell your sister not to adopt this child.

I DON'T KNOW THE MAN , BUT BELOW ARE REAL POSSIBILITIES.

If she does and brings this child to the US .
She can and most likely will end up paying child support to the father.
The mother may still be alive.
And when he takes off she is now on the hook.

A child does not need to be adopted , to be loved and cared for.
The child will not have her name , as he already has one.

Further more it is highly unlikely that her boy friends son has been raised by him absent a mother.
Just not how a Dominican family works .
Some where there is a woman in this picture.
She is just waiting off stage.

Best of luck.

That is not necessarily the case. Often when a Dominican couple split up the father will take the male children, especially in the countryside. My husband raised 3 sons on his own, and when I met him, 11 years ago the kids were 11,9 and 7. The mother was alive but she left them when very young to be with another man, and has not seen them since. She had no problems signing for me to adopt them. As I have been a mother to these boys, it was very natural to want to adopt them, just as would happen in the UK and the US, and the children were very keen on it too. Unfortunately, it is a long and difficult process and Conani moved offices and lost the file. It is a bit harsh to make assumptions about the child's mother when you do not know the situation.

Matilda

MerengueDutchie · Sep 2, 2012

Let 'your sister' wait with this decision for a couple of years until things are settled... then decide there is still plenty of time.

Meanwhile you can send the kid to international school here in the DR to prepare for his future, the daddy can get a job and you can construct your life unburdened by the kids presence.

jafo · Sep 2, 2012

Matilda

I'm glad things have worked out well for you.
But who is making assumptions now.

"That is not necessarily the case. Often when a Dominican couple split up the father will take the male children, especially in the countryside."

You don't know where this man is from , or what the situation is. Campo , farmer , or college professor.
This is the Dominican Republic we are talking about. One of the leading country's in visa fraud.

"It is a bit harsh to make assumptions about the child's mother when you do not know the situation."

You don't know the situation any better than I do.

What I said .

"I DON'T KNOW THE MAN , BUT BELOW ARE REAL POSSIBILITIES.

The mother may still be alive.

Some where there is a woman in this picture.

I'm sure that ( The Father of this child ) has been sitting around at home .
Celibate no doubt.
This is most likely the case , given Dominican male behavior. (NOT A ATTACK ON DOMINICANS.)

yacht chef · Sep 2, 2012

Look H.B. is helping run a place for kids who do not have parents . So he is not a cold harted basterd ! Having said that do your self a faver lisen to him ! At least wate a while befor you jump in to the deep end !!!!! Mom is dead BBBssssssss.

AnnaC · Sep 2, 2012

Matilda said:
They will have to go to Conani. She will need bank statements, church reports, psychology reports, medical reports. I started to do it for my stepsons but unfortunately Conani lost all of the paperwork. It is possible but will cost a bit and take a long time. The info is on their website CONANI

Matilda

I'm going to assume that the sister of the OP is from the UK like herself therefore maybe you can tell us if adoption is necessary for immigration purposes. My guess would be no since he could immigrate with his father if that is the reason she wants to adopt him.

To the OP, how old is the boy and how long have the three lived together.

Macy Kai · Sep 2, 2012

Ok.. you are all entitled to your opinions, but you are right you don?t know the man, this childs mother dies when he was 6 months old. We have seen evidence of this. The main reason for her looking into adoption now is that she wants him to be allowed to attend the international school where she works, however as he is not biologically her son or at the moment legally, the school wont take him on the same scholarship as the other teacher?s kids. Dominican wages do not allow for private school fees!

Matilda · Sep 2, 2012

As far as I can tell Anna in some circumstances the child would not have to be adopted, and in any case the adoption would not be recognised in the UK as the DR is not on the list of approved countries where adoption is recognised. The child would have to be re adopted through the British courts in order to have the possibility of becoming a British citizen.
UK Border Agency | Children of British citizens and settled people

I just think that adoption should not be about what makes it easier or not to get a visa. My sister married an American and his wife and 2 of his children were dead. My sister adopted the third child, and there was never any question that it was the right thing to do for her, the child and the family unit. However, as soon as the talk is about a Dominican then all sorts of other issues take precedence.

