Dominican men living in the DR vs. those raised abroad

[TheOP]

Ladies,

This goes to those of you who have been with Dominican men both in the 1/2 island and in your countries of origin. Have you noticed any difference in courtship patterns by fellow Dominican men? How does the treatment you receive from Dominican men differ depending on whether they're in the DR or elsewhere? Do you have a preference for Dominicans raised in the DR or do you welcome the intercultural changes that these guys may have gone through after living abroad or even if they were raised bi-culturally?

Notice I don't even use the verb "to date" here, since in my opinion, there is no such thing as dating in the DR.

 

[cuas]

I dated. Graduated from college (UASD) still living at home (Dominican style). My boyfriend was giving days to come to visit me. On Sundays he was coming before twelve and ate with us, left in the afternoon and came back at night. We were going out but out of respect he had to bring me home at certain time.
I have 5 sisters and all of them went through the same thing, because my sisters dated at a younger age they were not allowed to go out without a younger sister but we had strict rules at home and this was in a barrio.
My brothers the same. They had set up times to see their girlfriends.
Now I have a niece (16), my sister found out she likes a boy. My niece is a honor student. He is 18 graduated from high school. My sister and husband called the boyfriend and esplained to him that my nice will go to college and he wants to date her he must go to college. He is enrolling now in college and he will given days to see my niece at home. Is this dating?
I am a family caseworker in the Bronx. I know the difference.
I am raising my children Dominican style. You like a boy bring him home, if he does not want to come, he only wants to play with you. It works.

 

[poetic125]

lmao...
I am 20 years old and from NyC. My mom told me "el sueno mio es que cuando te vas de la casa es para casarte"...Being that Im the youngest and my older two sister have their own place and are not married Im their last chance..lol. Well for my sisters things were difficult for they had to follow the old dominican rules of the guy coming at home on sundays...but one problem. The guys they dated werent dominican and just didnt understand why my parents were so old school. Now I have my first dominican boyfriend,,,and he's all about getting respect for my parents and all this stuff. He didnt want to bring me home too late and always..always walked me to my apartment door. At first i really wasnt used to this, but you know what I really apreciate this dominican style of courtship. It entails for him to really prove his interest in being with me by show respect to my parents. And things are just so much easier "when done right", my parents have met his parents and vise versa. This process makes the guy and the parents clear about the intentions.

 

[NALs]

Ladies,

This goes to those of you who have been with Dominican men both in the 1/2 island and in your countries of origin.

2/3 island.

Ok, go on...

-NALs

 

[TheOP]

2/3 island.

Ok, go on...

-NALs

NALs, I do know that the Dominican Republic occupies 2/3 of the Hispaniola island, but we Dominicans call our country in a jokingly way la media isla. Linguistic expressions are many times a matter of imposed usage and not so much of strict correctness, so lighten up a little...

 

[TheOP]

Thanks for your replies, girls. I knew there weren't going to be many responses from our non-Dominican female posters, but I'm actually surprised that no one has replied, possibly indicating that most of them have dated only one breed of Dominican men.
It's like many of the DR1ers who have dated Dominican have a sweepstakes image of sankies...

 

[La Mariposa]

NALs, I do know that the Dominican Republic occupies 2/3 of the Hispaniola island, but we Dominicans call our country in a jokingly way la media isla. Linguistic expressions are many times a matter of imposed usage and not so much of strict correctness, so lighten up a little...

I never heard that joke.

 

[Chirimoya]

It's not that common and not necessarily light-hearted: I saw it used seriously in a Spanish text I had to translate the other day - I interpreted it as follows: media isla can be another word for peninsula, and if you really stretch it, the DR is also a peninsula, though strictly speaking a peninsula is attached to a larger mainland, which is not the case here. But yes, it is used, and although I queried it with the client, they insisted on 'half-island' in the translation. Whatever.

 

[NALs]

I never heard that joke.

Me neither. I have, however, heard it and read it from people that believe the island is actually split in half.

-NALs

 

[NALs]

It's not that common and not necessarily light-hearted: I saw it used seriously in a Spanish text I had to translate the other day - I interpreted it as follows: media isla can be another word for peninsula, and if you really stretch it, the DR is also a peninsula, though strictly speaking a peninsula is attached to a larger mainland, which is not the case here. But yes, it is used, and although I queried it with the client, they insisted on 'half-island' in the translation. Whatever.

