are all dominican men mimados?

Enough said!!!

oixala said:

no doubt dominican men are handsome and among the sweetest talkers on earth. im very attracted to them, i love the culture, the music, the food, etc. so ive dated a bunch in my day, but inevitably i find myself in the same predicaments and im at the point where i think maybe i should just give up hope of finding a dominicano who knows how to treat and respect a woman.

it seems to me that dominican men talk A LOT about being great lovers and romancers, etc., but that when it comes down to it they dont really deliver. theyll say anything to make a women feel good in the moment, but when it comes to her real needs and long term work (emotionally, intellectually, physically) theyre just not really interested in doing much once they know the woman is hooked (attached, interested in them, put it how you like...)

i hate stereotyping and believe me im not some ignorant gringa. i speak spanish, have lived and traveled all over latin america and im very familiar with the culture, but my experiences with dominicanos always seem to involve them being lazy, not following through on promises to me, being late for everything, showing little appreciation for things i do for them, etc. in other words behaving like spoiled brats.

correct me if im wrong, but in my experience most dominicanos are totally pampered by their mothers (many of them still live at home waaaay into adulthood) their moms cook for them, do their laundry, clean their rooms, practically wipe their asses without ever expecting a thank you. these guys are treated like kings at home and held accountable for nothing (even cheating is rarely frowned upon....see other threads for proof of this...) it's like they do nothing at home, except give their mothers a little cash from time to time.

i cant help but think that this translates into the way they act in relationships. i feel like they seem to always make promises and never follow through (ill be there, ill call you, etc.....) it's like they worship you and tell you everything sweet imaginable but once te han conquistado....forget about it...it's like you don't really hold the same value for them... they only do the work if they haaaaave to... otherwise theyd rather just sit on the sofa and have you cook for them.

any advice and opinions from dominicanas is especially appreciated here. but anyone who can relate or tell me how to deal with this or who thinks ive just met 'the bad ones' please, tell me where are the good ones hiding? or how do i bring out the good behavior instead of the bad?

im an intelligent attractive woman and i love to pamper my man. i just hate feeling like im being taken advantage of and underappreciated.

graaacias por sus opiniones...

Click to expand...

Just let us know the names of the sankies that took advantage of you!

Dumb

You cant be that intelligent or you'd never have posted this, (just wait and see why) ,, or been sankied as many times as you refer to.....New York or not!!!!!!!!!!!

you wrote: correct me if im wrong, but in my experience most dominicanos are totally pampered by their mothers (many of them still live at home waaaay into adulthood) their moms cook for them, do their laundry, clean their rooms, practically wipe their asses without ever expecting a thank you. these guys are treated like kings at home and held accountable for nothing (even cheating is rarely frowned upon....see other threads for proof of this...) it's like they do nothing at home, except give their mothers a little cash from time to time.

I'd say these guys are living my dream :bunny:

I think there's probably a lot of truth in your post. I am married to a Dominican, but luckily, his mother taugh him better than that. He always had to work to support his family and knows the value of a dollar. My husband's mother was very sick when my husband was a child, and she spent literally years in bed very ill, so he didn't have the normal coddled, nurtured life. He learned to cook and clean from a very young age, as well as having the burden of raising a younger sibling. Thankfully, he has carried that into our marriage, but I'll admit, I think it's a rarity amongst many Dominicans. I've seen many who behave the way you've described. How about just finding a nice guy, rather than seeking out a Dominican? Race should never be a prerequisite for a relationship, so you're limiting yourself greatly by seeking such.

I think that you are right about the things you said. But lets face it, a lot of women are willing to still do the same things our mothers did for us (cook, do the laundry, clean our rooms, etc) so why should we change? Some women like to treat their men as children, so, maybe there's nothing wrong with the system. You should find yourself some grownup from US of A or anywhere else, so you dont have to put up with us. Or else stop complaining.

Don't give up...

Amiguita,

A lot that you have said is very true. As I read your post so many scenarios come to mind. Sin embargo, I still think a good Dominican male if that's what you really want is attainable but unfortunately in relationships you have to keep trying. Some people meet their "ideal man" the first time right on and others have to go through many to get what they want. Also you have to look at yourself too, maybe you are not the easiest "chiquita" to deal with either (no digo esto para ofenderte s?lo quiero hacerte pensar). Self examination is the hardest thing to do but I find once you do it you would be amazed at what you could change about yourself thus paving the way for those GOOD Dominican males to come into your life. I don't believe in trying to change people. That's a waste of time. Pretty much what you see is what you get. So if the man is not delivering according to your standards move on because all it will do is make you miserable y la vida es demasiado corta para eso.

