Hey Sayanora,
Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Frank, but my friends call me Rico Suave. I have a GED and have served as a journalist, war correspondent, and a cook on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. I got stranded here on the north coast over a decade ago and have been seeking gainful employment ever since in order to make enough money to get the hell off this island.
My writing skills are a little to be desired, but hell, editors usually take care of that. However, given enough food, money and sexual incentives, i'm sure i can bring my writing skills right up to your satisfactory level in no time at all. What i lack, i'm willing to learn. What i need, i'm willing to purchase or bribe. I once fought a siamese cat over a can of tuna and won; i also fought a prostitute on Cabarete beach at night in front of Ocean One condos (while walking home drunk) and won after pulling out all of her newly woven hair-extensions and fake finger nails. I'm a black belt in Kuma Sutra positions, and well versed in english and dominican slang; i also can defend myself admirably against stray dogs, donkeys, and drag queens. i once beat up Divine after pulling her wig off her head and smearing it in dog poop.
I can sell anything to anyone, anywhere...anytime. i once sold toothbrushes while standing on the corner of broadway and 42nd street in downtown Manhattan in the middle of a snow storm. i offered people free chips and dip as they walked past on their lunch break. Once they saw "Free Chips & Dip," they immediately stopped, dipped the chips into the dip, then looked up at me in horror, and said,"This tastes like dog shiiit!"
I replied..."It is dog shiiit! Would you like to buy a toothbrush?"
I urgently await your reply,
Sincerley, Frank12