Ditto.

-NALs

 

[mas_freca_que_chinatown:)]

Thanks for your replies, girls. I knew there weren't going to be many responses from our non-Dominican female posters, but I'm actually surprised that no one has replied, possibly indicating that most of them have dated only one breed of Dominican men.
It's like many of the DR1ers who have dated Dominican have a sweepstakes image of sankies...

From my experience (me being a non-Dominican female poster, married to a DomYorker ) Dominicans that are raised (or have lived long enough) abroad are much more open minded, understanding and tolerant of other cultures, that's why it's a lot easier and much more pleasant to date them.

Take food, for example (might look like it's nothing special for you guys, but for me it's a big thing) - Dominicans here, in the DR, are not very keen on trying foods from other countries. I've heard many of them say that if they go a day without eating rice, they feel like they haven't eaten at all. AND they expect you (the girlfriend/wife) to KNOW how to cook Dominican food. If you don't cook, no sirves.... Dominicans abroad know that it's NOT unnatural for somebody to NOT know how to cook their food...

That's not the only thing, of course... Dominicans abroad tend to not be so stupidly jealous as the ones here.

And yea, the ones abroad (legally, of course), DO mean MI VIDA, not MI VISA, when they say it...

 

[Bklynny]

Agree

I agree - those that were raised abroad are much more open-minded. I see a huge difference between my husband (born in the DR, pretty much raised in NY), and his brothers/cousins (born and raised in the DR).

When I first met my husband years ago so many women (mostly Dominicanas) told me I would have a hard time with dating a Dominicano as they are extremely jealous, noncommital, etc. I have never found that to be true with my husband. However, his brothers/cousins are so different that sometimes it amazes me that they are related. Screwing around on their wives, girlfriends is a way of life (an acceptable one I might add), and they are "Dominican to the core" in so many respects. By this I mean; God forbid they try foods other than carne frita, arroz, habichuelas, etc... (and a pork chop HAS got to be fried or it isn't a pork chop!! who knew?). Forget attempting to get them to try Italian, Indian, Greek or any other "foreign" food. They just won't.

I know this is not true of all Dominican men, but it's my own experience with the ones in my husband's family. I would like to point out however, that I have found the same to be true when it comes to the females in his family. Those who have never lived abroad (again, I'm not generalizing here but speaking only of women in my husband's family), who have spent a majority of their lives in the DR, find it unfathomable that a woman may not be able to cook arroz con guandules or would ever question a decision her huband makes. In fact, years ago I was told by my sister-in-law that EVERY Dominican girl knows how to cook and clean by the time she's 12, no exceptions (I find that hard to believe, but whatever..)

They find it perfectly reasonable that a man should be able to sit on his ass and drink beer all day while she scrubs and cleans, makes the meals, cleans up after making those meals, waits on him hand and foot, etc. Very subservient (sp?) to the point where I find it intriguing to say the least.

Just my humble opinion

 

[mas_freca_que_chinatown:)]

In fact, years ago I was told by my sister-in-law that EVERY Dominican girl knows how to cook and clean by the time she's 12, no exceptions (I find that hard to believe, but whatever..)

It is unbelievable but sooo true... my husband has 2 younger sisters here, in DR. I've spent a lot of time with his family, now i'm kinda used to it, but at first I was somewhat amazed of the "enslavement" of those girls. The older one (15) goes to school in the morning. While she's in school, the younger one (13) cooks for the whole family, cleans the entire house (every single day...), washes the dishes afterwards, cleans the kitchen AND does her homework, then leaves to school. Then when the older one gets home from school it's her turn to clean (once again...), go buy groceries, cook dinner, serve it, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen afterwards and then do homework. No wonder the girls are so beat up by the time it's 9pm, that they don't have time nor energy left for some simple teenage fun...

Don't get me wrong, their mom and dad are really nice people, and it really IS something normal here, but I would never raise my daughter that way. OK, she has to learn to clean, but she has to enjoy her youth as well... IMHO...

Dominicans here on the Island rarely spend quality time together with their kids. I mean - have you ever seen a Dominican mom or dad read a book to their kids? (not generalizing, just my own experience). The ones that are raised abroad do that and much more. And they don't enslave their children.