As well I think you are limiting yourself. I know you have your preference but you may find similarities in other Latino males or males of another culture. The world is big, don't limit yourself. Maybe your expectations are high (and don't lower them that's not what I am saying) but maybe you just have not come across what you are looking for as yet. Change your social circles. Where are you meeting these Dominicans? Honestly, I think a good Dominican male is out there- tienes que seguir tratando. No te des por vencida.

Sincerely,

Lesley D (soy mujer).

oixala said:

no doubt dominican men are handsome and among the sweetest talkers on earth. im very attracted to them, i love the culture, the music, the food, etc. so ive dated a bunch in my day, but inevitably i find myself in the same predicaments and im at the point where i think maybe i should just give up hope of finding a dominicano who knows how to treat and respect a woman.

it seems to me that dominican men talk A LOT about being great lovers and romancers, etc., but that when it comes down to it they dont really deliver. theyll say anything to make a women feel good in the moment, but when it comes to her real needs and long term work (emotionally, intellectually, physically) theyre just not really interested in doing much once they know the woman is hooked (attached, interested in them, put it how you like...)

i hate stereotyping and believe me im not some ignorant gringa. i speak spanish, have lived and traveled all over latin america and im very familiar with the culture, but my experiences with dominicanos always seem to involve them being lazy, not following through on promises to me, being late for everything, showing little appreciation for things i do for them, etc. in other words behaving like spoiled brats.

correct me if im wrong, but in my experience most dominicanos are totally pampered by their mothers (many of them still live at home waaaay into adulthood) their moms cook for them, do their laundry, clean their rooms, practically wipe their asses without ever expecting a thank you. these guys are treated like kings at home and held accountable for nothing (even cheating is rarely frowned upon....see other threads for proof of this...) it's like they do nothing at home, except give their mothers a little cash from time to time.

i cant help but think that this translates into the way they act in relationships. i feel like they seem to always make promises and never follow through (ill be there, ill call you, etc.....) it's like they worship you and tell you everything sweet imaginable but once te han conquistado....forget about it...it's like you don't really hold the same value for them... they only do the work if they haaaaave to... otherwise theyd rather just sit on the sofa and have you cook for them.

any advice and opinions from dominicanas is especially appreciated here. but anyone who can relate or tell me how to deal with this or who thinks ive just met 'the bad ones' please, tell me where are the good ones hiding? or how do i bring out the good behavior instead of the bad?

im an intelligent attractive woman and i love to pamper my man. i just hate feeling like im being taken advantage of and underappreciated.

graaacias por sus opiniones...

Click to expand...

I have met a lot of Dominican men with the lifestyle you have described (live at home well into adulthood and have mothers that cook, clean and "basically wipe their assess for them" LOL). I was once married to a born and bred Canadian with the same qualities though so it's not just a Dominican thing (although because of the culture and the way many women there are raised to cater to men, I think it may be more prevalent). One thing I have learned about men, or relationships in general, is start from the beginning with how you want things to be long-term. For example, you say you like to cater to your men but if you do this from day 1 and don't expect anything in return it is human nature for someone to get used to that treatment, eventually expecting and giving little in return. If you want a guy to treat you like a queen, make him work for you. If you let someone sit around watching TV and playing dominos while you slave away in the kitchen, clean the house, etc., you will find a lot of men will become VERY comfortable and few would complain.

I hate to say this since i'm no basher of my countrymen, but i think you are expecting too much from dominicans!. I agree 100% with what Lesley D said. I think you should not try to change people, that would be a waste of time, move on. There are many others that would give anything to replace the "bad apple". As Lesley D said change your social circles, stay awat from the sankies if you want attention, affection, care, quality time, whatever, etc. There is nothing wrong with the mothers taking care of dominicans as if they were children, that's pretty normal in dominican culture. You don't like it, go fish somewhere else. Forgive me for asking but i'm very curious, what did you mean by some dominicans being lazy?. Explain yourself please. Thanks.

