Racism & dating dominican women.

[carl ericson70]

Greetings all,
I'm a 26 year old american man engaged to a dominican woman,whom most people assume is a native black.Ok..I would really appreciate some advice or input or from other white guys(americans or europeans),who're involved with dominican women.Particularly the racial implications of dating or marrying the darker among them,who look more black.

Here's my delima:This is the first time I've ever been involved involved with a black woman and I'm finding the waters a tad bit difficult at times.I'm basicly the only one in my entire family who is in a mixed relationship and to be honest-my parents are petrified at the prospects of black ancestry being introduced into the family tree.Two of my uncles have actually disowned me,yada yada yada.

Outside of relatives- I've recieved some really threatening looks from black men,when I'm with my girl.I guess because they assume I'm taking one of their women.Not to mention stank comments & hostile stares from white women.It's like"dude couldn't get a white girl,so he had to settle for a black one".From white guys,I get called a"ni__er lover"on average about once a week.

Within my relationship,I sware,it's been one hell of a learning experience.That goes for the both of us!My girlfriend,who is about sammmy sosas complexion,with african type hair,yet, isn't accustomed to thinking of herself as a black woman,anywhere close to the context that most americans typically do.So she's learing that more than likely she'll be precieved a black woman.Also that one's color still means alot in american society.

On my part I've learned a whole heap of alot about dominican people and culture from her.

your thoughts or opinions would be apprecoiated!

Carl ericson

 

[LUDUS]

Interracial dating

I'm a white american guy and I've dated black american girls in the US and black dominican girls in the DR but never exactly your experience - also I'm 44. From my perspective the racial comments and reactions in the US are much much lower now than 20 years ago. US understanding of race is entirely different from the DR (where race attitudes are similar to Brazil). My experience in the US is that white guy/ black girl couples are less harassed that black guy/white girl couples. My experience was somewhat different because I was with US black girls and I could defer to their judgment about their folk- you have the fascinating situation of a girlfriend who is seen as black but knows nothing about US perceptions black or white. Family reactions are usually tempered by the details of the partner - if she has other selling points they'll eventually come around. If you don't get a kick out of the learning experience and reactions then it's not that easy. I kind of enjoy that stuff.

 

[Larry]

Carl

I am a white American and a few years ago I was going out with a girl from Trinidad. She wasn't even that black looking she was more Indian looking. Anyway, I expected some negative reaction but I was really surprised at how much I got from my friends and family. I made the mistake of taking her to my friends wedding. Everyone in the hall was white except for her. I tought it wouldnt be that big of a deal but I could feel the coolness in the room toward us. The two of us also went on a cruise to Bermuda. As you would expect, 99% of the passengers were white. Everywhere we went on the ship, people looked funny at us. She was probably the best girlfriend I ever had but after close to a year I decided to break it off. It was just too awkward trying to socialize with anyone. I felt strange around white people, black people, whoever. If you love the girl and are willing to put up with the bullshit you encounter then I suggest you just stay with her and deal with it. Otherwise, break it off.

Larry

 

[AnnaC]

Larry that is such a shame. She could have been the love of your life. Anyways did anyone say anything to you in your face? I sometimes wonder if people project what they themselves think others may be thinking and in reality not many people actually give a hoot.

Just a thought.

 

[XanaduRanch]

Do a Search ...

... for "XanaduRanch Race Black" or something similar and you should find several threads where I have expressed my opinions and experiences.

I was married to a black woman in the United States for fifteen years. My second wife, Alba, is Dominican. But she is lighter complected and we live here in the D.R. We've been together for 2-1/2 years and will be celebrating our 2nd Anniversary in March.

Tom (aka XR)

 

[kronos]

Where do you live?

From white guys,I get called a"ni__er lover"on average about once a week.

That's pretty harsh!! I don't know where you live, but I'm an American white guy living in New York and I have dated Dominican women of different complexions here without ever hearing anything like what you posted. It sounds like you're situated in an awfully intolerant environment.

