Groaners

Britney Spears admitted she actually had sex with Justin Timberlake, "breaking her vow of no sex before marriage..." she may still do commercials though, for Pepsi... not Cherry Pepsi, just Pepsi...

They think this kind of stuff is funny in the South Pacific...

When Captain Cook arrived in the friendly islands of Tonga he was treated to a royal reception by the King. The King and Cook got along famously. When it was time for Captain Cook to depart, as a special gift, he gave the King one of his oak chairs from his elaborate cabin as a throne. The chair almost was a throne; padded satin seat, rather heavy construction with arms and all.

Well, thereafter the King sat on his throne discussing his state of affairs with his court and high advisors and, of course, they had to sit on the ground and look up at him. It was not very long before the King sensed a tide of resentment from his chosen men. The word "discontent" was an understatement. His court was furious! Soth King took his beautiful throne and stored it overhead in the rafters of his Kingly grass shack.

A few months later, a hurricane raged across Tonga and the beautiful, heavy-built oak throne fell from the rafters and lethally bonked the King on his noggin. Good bye King!

The moral to this story is ....... Kings who live in grass houses should not stow thrones!

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"

The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."

"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"

The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an
explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled,
it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4, but you can come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."

The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"

"Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit 'round and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that."

And If You Want to Spin A Shaggy Dog Story for Your Friends ...

On The Train

Here's a potted one for you to embellish before you toss the idea around among other DR1'ers after a long Dominican Day and a few Presidentes ... Tom

A young Scout was travelling on a long train trip across Canada. Sitting across from him was an older man, very neatly and precisely dressed. Across his knees he carried a briefcase upon which he nervously drummed his fingers. Since he looked to be rather an angry sort of man, the boy didn't like to start a conversation.

Presently the man opened the briefcase and took out two paper napkins, a pocket knife and an apple. Carefully he peeled and cored the apple. He placed all the peelings on one of the two napkins and folded it into a neat parcel. Then he moved his briefcase to one side, stood up, and walked to the end of the coach. By craning his neck, the boy was able to watch him move out onto the little platform at the end of the car and throw the parcel of peel onto the tracks.

When the man returned he dusted his hands, sat down and lifted the briefcase back up across his knees. He picked up the peeled and cored apple, carefully cut it into thin slices, placed the slices onto the second napkin and made a similar neat parcel. To the boy's amazement he then repeated his routine. He moved to the end of the coach and threw the parcel on the line. When he returned, he picked up his briefcase, took out two more napkins and an orange which he began to peel...

(Now you spin out the story, having the man take all kinds of fruit, one at a time, from his case, peel each piece and throw away first the peel and then the fruit itself)

At last the young Scout could contain himself no longer and simply had to ask the man what he was doing.

"I'm making a fruit salad," said the man.

"Then why do you keep throwing it away?" the boy asked.

"I should think that was obvious," snapped the man. "I'm throwing it away because I don't like fruit salad!"