ARIES (Mar 21- Apr 19)
Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them
prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and
they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people
drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other
methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will
assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by
sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as
you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night,
you sneaky Gemini
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated
Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop
inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells jokes to
employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to
body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is
not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A
squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some
would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when
intoxicated.
GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 21)
Drinking style: Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior
much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that
it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with
finesse and allusion, then doing something unbelievable in an extremely
advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's
possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly,
which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order
different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may
create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and
limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 22)
Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with
dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it,
Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must
guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret
parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true
Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get
"tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's
nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of
inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite
Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be
adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)=20
Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often
fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing
their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're
quite aware they're darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They
generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing
self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue --
and perhaps not with the one who brought them. But Leo's not the type
to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder,
Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you
the next day
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are
compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest
for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it
could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine
or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh,
when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an
unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped.
It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to
declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence
tonight." A toast to the subgenius
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
Drinking style: "I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's just
that I'm so damn social." Libra loves nothing more than to party,
mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra
(with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra
side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really
work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in
self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --
including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening,
flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's
events entirely. Oops!
SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 21)
Drinking style: Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for
they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till
they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to
drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see
the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a
personality-altering tool - though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps
seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking
pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also
remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed.
Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Drinking style: In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze
blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of
their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink
with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect
from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna
Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room,
then
persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub,
or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hi-jinks are sure to ensue
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)=20
Drinking style: Capricorn is usually described as practical,
steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left
off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David
Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true
rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too
eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you
to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on
or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to
loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up
with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Drinking style: Aquarius and
drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They
have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea
while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If
they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too
preoccupied with their duties to get combative and they make perfectly
charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital
drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can
get them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is fascinated
by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with
soused strangers while sober
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Drinking style: If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard
that you share a sign and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor,
LizaMinelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves
in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they
build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like
that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners,
whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can
start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together
for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways you
know.
Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them
prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and
they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people
drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other
methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will
assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by
sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as
you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night,
you sneaky Gemini
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated
Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop
inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells jokes to
employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to
body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is
not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A
squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some
would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when
intoxicated.
GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 21)
Drinking style: Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior
much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that
it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with
finesse and allusion, then doing something unbelievable in an extremely
advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's
possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly,
which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order
different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may
create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and
limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 22)
Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with
dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it,
Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must
guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret
parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true
Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get
"tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's
nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of
inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite
Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be
adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)=20
Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often
fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing
their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're
quite aware they're darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They
generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing
self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue --
and perhaps not with the one who brought them. But Leo's not the type
to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder,
Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you
the next day
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are
compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest
for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it
could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine
or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh,
when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an
unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped.
It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to
declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence
tonight." A toast to the subgenius
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
Drinking style: "I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's just
that I'm so damn social." Libra loves nothing more than to party,
mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra
(with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra
side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really
work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in
self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --
including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening,
flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's
events entirely. Oops!
SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 21)
Drinking style: Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for
they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till
they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to
drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see
the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a
personality-altering tool - though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps
seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking
pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also
remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed.
Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Drinking style: In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze
blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of
their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink
with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect
from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna
Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room,
then
persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub,
or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hi-jinks are sure to ensue
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)=20
Drinking style: Capricorn is usually described as practical,
steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left
off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David
Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true
rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too
eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you
to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on
or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to
loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up
with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Drinking style: Aquarius and
drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They
have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea
while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If
they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too
preoccupied with their duties to get combative and they make perfectly
charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital
drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can
get them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is fascinated
by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with
soused strangers while sober
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Drinking style: If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard
that you share a sign and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor,
LizaMinelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves
in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they
build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like
that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners,
whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can
start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together
for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways you
know.