Virginity

blong · Mar 9, 2004

In a different thread in this forum, Angel2fire talked about being a virgin until her wedding night.

It seems to be me that this is such an antiquated notion. I really question the value in it. Forget the fact that a lot of women (including Domincan women) claim to be virgins but aren't. Supposing that a woman truly doesn't have sex until marriage; Is that a good thing? Especially if like Angel2fire you are already theoretically in your mid twenties. It just seems more than a little strange to be close to 30 by the time you have sex. She said that sex was not the most important thing in a relationship (which is itself debatable) but by not having sex, wouldn't you really be placing more emphasis on it than if you treated it as if it were not that important and went and did it more often (or at all)? In today's environment, can a woman who marries -at any age- under the impression that sex is a sacred gift really let go of that attitude and just have crazy wild sex with her husband? Today, isn't the idea that "no one has deflowered me, therefore I am more valuable as a bride" really backward and sexist? I know the church has influenced the DR greatly in terms of the people's view on this subject, but even the church seems to be trying to loosen its view on sex in general.

Any thoughts on this? I don't know maybe this should be in the debate forum.

zx7jimbo · Mar 9, 2004

Virgin? Who? What? Where? Call me. haha

Criss Colon · Mar 9, 2004

You obviously don't live in the DR!

Or have much sexual experience either!
Did you know that the "Parade of The Virgins" was cancelled in Santo Domingo this year???
One was sick,and the otherone refused to march alone!!!
Do you know the definition of a "Virgin" in the Dominican Republic??
An ugly 5th grader,who can't outrun her father

:laugh: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

lalla · Mar 9, 2004

Criss Colon said:
Or have much sexual experience either!
Did you know that the "Parade of The Virgins" was cancelled in Santo Domingo this year???
One was sick,and the otherone refused to march alone!!!
Do you know the definition of a "Virgin" in the Dominican Republic??
An ugly 5th grader,who can't outrun her father :laugh: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

well i done pissed my pants ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

callik · Mar 9, 2004

blong said:
Today, isn't the idea that "no one has deflowered me, therefore I am more valuable as a bride" really backward and sexist? I know the church has influenced the DR greatly in terms of the people's view on this subject, but even the church seems to be trying to loosen its view on sex in general.

I don't think being particular about who you share your body with is a backward or antiquated way of thinking.Though I wasn't a virgin when I got married and it wasn't necessarily a priority but I did wait until I met the right person.It just so happened that it was 3 months before my 24th birthday and I did end up marrying him (and no I didn't get pregnant).

Amber · Mar 9, 2004

my 2 cents

Virginity is still highly valued in Dominican society, but this is definetly changing.. Thank God!!
The idea is to stroke the male ego. If the woman hasn't had any other sexual partners, then she can't compare and find out just how lousy he really is.

irate:
Girls nowadays are breaking away from this tradition and even parents are learning to look the other way, ignoring the signs of any sexual activity. Unfortunately, many girls are still subjected to strick rules and chaperoning during young adulthood, so find themselves at a loss when faced with the real world. :disappoin

QUALITYGUY1 · Mar 10, 2004

LOL @ Criss Colon!!!! :laugh: :laugh:

I believe I would leave this one to the individual to make their own decision. We can not dictate nor debate the personal morals of another person. IMO, you will get no further than stating your own situationally biased opinions.

It's OK to state your opinion, but remember, everyone is entitled to his/her own. :classic:

Red_Girl · Mar 10, 2004

I agree with lots of these comments - I think that a person should gauge when he or she is ready to have sex. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. It might not be the most important thing, but if it's ... unsatisfying, it can be very destructive. I (personally) think that it is completely reasonable to determine if you are sexually compatible with another person before getting married.

That being said, my roommate and I were just talking about this the other day. We were watching Degrassi - the next generation (where are all the Canadians out there??), and the subject of the show was about a grade eight student having sex. I couldn't believe it. My roommate is a supply teacher in elementary schools, and she confirmed that kids are having sex all the time. She said that there have been several instances in elementary schools (where the oldest students would be 12 or maybe 13) where kids have been caught having sex in the bathrooms (!!!!!!!!!!!). This is up here in tame old Canada-eh!

