Prologue:
Beunos dias mes amigos. It was a dark and stormy night, in a galaxy far far away, there once was a man from Nantucket...screw it That's not gonna work.
The sun has come up again over Hispanola. There is a pretty (last time I use the alliteration "pretty I promise) double rainbow beginning in Casa Linda and ending somewhere in the Sea Horse Ranch. I do believe there is a little green guy there with a bucket of gold just off highway 5. I'm tempted to chop down that 800 year old tree that has survived countless encounters with drunk drivers over the years because that is the logical place for a green guy to hide a bucket of gold. Recent shenanigans by underpaid and under trained secuidads certainly gives one good reason to not implement this plan. More Baileys and the cover of darkness might change my mind...
As I lay in bed last night cursing everything Webster I got to thinking about this little project. Authors are a persnickety self absorbed bunch who prefer to command their audience like a conductor at Carnegie Hall. Using lots of tricks of the trade we lead our followers on a magical carpet ride to destinations and through situations that dazzle, inspire and amaze. The truth be told, it's all BS. The human mind wants a picture as reference. Painting an interesting and pleasing picture on the blank canvass of another person's mind is not an easy feat under he best of circumstances even if that person is already inclined to be lead down the rabbit hole. The subject matter being present must be carefully constructed to provide the right combination of intrigue, empathy, recognition and of course interest. I could go on about the conquests of Joan of Arc and I would lose most of you by the sixth sentence unless I prefaced the tale with the alluring fact that she sleeps with her entire army in the 7th sentence, then I've got you.
On every book, there is a blurb about its author on the jacket cover and there are a few things you need to know about me to derive full value from this tale. This information serves as a point of reference so that you can appreciate my perspective and use this information to interpret the mental pictures I will be placing behind your eyes throughout this process.
I do not feel old but I am old. Not old in the sense of a wise old man with a white beard with a lifetime of experiences and the practical knowledge and understanding that comes with the passage of time. I am old because everyone under 30 calls me a geezer except my kids, they use a different word or words that are not appropriate for a family audience. If this were a book being sold by Double Day, you bet your sweet betootie, I'd be using those words...that's another trick of the trade more on this later when I talk about the rules. So I am old but I am not. I am Canadian so I am predisposed to intervene and break up arguments, broker the peace and procrastinate until the cows come home hoping the someone else will open the corral as I would prefer not to have to stand up and actually get involved in the process or any process for that matter. I am retired from a career that has encompassed military service, civilian airlines and a heating & air conditioning company. There are a myriad of odd jobs and professions in between, but they serve only to afford me the opportunity to credit myself as a collector of knowledge but a true master of very little.
I am a sociable person but I do not like people. How's that for a morning conundrum? I am quite content to be by myself for long periods of time. Often preferring my own company because I am low maintenance. The effort of being nice, polite and appearing interested in the minutia of other people's lives is taxing. Remembering their names, their interests and the details of their 55 grand children bores the hell out of me. "I do not like people", is a general statement. There are human beings that I do like. There are others that I have no desire or interest in ever seeing again. I will and do talk to everyone in a social setting. I am a chameleon in that regard. When I do crave human interaction, a good time is had by all and I soak up that comradery and dole it out to myself in small manageable amounts to sustain me during those times when solace seems more appropriate. John-Paul Sarter says it best, "L'enfer, c'est les autres" or "Hell is other people". I am confident that I will touch on this concept many times in the days to come as it applies to Dominicans and people of all cultures and races wherever they may be.
I am an in my mind's own eye one of the good guys. I do not wish harm or ill fortune on anyone. I am not above gaming a system provided that no identifiable individual is harmed in the process. I don't mind depriving a faceless Govt. of a few duckets but would never takes from the mouth of a struggling family their daily bread. I believe in and try to practice as often as possible, the do unto others as you would have them do unto you principle.
That's enough about me. This should give you just enough insight to be able to formulate an understanding of the prose that you will soon subject yourself to. If additional reference material becomes required, I'll offer it up at that time.
Finally this morning, it is Sunday after all, let's discuss the rules:
I have been tasked with the mission to convey what is essentially a very boring fact based chronology of how I got from there to here. If I didn't give a damn, I'd present a bullet point list of everything I remember and be done with it. That, however, is not not really me and certainly not what you all want. To pull this off without having people throwing themselves out of second floor cabana windows or consuming all of the local alcohol that I so much crave and need, I will be taking certain liberties on this journey.
