for those who have successfully brought their Dominican to their country.

My husband, Dominican, and I met in 2004 and married in 2005. He arrived in Canada in the summer of 2005 and spoke next to no English (we communicated and still do to a certain extent by Spanish as it is more comfortable since it was how things were when we met). My husband and I lived with my parents in their basement apartment for the first 1.5 years and my husband went to English school for the first nine months. He was dying to work but my family and I kept encouraging him to learn as much as he could as it would take him farther in a country where Spanish is not widespread. He had a college education in the DR and had gone to trade school to be an electrician. He started working almost a year after arriving here and started making almost $20/hr., had benefits, pension, etc.

Now 2.5 years after he has been here, he has his driver's licence (something he had to study for, again attend school - mostly with people 15 years his junior as most people in Canada get their licence when they are 16), is making $24/hr. with the same company who he started with over a year ago, we bought a house last year 20 minutes from downtown Toronto and just purchased land in the Dominican Republic for our future. In the next year we hope to start a family, neither of us having any children from past relationships, and we are fortunate enough to visit family in New York and DR at least a few times per year since my husband has been here. My family has been so accepting of my husband and my parents love him like their own son.

My husband and I have grown so much as a couple since he has been here... he has learned English to a point that I can no longer believe he never spoke the language, he can find his way in the largest city in Canada and he works his butt off to contribute to our joint income.

My husband and I have met or know well many Canadian/Dominican couples and contrary to what you read on this site, there are just as many very successful marriages/immigration stories as bad ones. All of the Dominicans we know work their butts off, some in underpaid jobs and others with extremely successful careers, but they don't complain and they have done what is necessary to survive here without complaint. Of course we have met some losers (pardon the expression) that have left their wife or husband within the first year of arriving to Canada and who do little to hold down a job but we know far more with stories like ours. In every country and every culture you will find the good and bad.

It takes work in helping each other, especially the first year, with home sickness, cultural differences, language differences, etc. but I am so in love with the man I married that I could never ever consider it a burrden and I have learned so much about so many things from him that every day together is a journey.

I too had a bad Domincan relationship once upon a time but mostly on this site you only hear about the bad stories and I wish everyone could realize that there are probably so many more successful stories out there than everyone realizes.

I wish all the best to anyone marrying a Dominican and that they have taken the time to get to know both their spouse and their spouse's family (which is of central importance to your marriage). If everyone who married someone from the DR was as lucky as I am, their future only holds the best.

P.s.

I was not able to edit my original post but wanted to add....

There have been hard days too... like having someone miss their family and friends so much and not knowing how to make them feel like tomorrow will be a happier day (thankfully by now those days are very few), feeling bad that your spouse has to go back to school with those much younger after having been in the workforce for a number of years, spending less on other things so we have enough for long-distance to the DR and money for for trips to see family, feeling helpless when your spouse is lonely because Canadians are used to coming home from work and staying in-doors all night, etc.

And thankful days everyday... when I feel like my husband is truly happy here in my home country, loves me and my family and now feels at home in Canada!

honeybunch, note that in this success story the fellow has a trade and is college educated. He was not a sankie (oops, I mean dancer) in a hotel. I know of many more sad stories than success stories. Some of the greatest success stories reported on this site, even those that you've read, turned into nightmares as time went on.

It is not an easy thing to move a man to a country where he is going to be at a loss at least for some years. My own relationship, strong, long-standing went through tough times when I moved to my husband's country.

Has anyone mentioned Hillbilly's three rules to you?

Hello

honeybunch said:

hello
i would like to here from people who have brought there dr men and women to there country. Did it work out? still together? whats challenging? did you make a mistake? I would love to here how many have turned out to be great!
thanks for those who wish to share. You can PM me if u dont want to post publicly.

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I'll try to keep this short. I met my Dominicana in 2002. Shortly thereafter got her in the family way. I went there for vacations and to chase women only whether as gf or to pay. My wife knows this now but not at that time. I didn't want to get married or have a family. I had DNA done because I was trying to be a coward about the whole thing and escape it. She spoke basic english when I met her. The whole time, I liked her but didn't want to settle down. Anyways, I was raised to take care of your responsibilities/children so I did the paperwork and finally got them here in 2004. We had challenges. We argued about phone calls and her homesickness. Plus where we live outside of Detroit are only Mexicans/Central Americans and are totally different than her culture and they generally all live together in what is called Mexicantown.