 

[La Mariposa]

It is unbelievable but sooo true... my husband has 2 younger sisters here, in DR. I've spent a lot of time with his family, now i'm kinda used to it, but at first I was somewhat amazed of the "enslavement" of those girls. The older one (15) goes to school in the morning. While she's in school, the younger one (13) cooks for the whole family, cleans the entire house (every single day...), washes the dishes afterwards, cleans the kitchen AND does her homework, then leaves to school. Then when the older one gets home from school it's her turn to clean (once again...), go buy groceries, cook dinner, serve it, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen afterwards and then do homework. No wonder the girls are so beat up by the time it's 9pm, that they don't have time nor energy left for some simple teenage fun...

Don't get me wrong, their mom and dad are really nice people, and it really IS something normal here, but I would never raise my daughter that way. OK, she has to learn to clean, but she has to enjoy her youth as well... IMHO...

Dominicans here on the Island rarely spend quality time together with their kids. I mean - have you ever seen a Dominican mom or dad read a book to their kids? (not generalizing, just my own experience). The ones that are raised abroad do that and much more. And they don't enslave their children.

And they almost cry when they know you don't have child. The first question is: And who is going to take care of you when you get old ??

Ay D?os pobre de t?, los ni?os son las flores de la casa. Oh yes specially the girls, to be raised as if they were the trabajadoras de la casa.

 

[Ezequiel]

It is unbelievable but sooo true... my husband has 2 younger sisters here, in DR. I've spent a lot of time with his family, now i'm kinda used to it, but at first I was somewhat amazed of the "enslavement" of those girls. The older one (15) goes to school in the morning. While she's in school, the younger one (13) cooks for the whole family, cleans the entire house (every single day...), washes the dishes afterwards, cleans the kitchen AND does her homework, then leaves to school. Then when the older one gets home from school it's her turn to clean (once again...), go buy groceries, cook dinner, serve it, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen afterwards and then do homework. No wonder the girls are so beat up by the time it's 9pm, that they don't have time nor energy left for some simple teenage fun...

Don't get me wrong, their mom and dad are really nice people, and it really IS something normal here, but I would never raise my daughter that way. OK, she has to learn to clean, but she has to enjoy her youth as well... IMHO...

Dominicans here on the Island rarely spend quality time together with their kids. I mean - have you ever seen a Dominican mom or dad read a book to their kids? (not generalizing, just my own experience). The ones that are raised abroad do that and much more. And they don't enslave their children.

Those girls are not that smart like my sister, she does know how to cook and clean, but she doesn't have to do it because we have a maid, but when we don't have a maid and my mother asks her to clean and cook, she immediately has an asthma attack, so my mother and father know they can send my sister to clean or cook or even mention it, or they will have to pay a lots of money in hospital bills.

 

[Dragonfly32837]

LOL

We have a trabajadora en la casa that takes care of the cooking and the cleaning and another one that takes care of the washing and ironing. I guess it depends on the socioeconomic status of the Dominican family that we are talking about.

 

[Mujermaravilla]

It is unbelievable but sooo true... my husband has 2 younger sisters here, in DR. I've spent a lot of time with his family, now i'm kinda used to it, but at first I was somewhat amazed of the "enslavement" of those girls. The older one (15) goes to school in the morning. While she's in school, the younger one (13) cooks for the whole family, cleans the entire house (every single day...), washes the dishes afterwards, cleans the kitchen AND does her homework, then leaves to school. Then when the older one gets home from school it's her turn to clean (once again...), go buy groceries, cook dinner, serve it, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen afterwards and then do homework. No wonder the girls are so beat up by the time it's 9pm, that they don't have time nor energy left for some simple teenage fun...

Don't get me wrong, their mom and dad are really nice people, and it really IS something normal here, but I would never raise my daughter that way. OK, she has to learn to clean, but she has to enjoy her youth as well... IMHO...

Dominicans here on the Island rarely spend quality time together with their kids. I mean - have you ever seen a Dominican mom or dad read a book to their kids? (not generalizing, just my own experience). The ones that are raised abroad do that and much more. And they don't enslave their children.

