Advise on living with my mom again!

You are so lucky to have your mom come and live with you in fairly good health. Only if I were that lucky. My mom is in bed, paralyzed from the whole right side (stroke). So feel lucky you will have someone who loves you, so near you in the lonely cities of USA.
I know my mom will never be able to travel again. She loved santiago when she came a few years ago. She told me, it looked just like karachi, pakistan.
So stop worrying and start enjoying quality time with your mom.
AZB

Listen to AZB .... when my Mom was alive, she'd stay with me for periods of time and I really enjoyed talking to her and taking her around "to do her things". Think of all the benefits ... she can screen your calls, help you improve your culinary skills, turn away unwanted suitors, .... etc.

Make the best of it NOW 'cause when she's gone, you'd give anything just to see her smile.

Dearest TALLDRINK: Short answer: You can't. No way.

My dear mother in law spent her last years with us. We built her a house out back, and eventually moved her into our house as things turned downhill. She passed away in my arms....

She was one of those old fashioned women, no doubt. But we loved her and so we sort of just put up with her way of doing things...

This is like that old saw: "If the mountain won't come to Mohammad, then Mohammad will have to go to the mountain."

Get her to take her citizenship classes. Tell her your schedule. If she worked there for 20 years, she certainly knows about schedules...Make sure you are free during your "free periods" and then smother her with grandmotherly things when you have the kids....She'll probably love it. And of course you have Six Flags just down the road..

This will be an experience, but one you can look back on in years to come....

HB

Talldrink said:

....she can be very set in the little girl she left behind ... How do I deal with a THAT!

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Get a high chair and don't spit out the peas and carrots ... she won't change, so you'll have to adapt.

Whatever my Mom said to me, I always replied "Yes Ma".

I have the same situation - my Mom comes to live with me for 10 months a year. She does not realize I am an adult. All of my friends have the same problem - the easiest thing to do is to tell her everything she wants to hear and not argue because it will only cause more problems and will not resolve anything. You cannot change them at this age. Good luck!

seems like the problem is that mom won't like if the daughter comes home at 4am and date different guys in a week's period of time. I think the girls are upset that they will not be able to live a free life they used to living when alone.
AZB

Talldrink mujer let your mom live with you, she is going to be a big help around the house cooking and cleanning that will be the plus in the other side she may try to tell you how to live your life and all you have to say is "yes mom" como tu digas and that's it.

AZB is funny :laugh: My differences with Mom are mostly in child upbringing and ways of cooking. My Mom is very old fashioned and traditional and I prefer to give my child freedom and not feed him as much. Although she does help around the house which is great.

When my Iranian in-laws came to live me, after a couple weeks of coming home from work and trying to be the perfect daughter-in-law, I told my mother-in-law her son hadn't eaten any decent Persian cuisine for 15 years. She took over in the kitchen from that day forward and we had tea for breakfast, lunches and hot meals everday for a year. My house never looked so clean, the dish washer stored potatoes, we all gained weight. My father-in-law walked my daughter to school every morning, picked her up in the afternoon. I surrendered my garden to him and there were rose bushes propagating everywhere, the front garden was full of the most bizarre combinations of flowers and was nominated by the City for a garden prize. The water bill went up but my lawn was perfect. My daughter had the best time with her grandparents who went off to ESL class everyday. I enrolled in three courses that year and my ex-husband had drive the whole family up to pick me up from class as my father-in-law wouldn't have it any other way. I worked fulltime and made the Dean's list with all that support.

Now, mothers and daughters..... mmmm .. that's tough. You have time to prepare for that. Create some space and boundaries and rehearse phrases like "I love Mom, you're the best!" and divert her attention to something else. Be confident in yourself and your achievements and know that despite her criticisms she's really proud of you and the woman you've become. But you'll always be her little girl and you'll never get away from that. Long after she's gone you'll wonder about how she would see you... Buy some books and read them. There's a whole shelf on the topic. Do you have a daughter?.. get ready if you do. I have to bite my tongue all the time.

But really, your children will be so happy to have their Grandmother around and that will change the dynamic a little bit.

Ay Talldrink, patience is what you'll need and lots of love. I know some Dominican mother's can be stubborn and a grouch at times. They'll yell at your kids and yell at you for not being stern enough with them :ermm:. My mom was sweet with my kids, or any kid, she never yelled and didn't want us to yell at the kids or spank them. In one occasion when I was already single she stayed with me for a few weeks and it was uncomfortable for me to go out at night with my friends and leave her in the house and come back late, they frown upon that :ermm:, even if you are 28 or 50 years oldaranoid:..there's a reputation to guard.

Now she's gone and I got to spend with her two wonderful weeks before she passed away of cancer 4 years ago in the DR. I would massage her, give her pedicures sit and hold her hand, I can still feel her soft hand in my mine when I sat with her for the last time as I was waiting for the car to pick me up to take me to the airport, that was the last time I saw her alive. I wished I had done more for her, but one thing I finally got to say to her, even if it was over the phone, was "Te quiero mucho Mama", you know how it is with us, we show the love but we never say those words. (ok now I have a lump in my throat)

So try to understand where she's coming from and try and enjoy the time you are with her.

It's the cycle of life. She took care of you whenn you were an insolent sprout, now you take of her.

I'm going to be doing the same thing with Mom CB. I know she feels so relieved that I have accepted that responsibility to be with her as she enters her twilight years. It is a great comfort to her. I will adjust my lifestyle accordingly. Face it: if a person you're dating cannot accept love youhave for your family with the attendant responsibilities, is he really worth it?

She'll be coming with me Thursday, so many here will get to meet her. She is still full of pi$$ & vinegar at 79. She will be looking at the DR not as a tourist this time, but as someone who may become a resident in the near future.

Talldrink said:

Darn it Mar, now you got me crying. Ok, so I got it. Your post and AZ's put in prespective....

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Yeah, eh?!! Cut that out M.A.R... my sister, I'm blowing my nose and crying like a baby here.

But seriously, do you have caba?as in the USA... because you're going need one!

Busted!

Talldrink said:

Margaret - if he doesnt have his own place... There's no breakfast with Talldrink.

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Of course!aranoid: I've been spending too much time at the Delta Chelsea hotel lately.... during the heatwave... crap... maybe he has a wife. aranoid:

margaret said:

But seriously, do you have caba?as in the USA... because you're going need one!

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Hahahaha, that made me laugh. When my mom and dad were here, I had to sneak out to cabanas once in a while. Even then she would call my cell to ask me where I was, telling me the food is getting cold on the table and etc. I would tell her, I had late patients coming and and I had to work late.

I guess the relationship between mom and son is different than relationship between mom and daughter. Sons just love to have their moms around. My mom used to cook and clean for me 24/7 in santiago. They stayed for a month and believe me, the month went by fast.
AZB