I like homecooked meals and she gets hankerings for Yucca, Mangoes, etc and was shocked when she saw prices of the fruits here at Meijers. Some food she can't find that she wants. I had to show her how to cook roasts, and various other things that she had never done before. She learned a lot of english by watching television and listening to music. She sometimes wants to help out her family but we can't short ourselves to help out her family. When we visit, she wants to take everything under the sun, wants to send packages, etc but we have compromised. She is isn't very thrifty about saving money, likes to buy on whims and wants the kids to always have top of the line clothes. She has her permanent residence card, just got it and is valid for 10 years I believe. She will try for her citizenship in a little while. She obtained a driver's license but she scares the h.ll out of me with her aggressive driving. But the good things outweigh the negative. She's a great mother, wife, and she works to help buy the clothes for the boys and herself and for trips, and the occasional package/money sent to her family. Our phone bill has went from about 200 a month in the first year to about 80 a month now. I now wouldn't trade her for all the ones I used to chase but there is a difference between lust and love. I have lusted for many in the past, but only love 1 now. We have two boys now and are expecting our third. I would have been a fool to not have her and our children now in my life. MIne has worked out but just as many haven't. Love and life isn't a game, I realized that the hard, long way. Don't know if this helps or not. What gets me is that she has said, she wants to die before me because she doesn't want to see me go and have to live after that. She is a special woman.
dale7 (Howard)

As Dale has said, there are definitely more differences that come up in a marriage between two people raised in totally different countries and cultures than there are in a marriage between two people who were raised in the same country or with the same set of circumstances. Everyone I know who has brought a Dominican spouse to Canada has had their hard days. A large number of the people who I know who have successful relationships spent more than just a few weeks getting to know their spouse. I was fortunate enough to be living in the country when I met my husband and so we made the decision together to move to Canada (at the time he had plans to move to Spain on a work visa where his mom and three sisters live). I know that meeting someone on a holiday is romantic and fun and you feel so special, etc. but I cannot stress enough how important it is to get to really know someone and their family. That's not to say that everyone who works at a resort as some have suggested are sankies but it's harder to assess your compatibility when you meet on a one week vacation and only spend a few hours per day together.

The exception not the rule...

Fiesta Mama, I am so happy that everything has worked out for you and I sincerely wish you nothing but future happiness. However, in my opinoin, you are the exception rather than the "rule". Most of these relationships, especially where the first living together experience is in another country, do not work out and often ends in emotional and financial ruin, on a large scale- and mostly for the non-Dominican, I might add. I'd hate to see this happen to HoneyB or anyone else. The best advice that I have received and passed on is "go live there for at least 6 months to a year". Then you will reallly know what you have gotten yourself into while you can still get out. Good luck Amigas.

honeybunch said:

i read through the successful stories, but some of them are from 2005 so i am looking to here how things are two years later.
im not planning on bringing him here at this moment......we are getting to know each other. im just curious to see if these men or women left there husbands and wifes after getting there visas to the country or if they are still happily together.

i would NOT pay for the papers either!! and i will proceed very slowly with getting to know him.

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That is where you are wrong. You will pay - we all did. He will never be able to make enough money working in a hotel to pay for all the costs associated to get PR in Canada and travel costs to get him physically to Canada. You will pay - for PR, the wedding, the trip, and everything else for that matter. Then when he gets here, you will continue to pay and possibly support his family in the DR while having to take care of him like a grown up child. The man you know in the DR, all confident, sexy and romantic will not be the same man anymore. He will leave his spirit in the DR and become totally dependent on you for EVERYTHING while resenting you at the same time. He may even depressed and home sick, not wanting to work or go to school. He will expect you to take care of him as if you are his Mother and wait for you to come home from work to cook for him. I could go on and on but I'm sure you don't beleive any of this. I didn't either, and I'm sure there are many others who can say the same and paid the price. If you are serious about this man, then go to the DR, live there for at least 6 months, and you will know for sure what you are getting yourself into. You may think that you can't afford to do it but is it much cheaper than the realistic scenario that I described above. Again, buena suerte!

Nelly said:

The best advice that I have received and passed on is "go live there for at least 6 months to a year". Then you will reallly know what you have gotten yourself into while you can still get out. Good luck Amigas.

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I could not agree more. I know 100% for sure that if I had not lived in the country and with my husband before we were married, our marriage would not be the success that it is today. You need to learn about Dominicans and their culture in order to understand where your husband/wife is coming from once they are in Canada. Knowing how they lived there and what their lifestyle was will prepare you for how things will be once they are here. If they are the type to go to clubs every night, drink a lot, are a womanizer, don't want to work, have their mother, sister, cousin wait on them hand and foot, etc. then don't think they are going to be a different person in Canada because it will be the same. Also, living in the country will allow you to learn Spanish... if you immerse yourself. Although I still don't think I am the exception to the rule as my husband and I know so many couples here that are happy, I do think there is a large percentage of these marriages that don't work out. Also, like Nelly said, no matter how much your husband/boyfriend, whatever makes in the DR, it will likely not be enough to get through the PR process to get them to Canada. Then don't forget that if they don't speak very good English (as was the case with my husband) you need to be able to make enough to support them going to school until they are settled and ready to earn a living in Canada. Again I was lucky in that my husband had a skill from his country AND that my family were extremely supportive in helping him adjust, find a job, etc.