Well, amigas, I must say that in my 7 years here in the DR, I've made my mistakes. My first boyfriend was an animation guy in Hotel Metro and it took me almost 3 years to realize that we wouldn't get anywhere. I was lucky though since he wasn't all that sanky. Could have been worse. My second mistake lasted 1 month. He basically thought that since I had a job and he didn't, that I was running a hotel. Back to Loma de Cabrera pa' ti! Now, I'm happy to say, I've been with my current boyfriend for 4 years. The little detail is that he's 20 years older than me. Hmmm... He's made mistakes in his last marriage and he's gotten used to not having mommy there to take care of him. And um... he still holds true to what they say about Dominicans being great lovers.

My suggestion, if you don't care about age, then look for a guy over 40.

Feliz dia!

Kate

everone one's got it bang on!!!

The only thing I would disagree with is the over 40 - early 20's if they've been brought up well is even better ....... then again I'm a cynical bitch that knows exactly what I want and don't want - no times for games .... I've had great experiences and horrid experiences..... a dick that is a dick is noth'in but still a dick....
Cheers :bandit:
And Good Luck in Future Rendevous.....

Porthos said:

I think that you are right about the things you said. But lets face it, a lot of women are willing to still do the same things our mothers did for us (cook, do the laundry, clean our rooms, etc) so why should we change? Some women like to treat their men as children, so, maybe there's nothing wrong with the system. You should find yourself some grownup from US of A or anywhere else, so you dont have to put up with us. Or else stop complaining.

Click to expand...

Porthos and oche and both dominican males so please ladies listen to them.
The point is very simple: Dominican women are far more prettier and sexier than their amerian counterpart. If a dominican guy is from a good family (middle-upper middle class, car, visa and money to spend, not to mention, educated), what incentive does he have to date an american/ canadian woman who is not very good looking (dominican standard) and expects him to do 50% of the shared responsibilities? For example in my case: my mom took a great care of me and my brother (we are 2 brothers after 5 elder sisters). I never did a thing in the house when I was growing up in USA. Everything was done and ready for me. Then I moved out and learned to do everything for myself, cook, clean, iron etc etc. Now I live in santiago for many years and still do my own stuff. Now when I date cute young dominican girls (who are not from montellano or work in hotels etc) come dressed to kill, hair washed and set from salon. They do everything for me and even wash my dishes and often iron my shirts. This recent girl who is visiting me from capital (actually lives out of the country) is classy, elegant, slim like a model and very cute. She came yesterday, massaged me all day while I was recuperating from my hangover from the night before. She then did all the exciting acts with me, while I laid there like a rug. Then she brought me water, some cut-up mangos and helped me put on my shoes and we went out to eat. Then when we came back, she rubbed my back till I went to sleep and woke me up with kisses. Now while I am in the office, she is cleaning the house and organizing my things.
So tell me, why should I try to change the system? Why should I date an american woman who is close to 30 plus and expects me to do everything for myself and also for her? What am I a nut, pendejo? So you see my point, why change the things when they are in our favor from the very begining? You girls want your own cake and eat it to? Naaaa....
If you want those hunky dominicans then pay the prices, becuase if you don't, others will.
Its best if you stay with your own men who wash dishes and iron your blouses and carry your purses behind you in malls.
AZB

Snort! No comment.

AZB said:

Porthos and oche and both dominican males so please ladies listen to them.
The point is very simple: Dominican women are far more prettier and sexier than their amerian counterpart. If a dominican guy is from a good family (middle-upper middle class, car, visa and money to spend, not to mention, educated), what incentive does he have to date an american/ canadian woman who is not very good looking (dominican standard) and expects him to do 50% of the shared responsibilities? For example in my case: my mom took a great care of me and my brother (we are 2 brothers after 5 elder sisters). I never did a thing in the house when I was growing up in USA. Everything was done and ready for me. Then I moved out and learned to do everything for myself, cook, clean, iron etc etc. Now I live in santiago for many years and still do my own stuff. Now when I date cute young dominican girls (who are not from montellano or work in hotels etc) come dressed to kill, hair washed and set from salon. They do everything for me and even wash my dishes and often iron my shirts. This recent girl who is visiting me from capital (actually lives out of the country) is classy, elegant, slim like a model and very cute. She came yesterday, massaged me all day while I was recuperating from my hangover from the night before. She then did all the exciting acts with me, while I laid there like a rug. Then she brought me water, some cut-up mangos and helped me put on my shoes and we went out to eat. Then when we came back, she rubbed my back till I went to sleep and woke me up with kisses. Now while I am in the office, she is cleaning the house and organizing my things.
So tell me, why should I try to change the system? Why should I date an american woman who is close to 30 plus and expects me to do everything for myself and also for her? What am I a nut, pendejo? So you see my point, why change the things when they are in our favor from the very begining? You girls want your own cake and eat it to? Naaaa....
If you want those hunky dominicans then pay the prices, becuase if you don't, others will.
Its best if you stay with your own men who wash dishes and iron your blouses and carry your purses behind you in malls.
AZB

