* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all
night! I finally had to let her out.
* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you
comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever
finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The
thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night,
only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it
the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the
estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
* I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still
confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,
so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What
did I tell you?"
* A doctor has a stethoscope on a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how
do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man
get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little
dinner, you know?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought
here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish
fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the
one that's working!"
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
* Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
* I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work
he's out of.
Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!
night! I finally had to let her out.
* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you
comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever
finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The
thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night,
only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it
the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the
estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
* I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still
confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,
so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What
did I tell you?"
* A doctor has a stethoscope on a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how
do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man
get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little
dinner, you know?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought
here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish
fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the
one that's working!"
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
* Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
* I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work
he's out of.
Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!