I will avoid like the plague recounting all of those step by step how to apply for residency and other similar topics that are covered elsewhere here on DR1. This will not be a "How to Run away & Hide for Dummies" manual. The subject matter that I choose to include will be true...for the most part. I reserve the right to use all of an author's tricks to keep you captivated and interested otherwise I am just wasting our collective time together. I will employ satire, pathos and irony to name a few. I will and reserve the right to embellish anything and everything. You are free to draw your own conclusions, but I strongly caution you against accepting what you read as the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. By way of illustration, there is a big difference between "he is a pedophile" and "he likes little girls". One does not necessarily equal the the other, although they could and the conclusion one draws from the latter, one does at your own peril.
You may not take umbrage at my spelling mistakes especially with Spanish words. You may not critique my grammar or the fact that I change tenses and perspective on a whim. I will not turn this into a 3rd party tome or a first person narrative. I will work for as long as I feel inclined to do so. I work for Baileys, coffee and smokes, feel free to drop any or all off with my agent whose address I will be provided upon request. This story is far from over. Each day brings me new material and new insight. I am not an expert in all things Dominican and I am learning as I go, just like all of you have done and are doing to this day. While there is a start and part of a middle there is no end in sight. Please do not expect that at sometime in the future there will be a grand reveal that make everything right with the world and leave you with an understanding of our place in it.
I have a plan in accepting this assignment. The details of which are not important at this point. Depending on how it goes I'll refine or cancel this plan all together. I welcome your comments after my posts. Please keep in mind this is my story. It's all about me. When I choose to include you, I do so because it serves my purposes. Please remember and take to heart the immortal words (sort of) of Jack Webb, "My name is Friday. The stories and people you are about to see and meet are true, their names may or may not have been changed to protect the innocent or the guilty." Always keep in mind as I said above, these events are based on fact. However, any resemblance to actual people that you might someday come to know is intentional but in no way should you accept what I write as an accurate reflection of them, their actions, feelings, personality or character.
Finally, I must proclaim that I seem to be most content when I am complaining about something. If you detect a morose or noir'ish slant from time to time, just accept it for what it is and try not to attribute it to anything other than alliteration and a story telling. There will be good, bad and the ugly, not necessarily in equal proportions.
This train departs soon. Should I stop now or is there sufficient interest for me to carry on now that you have an ideal of what you are in for?
Beunos dias mes amigos. It was a dark and stormy night, in a galaxy far far away, there once was a man from Nantucket...screw it That's not gonna work.
The sun has come up again over Hispanola. There is a pretty (last time I use the alliteration "pretty I promise) double rainbow beginning in Casa Linda and ending somewhere in the Sea Horse Ranch. I do believe there is a little green guy there with a bucket of gold just off highway 5. I'm tempted to chop down that 800 year old tree that has survived countless encounters with drunk drivers over the years because that is the logical place for a green guy to hide a bucket of gold. Recent shenanigans by underpaid and under trained secuidads certainly gives one good reason to not implement this plan. More Baileys and the cover of darkness might change my mind...
As I lay in bed last night cursing everything Webster I got to thinking about this little project. Authors are a persnickety self absorbed bunch who prefer to command their audience like a conductor at Carnegie Hall. Using lots of tricks of the trade we lead our followers on a magical carpet ride to destinations and through situations that dazzle, inspire and amaze. The truth be told, it's all BS. The human mind wants a picture as reference. Painting an interesting and pleasing picture on the blank canvass of another person's mind is not an easy feat under he best of circumstances even if that person is already inclined to be lead down the rabbit hole. The subject matter being present must be carefully constructed to provide the right combination of intrigue, empathy, recognition and of course interest. I could go on about the conquests of Joan of Arc and I would lose most of you by the sixth sentence unless I prefaced the tale with the alluring fact that she sleeps with her entire army in the 7th sentence, then I've got you.
On every book, there is a blurb about its author on the jacket cover and there are a few things you need to know about me to derive full value from this tale. This information serves as a point of reference so that you can appreciate my perspective and use this information to interpret the mental pictures I will be placing behind your eyes throughout this process.
I do not feel old but I am old. Not old in the sense of a wise old man with a white beard with a lifetime of experiences and the practical knowledge and understanding that comes with the passage of time. I am old because everyone under 30 calls me a geezer except my kids, they use a different word or words that are not appropriate for a family audience. If this were a book being sold by Double Day, you bet your sweet betootie, I'd be using those words...that's another trick of the trade more on this later when I talk about the rules. So I am old but I am not. I am Canadian so I am predisposed to intervene and break up arguments, broker the peace and procrastinate until the cows come home hoping the someone else will open the corral as I would prefer not to have to stand up and actually get involved in the process or any process for that matter. I am retired from a career that has encompassed military service, civilian airlines and a heating & air conditioning company. There are a myriad of odd jobs and professions in between, but they serve only to afford me the opportunity to credit myself as a collector of knowledge but a true master of very little.