And I'm sorry to bring this to your attention, but if you're strugling with the "racial implications of dating or marrying the darker among them", then IMHO you're not ready yourself for that kind of relationship.:ermm:

 

[AZB]

If you marry an african race than most likely you will have children with african features and with bad curly hair. No one in dominican repulic is proud of that. They all seem to look down upon those types.
Don't get me wrong, I am not white nor I am african but I do know what i am talking about. I live in DR and i have paid my dues.
Dominicans are extremely racist (atleast in santiago area). If you have African features and have curly hair, you are doomed for life. They consider african featured person a low classed chopo. You will never be accepted in the society and will always be considered a moreno. These morenos never get a break in life unless they are well connected in the political arena. Dominicans look down upon morenos. You must have a fair complexion and straight hair to be accepted in the society.
So my friend, why do you think she is the only womna left for you in this country? There are many fair complexion straight haired women in this island. Why make your life difficult? get yourself a whiter dominican woman and make everyone easy.
have a nice day.
regards
AZB

 

[Jersey Devil]

Hi

First of all Good Luck.

If you really need the approval of your friends and family,
you may have your answer right there.
If I loved the girl and wanted to spend the rest of my
life with her, and had to do it on my own I would.

A Romantic?

JD

 

[Daniel W.]

You certainly live in an "unenlightened" environment; wow!

Your negative social interactions are unlikely to get better with time if you remain in your present location... You must decide if the woman you are dating is worth all the stress such a relationship is causing you. If not, and you enjoy Dominicanas in general, you might want to begin dating another more "socially acceptable" colored Dominicana, as AZB describes!

I would definitely take issue with my family; sounds like they are real charming people... I wouldn't be surprised if they are good Christian hypocrites. Tell your mom and dad that you merely want to "mejorar la raza", by applying Mendelian genetics; it works for plants and animals, and even homo sapiens... Do tell uncles Clyde and Billy Bob to $%?$ off while you're at it too. Get a tome by George Hayduke or the ilk, and apply some of the techniques outlined. Your uncles deserve the proverbial red carpet treatment!!!

Unfortunately racism exists. I've always enjoyed dating Latinas, Orientals and other women who differ than my own Anglo/Teutonic heritage. I married a Dominicana, and although she is darker skinned, she is slim and very pretty with "causanian facial characteristics" and straight hair. I don't really see the racism where I live in Italy, although racism is definitely here in sunny Italy. My situation is definitely different than yours, and it's sad there are such ignorant and unloving people where you are living...

Best wishes to you!

Daniel W.

 

[Larry]

Larry that is such a shame. She could have been the love of your life. Anyways did anyone say anything to you in your face? I sometimes wonder if people project what they themselves think others may be thinking and in reality not many people actually give a hoot.

Just a thought.

Trust me Anna, it was not in my mind. I pretended not to notice but she felt it too and mentioned it to me first. And, yes someone said something to my face, my family did. They told me it wouldn't work, to reconsider going out with this girl...you know. I didn't break up with her because other people wanted me too, I did because I knew I would never marry her and the fact that we were different races made things awkward in social situations. If I truly loved her, I would have stayed with her. I know down the road, when I am permanently in the DR, I will wind up living with a Dominican girl. When that happens, I dont care if she is white, black or purple, I will be with her because I want to be. But the situation I described to you was at a point in my life and in a setting where it was not worth the aggravation to me. Like I said to the poster with the original question, if he loves her and thinks she is worth it, stay with her.
Larry

 

[Criss Colon]

The only opinion that matters is yours!!

Meaning,You,and her!

AZB is not a Geneticist,by any means!! You cannot "predict" the "color of your future children.

My first wife was Thai,my "New" wife is Dominicana,brown complexion.

I have one son with my Thai wife,one son and one daughter with my Dominican wife,and a daughter on the way any day!

They may be the most beautiful children on the Planet!!!

You need to get over your attitude that people even care who you are,or who you are with.If they do have a "problem",it's their problem,not yours!!!!

The "Road" of inter-racial,inter-cultural marriage is not the smoothest way to travel,but don't make it more difficult by looking for problems.