NOT so true. I didn't learn how to cook until I was about 23 or 24 living on my own. I never washed dishes I never cooked and we didn't have maids. Same goes for my cousins. Every family is different my family wanted us to have a good education and they didn't have us to have maids. My family is not the only one because I went to school with plenty of girls that were treated the same way I was.

AND Dominicans spend plenty of quality time with their children. Growing up my mom read LOTS of books to me. My aunts bought me many many books too. My mom took me everywhere she went. Her brother would pick me up every weekend so I can spend time with my cousins. My dad would take me to see relatives in the campo all the time. and for Semana Santa and summer vacation my mother's entire family would pack up and head to one of the campos to visit that side of the extended family. On the odd weekend we would go visit my cousin's family in Santiago or we would rent a cabana in Jarabacoa. My aunt would take and the rest of the kids from my street to centro olimpico to play sports at least 2 weekends a month. OH an my mom would seek out opportunities to get me into extracurricular activities such as ballet at the teatro nacional, or art in plaza de la cultura, or swimming in centro olimpico or karate in karate school.

Please educate yourself about Dominican culture. Your husband's family is not representative of all Dominican people.

Speak about your own experience

 

[mas_freca_que_chinatown:)]

Please educate yourself about Dominican culture. Your husband's family is not representative of all Dominican people.

Speak about your own experience

with all do respect, but if you'll read my post again, you'll notice that it's written there - NOT GENERALIZING, JUST MY OWN EXPERIENCE.
and i've seen it happening in many families, not just my husbands, i'm just too lazy to write down all the names and places and i'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to read such a loooooong post...

and what's with those people on this forum that always mention the "speak from your own experience" thing?? of course i'm speaking from my own experience! and do i really have to repeat after every sentence that I AM SPEAKING FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE?? jeez...

just to make it clear for you - I KNOW that it's not like that in EVERY family...
but there are plenty... yes, of course, on the poor side of the society. girls ARE raised doing too many chores, and boys are (way too) often helping their fathers in whatever job they are doing, and from a VERY young age.. now i doubt that you'll disagree with me on that

 

[La Mariposa]

with all do respect, but if you'll read my post again, you'll notice that it's written there - NOT GENERALIZING, JUST MY OWN EXPERIENCE.
and i've seen it happening in many families, not just my husbands, i'm just too lazy to write down all the names and places and i'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to read such a loooooong post...

and what's with those people on this forum that always mention the "speak from your own experience" thing?? of course i'm speaking from my own experience! and do i really have to repeat after every sentence that I AM SPEAKING FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE?? jeez...

just to make it clear for you - I KNOW that it's not like that in EVERY family...
but there are plenty... yes, of course, on the poor side of the society. girls ARE raised doing too many chores, and boys are (way too) often helping their fathers in whatever job they are doing, and from a VERY young age.. now i doubt that you'll disagree with me on that

Very well said.

And to Mujermaravilla when you say please educate yourself about Dominican culture, you should have added IN EVERY CLAS OF THE SOCIETY

 

[Mujermaravilla]

with all do respect, but if you'll read my post again, you'll notice that it's written there - NOT GENERALIZING, JUST MY OWN EXPERIENCE.
and i've seen it happening in many families, not just my husbands, i'm just too lazy to write down all the names and places and i'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to read such a loooooong post...

and what's with those people on this forum that always mention the "speak from your own experience" thing?? of course i'm speaking from my own experience! and do i really have to repeat after every sentence that I AM SPEAKING FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE?? jeez...

just to make it clear for you - I KNOW that it's not like that in EVERY family...
but there are plenty... yes, of course, on the poor side of the society. girls ARE raised doing too many chores, and boys are (way too) often helping their fathers in whatever job they are doing, and from a VERY young age.. now i doubt that you'll disagree with me on that

You said... "When have you seen a Dominican read to their child" you also said... Dominicans don't spend any quality time with their children.
If you were speaking from YOUR experience you would say nobody I know or, my husband's family and friends don't. In that case your experience speaks more about the TYPE of people you choose to associate with and not Dominican people as a whole.


I am sorry you choose to be surrounded by people that place a low priority in education. Which by the way, has nothing to do with money because I was brought up poor, in a barrio in Santo Domingo.

And as far as people saying "speak from your own experience" that is just a polite way of saying... You don't know what you are talking about, so you should keep your oppinions to yourself.