Blonde Jokes

[Chopical]

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and Blonde?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Q: What's the difference between Blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.

Q: What's the difference between Blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

Q: How do you give Blonde more headroom?
A: Adjust the steering wheel.

Q: Why did Blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow the horn.

Q: Why does Blonde wear panties?
A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: What is the difference between Blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: How does Blonde turn on the lights after having sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: What did Blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: What's Blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: How does Blonde part their hair?
A: By doing the splits.

 

[XanaduRanch]

Here's One I received Today ...

"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He sighs, takes her hand and gently says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then?

Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

 

[beachcomber]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handy-woman and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch," he said," How much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about ?50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realise that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She -should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"

"No. I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the 'dumb blonde' joke emails we've been receiving."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the ?50.00 and handed it to her.......

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Mercedes "

 

[beachcomber]

A BLONDE, a brunette and a redhead are stranded on a desolate island.

One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

 

[drvuswld]

A blond girl moved to New York with her family. One day at work it starts to snow. So she calls her father and says, "Dad, I'm afriad to drive home in the snow". So the father replies, "Wait for a snow plow and follow it home."

So the blonde goes out, gets in her car, and when she sees a snow plow come by, she starts to follow it.

After about 30 minutes, the snow plow stops. The snow plow operator walks back to her car, he tells her, "I'm finished with the Walmart parking lot, I'm doing the K-Mart lot next and you're welcome to follow."