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You actually made me laugh out loud on that one. Angel's done 2 of the 3 above, and I must say, he's a pretty hunky Dominican to boot. Why mess with the system? :laugh: Let's hope he never finds this site...he may stop doing these things and become a sanky for a living!!!

well.....

i've only had one dominican boyfriend we've been together 5 years. i do spoil him, his mother does spoil him, he doesn't cook, (he does have a little of that macho streak in him) but he is not lazy at all! he is a hard working man always worked and always supported his mother. he has a good heart, bad tempered if pushed. He is an amazing step father to my 2 children and a great father to our daughter.

i wouldn't limit myself if i were you to dating one culture. you might be missing out on who your life partner might be.

Again, my friend!!

AZB said:

Porthos and oche and both dominican males so please ladies listen to them.
The point is very simple: Dominican women are far more prettier and sexier than their amerian counterpart. If a dominican guy is from a good family (middle-upper middle class, car, visa and money to spend, not to mention, educated), what incentive does he have to date an american/ canadian woman who is not very good looking (dominican standard) and expects him to do 50% of the shared responsibilities? For example in my case: my mom took a great care of me and my brother (we are 2 brothers after 5 elder sisters). I never did a thing in the house when I was growing up in USA. Everything was done and ready for me. Then I moved out and learned to do everything for myself, cook, clean, iron etc etc. Now I live in santiago for many years and still do my own stuff. Now when I date cute young dominican girls (who are not from montellano or work in hotels etc) come dressed to kill, hair washed and set from salon. They do everything for me and even wash my dishes and often iron my shirts. This recent girl who is visiting me from capital (actually lives out of the country) is classy, elegant, slim like a model and very cute. She came yesterday, massaged me all day while I was recuperating from my hangover from the night before. She then did all the exciting acts with me, while I laid there like a rug. Then she brought me water, some cut-up mangos and helped me put on my shoes and we went out to eat. Then when we came back, she rubbed my back till I went to sleep and woke me up with kisses. Now while I am in the office, she is cleaning the house and organizing my things.
So tell me, why should I try to change the system? Why should I date an american woman who is close to 30 plus and expects me to do everything for myself and also for her? What am I a nut, pendejo? So you see my point, why change the things when they are in our favor from the very begining? You girls want your own cake and eat it to? Naaaa....
If you want those hunky dominicans then pay the prices, becuase if you don't, others will.
Its best if you stay with your own men who wash dishes and iron your blouses and carry your purses behind you in malls.
AZB

Click to expand...

You are talking about someone that does not wants a "true", committed realtionship. If off the bat they know that they will be using you as much as you are using them, no need for you to change since you do not want to be tied down. But let me tell you something.., well I need to do some work. I will tell you you guys some things from experience and why I told my sister to be VERY careful is ever courted by a dominican male, ok, not all are the same but ALOT are. Will explain later.

miguel said:

You are talking about someone that does not wants a "true", committed realtionship. If off the bat they know that they will be using you as much as you are using them, no need for you to change since you do not want to be tied down. But let me tell you something.., well I need to do some work. I will tell you you guys some things from experience and why I told my sister to be VERY careful is ever courted by a dominican male, ok, not all are the same but ALOT are. Will explain later.

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Miguel my brother, the problem with you is that you think you are old. Its not true, the only truth is that you live in USA, therefore, you have been led to believe that your expiring date is near. Maybe you need to take a few lessons from us young 40 yrs guys in DR. All you need to do is to get away from USA and move back to your beloved country. Do bring some dough and a SUV (BPA-baja panty automatico). Now you need to shed some pounds off your gut (lets say 15 lbs) and put a tint on the hair. Man o man, you will be all set and back to being and acting like 25yrs old big boy. You see, in DR, you will never be considered old unless you reach 57 plus and wrinkled, but then if you are loaded, you will still be considered young.
back in USA, guys are considered old and out of the top shelve and put into the bottom shelve after they reach 30 plus. They are not taken in seriously when they reach 40 yrs plus. They are done. The only women who ever looks upon them are the 38plus with kids (no I am not talking about someone, just an example). Funny thing, these american women act like they are still hot and, thus, act bitchy. They sort of treat you as if they are doing you a favor by dating your sorry a**.
Now if you were living in DR (especially santiago) you would be a hot commodity. The center of attention of all single attractive girls and soul of the party, especially if you arrive in a new Jeepita.
Now don't get me wrong, you have a fine woman in your hands in DR but don't think we are with bad apples either if the girl doesn't fit your mold of the perfect woman (for a 40 plus yrs old man). The only thing you would have to watch out for is the hit woman she has in nagua, you know which one. You make one bad move, man she will serve your head on a tray. I know, I came very close to have my head served in a shoe box. I hope I am off her hit list by now.
AZB