I am a sociable person but I do not like people. How's that for a morning conundrum? I am quite content to be by myself for long periods of time. Often preferring my own company because I am low maintenance. The effort of being nice, polite and appearing interested in the minutia of other people's lives is taxing. Remembering their names, their interests and the details of their 55 grand children bores the hell out of me. "I do not like people", is a general statement. There are human beings that I do like. There are others that I have no desire or interest in ever seeing again. I will and do talk to everyone in a social setting. I am a chameleon in that regard. When I do crave human interaction, a good time is had by all and I soak up that comradery and dole it out to myself in small manageable amounts to sustain me during those times when solace seems more appropriate. John-Paul Sarter says it best, "L'enfer, c'est les autres" or "Hell is other people". I am confident that I will touch on this concept many times in the days to come as it applies to Dominicans and people of all cultures and races wherever they may be.
I am an in my mind's own eye one of the good guys. I do not wish harm or ill fortune on anyone. I am not above gaming a system provided that no identifiable individual is harmed in the process. I don't mind depriving a faceless Govt. of a few duckets but would never takes from the mouth of a struggling family their daily bread. I believe in and try to practice as often as possible, the do unto others as you would have them do unto you principle.
That's enough about me. This should give you just enough insight to be able to formulate an understanding of the prose that you will soon subject yourself to. If additional reference material becomes required, I'll offer it up at that time.
Finally this morning, it is Sunday after all, let's discuss the rules:
I have been tasked with the mission to convey what is essentially a very boring fact based chronology of how I got from there to here. If I didn't give a damn, I'd present a bullet point list of everything I remember and be done with it. That, however, is not not really me and certainly not what you all want. To pull this off without having people throwing themselves out of second floor cabana windows or consuming all of the local alcohol that I so much crave and need, I will be taking certain liberties on this journey.
I will avoid like the plague recounting all of those step by step how to apply for residency and other similar topics that are covered elsewhere here on DR1. This will not be a "How to Run away & Hide for Dummies" manual. The subject matter that I choose to include will be true...for the most part. I reserve the right to use all of an author's tricks to keep you captivated and interested otherwise I am just wasting our collective time together. I will employ satire, pathos and irony to name a few. I will and reserve the right to embellish anything and everything. You are free to draw your own conclusions, but I strongly caution you against accepting what you read as the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. By way of illustration, there is a big difference between "he is a pedophile" and "he likes little girls". One does not necessarily equal the the other, although they could and the conclusion one draws from the latter, one does at your own peril.
You may not take umbrage at my spelling mistakes especially with Spanish words. You may not critique my grammar or the fact that I change tenses and perspective on a whim. I will not turn this into a 3rd party tome or a first person narrative. I will work for as long as I feel inclined to do so. I work for Baileys, coffee and smokes, feel free to drop any or all off with my agent whose address I will be provided upon request. This story is far from over. Each day brings me new material and new insight. I am not an expert in all things Dominican and I am learning as I go, just like all of you have done and are doing to this day. While there is a start and part of a middle there is no end in sight. Please do not expect that at sometime in the future there will be a grand reveal that make everything right with the world and leave you with an understanding of our place in it.
I have a plan in accepting this assignment. The details of which are not important at this point. Depending on how it goes I'll refine or cancel this plan all together. I welcome your comments after my posts. Please keep in mind this is my story. It's all about me. When I choose to include you, I do so because it serves my purposes. Please remember and take to heart the immortal words (sort of) of Jack Webb, "My name is Friday. The stories and people you are about to see and meet are true, their names may or may not have been changed to protect the innocent or the guilty." Always keep in mind as I said above, these events are based on fact. However, any resemblance to actual people that you might someday come to know is intentional but in no way should you accept what I write as an accurate reflection of them, their actions, feelings, personality or character.
Finally, I must proclaim that I seem to be most content when I am complaining about something. If you detect a morose or noir'ish slant from time to time, just accept it for what it is and try not to attribute it to anything other than alliteration and a story telling. There will be good, bad and the ugly, not necessarily in equal proportions.
This train departs soon. Should I stop now or is there sufficient interest for me to carry on now that you have an ideal of what you are in for?