"Racism" exists everywhere,thumb your nose at "IT"!
Cris Colon

 

[kunky]

after reading your story carl, the only question you should be asking yourself is am i strong enough to take the heat? id doesnt matter as to where you live, travel, etc, there will always be bigoted ignorant a**holes who will either make comments or give you looks of disapproval. who cares? if you love this person, and they make you feel good and youre in love, be strong and hold your stand. this is not a civilized, non-racist world we live in. there are people out there who frown upon every color, style, disability, anything that may not be considered "normal" to them. f*** them. im married to a north american indian, and let me tell you native women up here where i live, right off the reserve hate blond petite women. its all in what you;'ll tolerate, and ignore. if the person you love is worth it, suck up the insults. and be the better person you are. your happiness is what is important.

 

[katty]

I agree with Criss

I am from Ireland. Blonde, green eyes. I met a dominican man 3 yrs ago I 44 he 32, we had a very short long dis. relationship, I was going every month now I have sinced moved there (Hiquey), I do not keep him or him keep me.He takes very good care of me I do not have to work. But the DR chicks don't like the fact that I am with him and I feel the fact I am white. I will post a pic in media gallery if any one want to see lol

 

[Ken]

Since you are engaged, it must mean you have plans to marry. What are your plans afterward? Is there some absolutely compelling reason why you must remain in your present biggoted environment? Any reason why you can't begin your married life in a new location/environment?

 

[carl ericson70]

Ummm~

AZB,
I agree with you that most dominicans are extremely racist and don't think highly of black features,which many of them have,to some extent.

Ummmm! I gather that there's a color & caste pecking order going on in the DR,that's so thoroughly women into the culture,that there's little to no hope that it will ever change.When you think about it this is always going to be something that holds the DR back and keeps it in a third world status. it surely won't become a sweden or switzerland no time this century,due to a minority controling most of the wealth.

Anyways,on some of your other comments about not dating dark skinned dominicans,I disagree.I mean,I know that it would be 100 times more socially acceptable for me to date/marry a white/light dominican gal,but here's the thing:I'm madly attracted to black women,these days much more so than white women.

Plus,furthermore,the light,white,or near-white elite of latin america are a huge turn-off to me and I don't see myself being with women of that ilk.Uhhh! I like em brown skinned,tight waist,big butt,braids,down-to-earth etc..I like black facial features also.Plus,I don't plan on ever living in the DR!

Take care!
Carl

 

[carl ericson70]

Larry

Larry,
Greetings! I think that I can relate to why you had to break it off with the lady from trinidad.I'm sure it hurt,but it was probablyf or the best,in the long run.

carl

 

[carl ericson70]

Ludus

Ludus wrote"I've dated black american girls in the US and black dominican girls in the DR but never exactly your experience - also I'm 44. From my perspective the racial comments and reactions in the US are much much lower now than 20 years ago.

I agree! It's a whole heck of alot easier crossing the color line in the u.s. these days,than it was 20 or 30 years ago(in most of the country anyways).I currently live in the south,you see,which is not only economically behind the north,but also lagging in race relations & tolerance etc..Lol! in case you're wondering,I do plan on getting out of this place soon and moving somewhere on the east coast- like maryland or new jersey etc..

"US understanding of race is entirely different from the DR (where race attitudes are similar to Brazil). My experience in the US is that white guy/ black girl couples are less harassed that black guy/white girl couples"

You know,I think you're correct! I actually have some black male/white female e-buddy couples,that I talk to on the net and they've some horror stories to share.Some of them have been married for over 20 years,so............

take care!
carl e.

 

[sancochojoe]

AZB is more interested in the Shock an AWE post just to get people hyped up.

Your culture is very much tanted like any other culture. Take a look in your markets in the region you come from with all the skin bleaching creams. So it sounds more like your not proud of who you are. So being you probably had a history of being the victim, you have become the victimizer.