Ok, here it goes!!!

When my mom left the DR to go to the US, she took my 2 older siblings with her. On one of her trip to visit the remaining 6 that were left behind with my father, my father asked her "who was cooking and ironing for my male brother (mind you, my older sister was there with him also), that if my sister was being a dominican female and taking care of the house", my mother told him that " I am not going to raise my kids like most dominicans, they will be raised to to productive and to be people of good, they will be the opposite of you and the way you were raised". Keep in mind that my father is a good man but also a victim of his environment. He did all he wanted to do because he had the mentality that "I am the bread winner and I can do as I please". The women, the liquor, the smoking, the friends, etc, man, everything was there when I was growing up, courtesy of my father "the bread winner" (thank GOD that she dumped his ax). When she saved enough money by herself to bring the remaining 6 to the US, she told us off the bat, mind you, I was only 11, that "in this household everybody is equal, you will only get respect only if you give respect. Most dominican males are raised to be the "dominant one" in the household and some of them are "mama's boys" that would not lift a finger in the house even if their lives depended on it. I will not raise those kind of "mama's boys".
I was raised that in the household, everything was done 50-50. By the time I was 12, I already knew how to cook, clean, do dishes, mop the whole house, and help my brothers and sisters in anything they needed, the same with my other 7 siblings.
One time, I was friends with a a dominican girl from Queens, NY, circa 1985, and I found myself going back 11 years, as if I was in the DR. Her brothers would order her around like a slave. There I was talking to this girl and all of a sudden one of her brothers would go straight to her and tell her "go make me some coffee" or "go cook because I am hungry", mind you, she was over 18, but within seconds she would go and do she was told?. I used to get mad at them and when I told them that it was not right, they would tell me that "it was their jobs". One went as far as to tell me "yea, it's 50-50, our 50% is telling them what to do". Oh boy.
I know of many dominican male (READ THIS: NOT ALL DOMINICAN MALE, BUT SOME OR MANY) that are even in their late 20 and even late 30's and 40's that they STILL need the woman to do EVERYTHING for them. In my opinion, it's not that they are mama's boys, it's just that they are lazy and have the excuse of "I was raised that way" so they can have a excuse just to make themselves feel better. Nothing wrong with being a mama's boy. I was one but the only difference is that in my case, I made my mother NOT DO EVERYHING for me and I did EVERYTHING for her. A mama's boy is treating your mother to the best of things that she helped you get because of the way she educated you. It's making her life much easier at her old age and repaying her for doing such a great job for you. A mama's boy is not someone that would visit his/her mother and say "mom, I am hungry, make me something to eat". A mama's boy is telling one's mother "mom, I came to spend time with you and I stopped somewhere I got you something that I Know you like, sit with me and let's talk". Big difference. It's just making her life easier instead of harder. Maybe there's a reason why I am friends with all my exes. I guess that I will have to start believing when they tell me that they have never met anybody that comes close to me. My mother did an excellent job with us and I really do not give a darn if anyone believes me but none of my brothers and sisters have had any bad habits. We do not smoke, never did drugs, the only one that drinks socially is me, and best of all, we are good people. And yes, we all help in the house, still, with the cooking, cleaning and all the house chores. And care to know something?, I love it. I am a man that if I am with someone, I do not want a slave next to me, I will help in the house and I am a true believer that all should be done 50-50 or even 40-60 against the male. As I told my sister and now telling my daughter, if a man, while courting you, do not lift a finger to help in his house and is always specting people do do all for him, that is exactly what he will spect from you if you ever get together with him. Like my brother says: A man is not a man just because he works and take care of the rent, a man is a man when he is respected by everybody, and if you let your wife be a slave for you, trust me, she does not respect you and the moment she sees someone that is 1% better than you, it's "cuerno time" (unfaithful time).