Eyes wide shut

A lot of good advice on here. My wife actually both gave up a lot and gained a lot coming to Canada. Being well educated and having her own business, the first thing she did upon reaching Canada was take ESL Classes, then College classes, then Business courses, computer courses...etc. Having left her business in the hands of people she trusted, she lost quite a bit of money due to dishonest employees and incompetent acountant. She was allowed to take a leave of absence from her work here in Canada, due to her great work record. Got her business straightened out, several employees gone without severance. Yes, the first year had some difficulties due to culture shock, homesickness...etc. Now she drives through snowstorms, can't wait for it to cool down, complains about the weather, just like a Canadian. We have been to many resorts and she has had many conversations with Sankies. Trust me, most are not even ashamed to admit they have 5-6 girls on a string.

Honeybunch

I brought my husband to Canada he has been here for almost 3 months and it is a lot of work. you can pm me if you have questions.

Dominicans can not be classified as a one-size-fits all, and all guys/girls the same attitude, customs...etc. Some are from good family backgrounds, some bad family backgrounds, some are honest and hardworking, some are not, but in general those that befriend foreign tourists are after something-an easier life, money, ...etc. It is rare, I think, for them to be attracted to the foreigner because of their looks, personality...etc. So think long and hard before you make a decision that can adversely affect the rest of your life. The first time I visited my now wife, I watched very carefully her interaction with the people in her family, community...etc. When I saw the respect that she gave to everyone, regardless of their status, and the way people greeted her, as well as me when she introduced me, was very telling of the type of person she was. Regardless of the feeling between your legs pay attention to the little hints that your brain gives you that there might be problems ahead.

honeybunch said:

hello
i would like to here from people who have brought there dr men and women to there country. Did it work out? still together? whats challenging? did you make a mistake? I would love to here how many have turned out to be great!
thanks for those who wish to share. You can PM me if u dont want to post publicly.

Click to expand...

Not my own personal experience Honeybunch but this past weekend here in NY, I took my daughter to a park in Staten Island (where we live) and got into a conversation with a woman sitting on a bench while her 2 boys played. I later found out that she was born in Puerto Plata and was shocked to hear that, like my daughter, her boys did not speak Spanish. Huh? I though? That's funny b/c she had quite a Spanish accent. Well, her husband is American and met her more than 10 years ago in DR and brought her over.

We talked for more than an hour and based on this conversation she seemed like a very decent woman/wife/mother/person. The only "issue" I gathered they seemed to have is that he wants to retire to DR and she doesn't b/c she wants her boys educated here.

Hope you find this relevant.

The best advice that I have ever been given and shared on this subject is that if you are considering a serious relationship with your DDD, then go and live there for at least 6 months. It might not even take that long to see the person for who they are and to see if you can work through the challenges of a cross-cultural relationship.

In my situation, I have a daughter so I could not leave or take her away from the rest of her family. Our only option, when things became serious, was to get married and for him to come to Canada as Dominicans are most often declined for Visitor's Visas.

We were married in June 2003, he came to Canada in Sept 2004 and went back home 6 weeks later. He returned to Canada for one more try in February 2005 for another 6 weeks and back to the DR he went leaving all the debt for the trips, the wedding, his visa, telephone bills, etc., etc. for me to bear alone. After struggling for several months, I was forced into bankruptcy.

Hopefully, someone will take something from my experience that will help them. I really don't think that had I lived near or even with my ex for a significant amount of time that I would be able to get past the cultural barriers especially as a strong, independent woman. If you are going to sacrifice anything ie. your job, your money, your credit, etc...try to make sure that there are equal sacrifices on his part - you shouldn't be the one to carry all the risk - and don't make excuses for him that his is poor or doesn't not have opportunities. If he really loves you he will do whatever it takes - just like you would for him.

Nelly...thank you for sharing your experience. I dont know much about this topic but from your posts you seem like an amazing and strong person. All the best to you!

Nelly said:

The best advice that I have ever been given and shared on this subject is that if you are considering a serious relationship with your DDD, then go and live there for at least 6 months. It might not even take that long to see the person for who they are and to see if you can work through the challenges of a cross-cultural relationship.

Our only option, when things became serious, was to get married and for him to come to Canada as Dominicans are most often declined for Visitor's Visas.

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Thank you Nelly, that is the best advice anyone can give because even staying a month at a time in the DR isn't enough to really know someone or experience the everyday routine of being a couple.

AnnaC said:

Thank you Nelly, that is the best advice anyone can give because even staying a month at a time in the DR isn't enough to really know someone or experience the everyday routine of being a couple.

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I agree - you can keep up an 'act' for a month or so but after 6 you should get to see their real colours and all that life living together has to offer.

You sound like an incredibly strong woman - I wish you all the best for the future

Daydream