Let me post something many of you have and have not read, written by willie lynch in 1712. Since Dominican republic was a slave nation like all the Islands in El Caribe. I suggest in particular AZB needs to read it so he can understand why people of color may show forms of self hate, and it's not as simple as, "I just dont like my color" Or my "Bad" hair. I could proof much evidence just on the topic of what is considered bad hair to the point where we might see AZB walking around with Dread Locks.
But here is a famous quote that many Blacks especially Africans Americans are aware of, and why they continue to hold on their fight for equal treatment and Perception.


Written by Willie Lynch, 1712

Gentlemen:

I greet you here on the bank of the James River in the year of Our Lord one thousand seven hundred and twelve. First, I shall thank you The Gentlemen of the Colony of Virginia for bringing me here. I am here to help you solve some of your problems with slaves. Your invitation reached me on my modest plantation in the West Indies where I have experimented with some of the newest and still oldest methods for control of slaves. Ancient Rome would envy us if my program is implemented. As our boat sailed south on the James River, named for our illustrious King, whose version of the Bible we cherish, I saw enough to know that your problem is not unique. While Rome used cords of wood as crosses for standing human bodies along its old highways in great numbers, you are here using the tree and the rope on occasion.

I caught the whiff of a dead slave hanging from a tree a couple miles back. You are not only losing valuable stock by hanging, you are having uprisings, slaves are running away, your crops are sometimes left in the field too long for maximum profit, you suffer occasional fires, your animals are killed, gentlemen, you know what your problems are; I do not need to elaborate. I am not here to enumerate your problems, I am here to introduce you to a method of solving them.

In my bag here, I have a fool proof method for controlling Black Slaves. I guarantee everyone of you that if installed correctly, it will control the slaves for at least 300 years. My method is simple and members of your family and any Overseer can use it.

I have outlined a number of difference(s) among the slaves; and I take these differences and make them bigger. I use fear, distrust, and envy for control purposes. These methods have worked on my modest plantation in the West Indies and [they] will work throughout the South. Take this simple little list of differences, think about them. On top of my list is "Age" but it is there only because it begins with an "A." The second is "Color" or "Shade," there is intelligence, size, sex, size of plantation, status of plantation, attitude of owner, whether the slaves live in the valley , on a hill, East, West, North, or South, have a fine or coarse hair, or is tall or short. Now that you have a list of differences, I shall give you an outline of action but before that, I shall assure you that distrust is stronger than trust and envy is stronger than adulation, respect and admiration.

The Black Slave, after receiving this indoctrination, shall carry on and will become self-refueling and self-generation for hundreds of years, maybe thousands.

Don't forget you must pitch the old black versus the young black and the young black male against the old black male. You must use the dark skin slave vs. The light skin slave and the light skin slaves vs. The dark skin slaves. You must also have your white servants and overseers distrust all blacks, but it is necessary that your slaves trust and depend on us. They must love, respect and trust only us.

Gentlemen, these Kits are keys to control, use them. Have your wives and children use them, never miss an opportunity. My plan is guaranteed and the good thing about this plan is that if used intensely for one year the slaves themselves will remain perpetually distrustful.

Thank you gentlemen.

 

[Timex]

What crap!!!!!!!!

Written When???????
Oh yeah, 1712.

In the HISTORY BOOKS, along side.
People used to belive...
The world was flat.
Sail to far out, a sea monster would get you.
The earth was the center of the solar system.
That you could sail the Nile in your afterlife.

And so on, & so on........yawn.

Tim H.

 

[sancochojoe]

Your comment made my point..

I don't need to prove myself to you. People like you doubt anything that speaks negative about you yet your eager to speak nagative about people not like you and expect others to except your views as creditable.

If you want the 250 page complete manuscript here is the address. Oh and it has been published in spanish as well...ass

436 Walnut Street, 11th Floor
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S.A 19106
1(888) 795-4274
1(215) 923-4686

also

BCR Institute
520 Sixteenth Street North Birmingham, Alabama 35203
(205) 328-9696
(Toll Free) 1-866-328-9696
Refrence
97- SC 0012 Lynch, Willie?Three Photocopies of The Speech by Willie Lynch (1712)

and
University Texas
"Houston Annenberg Challenge Research & Evaluation Study"