Is it like this in the DR as well? (to keep this a DR topic)

lalla · Mar 10, 2004

Red_Girl said:
Is it like this in the DR as well? (to keep this a DR topic)

No Red Girl, in DR they start much younger..........

sad but true..........

You have some exceptions, some kids adhere to the values they were taught (and are afraid of the @ss whopping they would get), but for the most part, sex among young kids is like having a beer at lunch......so very common

Red_Girl · Mar 10, 2004

lalla said:
No Red Girl, in DR they start much younger..........

sad but true..........

You have some exceptions, some kids adhere to the values they were taught (and are afraid of the @ss whopping they would get), but for the most part, sex among young kids is like having a beer at lunch......so very common

Wow. That is crazy. I agree with you about the importance of good sex, Lalla - 100%. I do however think that a person should be emotionally mature, or at least mature enough to have the sense to be protected.

Are there a lot of teen pregnancies in the DR? Does the age at which a girl gets her period vary at all (i.e. affected by climate or whatever?)? Am I getting too far off the original topic?

Forbeca · Mar 10, 2004

lalla said:
No Red Girl, in DR they start much younger..........

sad but true..........

You have some exceptions, some kids adhere to the values they were taught (and are afraid of the @ss whopping they would get), but for the most part, sex among young kids is like having a beer at lunch......so very common

Do you mind being more specific? kids having sex younger than 12, 13? and these kids are drinking beer too?

Are you talking about the lower classes? because the kids I know are very well supervised everywhere they go. When teenagers start driving and are giving a bit more freedom then i can understand this happening but not before then.

lalla · Mar 10, 2004

Forbeca said:
Do you mind being more specific? kids having sex younger than 12, 13? and these kids are drinking beer too?

Are you talking about the lower classes? because the kids I know are very well supervised everywhere they go. When teenagers start driving and are giving a bit more freedom then i can understand this happening but not before then.

I def am referring to the lower class, although they are not the exception. I have known my fair share of "supervised" kids that somehow find the time during play time where they start exploring and sexual content comes into "play?"

Everytime I have visited the DR and have met different folks, it never ceases to amaze me how there is a story of the "girl" whos 11 and is una "P*tica....it's a horrible expression, but I have heard it countless times.

Forbeca · Mar 10, 2004

lalla said:
I def am referring to the lower class, although they are not the exception. I have known my fair share of "supervised" kids that somehow find the time during play time where they start exploring and sexual content comes into "play?"

I thought you might be talking about the lower classes.

As far as the supervised kids go, it w/b very hard for them to find time to fool around during playtime with a whole bunch of nuns running around everywhere and you can't leave the premises at all until it's time to get in the family car parked right outside the school.

suarezn · Mar 10, 2004

THe DR is going through a period of sexual liberation, kind of like the US went through in the 60's. When I was a teenager in the DR girls were not nearly as open as they are now. We would have "girlfriends" and we would do everything but the deed. Being a "virgin" was and I think still is pretty important to these girls. They would use all kinds of backdoor ways...if you get my drift...to have sex and still remain a "virgin". Back then the biggest fear was that if you deflowered the girl then you had to marry her. Even in these liberated times I don't think there are a ton of kids younger than 12 that are having sex. I think a lot of girls are losing their virginity around 14-15 years old, due mostly to the permissive attitudes people have towards adults and sex with "minors". A lot of these girls are losing their virginity not to other kids their age, but to older more experienced guys (specially to "DominicanYorks"). A lot of it has to do with parents permitting it to happen, because they think the DominicanYork could provide a good future for the girl.
As for drinking beer, when we were in high school we used to buy beer and put it in empty soda bottles. Put them in a brown bag and drink during recess. Ahhh...the good old times...

zoty · Apr 1, 2004

are u a dominican?

lalla said:
well i done pissed my pants ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE VIRGINITY IN THE D.R.
DDO U LIVE THERE FOR A SEVERAL PERIOD TIME ?
CAL.ATE LA B CA SI NO SABES DEL TEMA

mami · Apr 1, 2004

confused

i find it hard to believe that most girls are having sex at 12 or 13. i was still playing with barbies. maybe i was a late bloomer.

maybe it's a lot of sick older men talking younger girls into it (pedophiles)?

nyc · Apr 1, 2004

mami said:
i find it hard to believe that most girls are having sex at 12 or 13. i was still playing with barbies. maybe i was a late bloomer.

maybe it's a lot of sick older men talking younger girls into it (pedophiles)?