Matilda

AnnaC · Sep 2, 2012

Macy Kai said:
The main reason for her looking into adoption now is that she wants him to be allowed to attend the international school where she works, however as he is not biologically her son or at the moment legally, the school wont take him on the same scholarship as the other teacher?s kids.

Thank you for clearing that up. Follow the link that Matilda posted

Best of luck to your sister

I'm going to move this to the legal forum since it's a question about adopting in the DR and not about getting a visa out of the DR.

dv8 · Sep 2, 2012

Macy Kai said:
Ok.. you are all entitled to your opinions, but you are right you don?t know the man, this childs mother dies when he was 6 months old. We have seen evidence of this. The main reason for her looking into adoption now is that she wants him to be allowed to attend the international school where she works, however as he is not biologically her son or at the moment legally, the school wont take him on the same scholarship as the other teacher?s kids. Dominican wages do not allow for private school fees!

gezz, how to break it to you, adoption is EXPENSIVE. this is counter productive to pay adopt a child in order to avoid higher school fees. besides, when she is legally married to the father maybe the school will allow to let the boy in as if he was her biological son. other than than chose a different school. he does not have to attend the school she teaches in.

decision to adopt is swimming against the current here: she will run into costs, she will lose her time (translates into money as she will need to take day off school to be in government offices), she will get seriously pi**ed off and tired of bureaucracy.

Castle · Sep 2, 2012

Macy Kai said:
Ok.. you are all entitled to your opinions, but you are right you don?t know the man, this childs mother dies when he was 6 months old. We have seen evidence of this. The main reason for her looking into adoption now is that she wants him to be allowed to attend the international school where she works, however as he is not biologically her son or at the moment legally, the school wont take him on the same scholarship as the other teacher?s kids. Dominican wages do not allow for private school fees!

Adopting a child in order to save money in school fees? Jeez, that's like buying a house nearby in order to save on the bus fare...
I can think of many good reasons to adopt a child, but money saving is definitely a no-no...

Anyway, OP is not asking for validation, nor anyone on this forum is here to pass judgement, so I apologize if I had to give my opinion...

Hillbilly · Sep 2, 2012

Thank you dv8, that was going to be my point: It will take much more to adopt the boy than pay the tuition. If she chooses to marry the fellow (no mention of his job??? A RED FLAG if there ever was one)....then the school will certainly understand and allow him access...at least they should.\\\\\

HB

Ken · Sep 2, 2012

Macy Kai said:
Ok.. you are all entitled to your opinions, but you are right you don?t know the man, this childs mother dies when he was 6 months old. We have seen evidence of this. The main reason for her looking into adoption now is that she wants him to be allowed to attend the international school where she works, however as he is not biologically her son or at the moment legally, the school wont take him on the same scholarship as the other teacher?s kids. Dominican wages do not allow for private school fees!

When you post on DR1 you are asking for input, you will get responses from many people. Many of them have long experience living in the DR and have had personal experience or know people well who have had personal experience in almost any matter that may be asked about.

It is true that we don't know the man, your sister, or anything about the history of the child. But we know a lot about the reasons that Dominicans marry foreigners, and about what often happens to the relationship after the marriage.

This is not to say that anybody knows your sister is making poor choices, and nobody hopes that her marriage will fail.

The input you are getting in response to your request for input is offered with the best intentions. What you and your sister do with it is up to you.

AnnaC · Sep 2, 2012

Ken said:
When you post on DR1 you are asking for input, you will get responses from many people. Many of them have long experience living in the DR and have had personal experience or know people well who have had personal experience in almost any matter that may be asked about.

It is true that we don't know the man, your sister, or anything about the history of the child. But we know a lot about the reasons that Dominicans marry foreigners, and about what often happens to the relationship after the marriage.

This is not to say that anybody knows your sister is making poor choices, and nobody hopes that her marriage will fail.

The input you are getting in response to your request for input is offered with the best intentions. What you and your sister do with it is up to you.

I have great respect for you Ken but I have to disagree with you and anyone else that thinks they should give out the same cookie cutter answer.

This is the legal forum and a legal question was asked. People are entitled to get a legal answer to their questions without everyone having to go to the same song and dance. If they were asking a relationship question then it would be moved to mars/venus.

We have a couple of professional lawyers on this board and I've never seen relationship advice given out in any of their professional posts.

Answer the question without getting involved in their personal life. Easy!

Adoption of your partners children

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