Hi
I understand that hearing this seems highly incredulous to you. However trying to blame pedophilia is not the answer. This trend is not something new nor unique to the DR. I'm an epidemiologist for a suburban county in metropolitan NY and have been browsing DR1 since Jan in preparation for my trip in Feb. Anyway, I felt a need to comment on your response (this is not a personal attack). We see these trends in all socio-economic groups i.e "both lower and higher classes." Of course, this is additionally seen in the incidence and prevalence of STD's in these same age-groups.
There are a significant number of factors that lead to why kids have sex at such an early age. Take a look at the Youth Risk Behavior Survey http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dash/data_stats/index.htm and you'll see only the tip of the iceberg with respect to youth behaviors. These factors include social acceptance, peer-pressure, media, biological and environmental influences (girls are experiencing menustruation and other hormonal changes as early as 8 years in some cases), etc. I am not saying that pedophila does not play a role in when a young boy or girl first experiences intercourse but I am saying that this factor is not the most prevalent reason. I am also not saying that I know the DR and its inherent culture but as I said this trend of intercourse occurring earlier is happening all over the world.

sancochojoe · Apr 1, 2004

uhhh, can we also look at the human factor minus all the social, pshyco, religious hub bub. Humans become sexually active during the ages of 12 and 13 years of age (generally, give and take). The desire is there, the stimulation is there and given the opportunity they will take it. Pick a country.

Social, pshyco, and religious entities are there to help restrict the desire to help maintain civil order within a society. We all know the negatives of what happens to pregnant teenagers in any civil or uncivil society in this day and age, but thats a social issue that does not address the physcal development issue.

So I say, don't be surprise on their behavior. Ideally you want to control those tempations by parents and repectable extended support and hope they out ways those negative temptations from older sexually aggressive teenagers and adults looking to pray on children who are evolving into sexual active human beings before they become productive contributing civil human beings.

Its not a trend, its how humans developed for thousands of years. The only thing that has changed is civil societies who have industrialized and understand the need for people to be much older before engaging in this behavior. PLUS
humans live longer. Human developement and sexual desires are not going to change because society changes. When people lived no longer than 30 years old, someone tell me who is going to wait until they are 25 to have sex. In saying that, by humans living much longer and healthier does not mean that humans are starting to become sexually active at the age of 25 and the strange people are becoming sexually active at 12. Hell no. They will and continue to become sexually active starting at the age of 12 to 13 years of age. Man can't change that unless they start messing with Human DNA.

So put things in perspective. Things are being mixed up by natural human development with Civil and Moral laws, ethics, and culture.

What you see now is the same behavior hundreds and thousands of years ago and mothers and fathers addressed these same issues.

AZB · Apr 2, 2004

mami said:
i find it hard to believe that most girls are having sex at 12 or 13. i was still playing with barbies. maybe i was a late bloomer.

maybe it's a lot of sick older men talking younger girls into it (pedophiles)?

Why is it you automatically believe that older men are molesting younger girls (12, 13 yrs old)? In most barrios is DR the younger boys ages 13, 14, 15 etc are having sex with girls 13, 14, 15 etc. Ask any girl from a barrio and she will tell you she had her first sexual experience at the age of 15 with a kid of 16 yrs old. Its not very common for a girl of 14 yr having sex with a guy in the 40's. Please, get out of your american comfort and see the real world for a change before making such comments.
Regards,
AZB

mami · Apr 2, 2004

AZB said:
Why is it you automatically believe that older men are molesting younger girls (12, 13 yrs old)? In most barrios is DR the younger boys ages 13, 14, 15 etc are having sex with girls 13, 14, 15 etc. Ask any girl from a barrio and she will tell you she had her first sexual experience at the age of 15 with a kid of 16 yrs old. Its not very common for a girl of 14 yr having sex with a guy in the 40's. Please, get out of your american comfort and see the real world for a change before making such comments.
Regards,
AZB

as i read the forum people were complaining about 12 to 13 girls not 15 to 16 year olds. it is much more common all over the world to be interested in sex at 15 to 16 with your own peers. But a 13 year old and under is not usually interested in that (including boys) unless some perve brings them around to it. It is just the truth.

Virginity

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