I'm missing the point too.
I thought it was about you paying, as per your OP.
- Thread starter Berzin
- Start date
How to handle certain situations...
I thought it was about you paying, as per your OP.
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apostropheman
Guest
It sounds like YOU are missing the point, trying to impose your values on Dominicans instead of learning how things are done in the DR, accepting it and going with the flow.
If you want to do things the way they are done in your country, stay there!
irate::bunny::bunny:might not be related...the moderators will decide...
I've been going to the same spot on Playa Sosua for few years...two guys working there: one a clear tigre the other one a decent chap...I always have them have a presidente or two on me ( on top of that I knew that they were overcharging me ), yet I could go to swim & snorkle at ease...anyway, a year ago the decent one gets a call that his wife is in the emergency room in POP so I offer to drive him there...off we get to the hospital ( oh my, what an experience for me ) and the doc says that she should be taken to a private hospital ASAP - off we drive but since thay did not have insurance no procedure will be done so I see her pain and I say to the doc "go ahead" !!!
One year later the two turn up to the playa drunk ( Jan 1 08 ) in the morning and I do buy them a round...then they demand 1,000 pesos from me in order for them to go and continue their party - I said no! They gave me the tigre attitude and I we do not have the same "friendship" ever since...These days novia ( next monday she'll be my esposa - discount Marco ? ) talks to them when they ask for a free presidente ( perdon, but she handels "our" finances" now I tell them ) ...Who was the smart poster who posted " killing the golden goose".......
I've been going to the same spot on Playa Sosua for few years...two guys working there: one a clear tigre the other one a decent chap...I always have them have a presidente or two on me ( on top of that I knew that they were overcharging me ), yet I could go to swim & snorkle at ease...anyway, a year ago the decent one gets a call that his wife is in the emergency room in POP so I offer to drive him there...off we get to the hospital ( oh my, what an experience for me ) and the doc says that she should be taken to a private hospital ASAP - off we drive but since thay did not have insurance no procedure will be done so I see her pain and I say to the doc "go ahead" !!!
One year later the two turn up to the playa drunk ( Jan 1 08 ) in the morning and I do buy them a round...then they demand 1,000 pesos from me in order for them to go and continue their party - I said no! They gave me the tigre attitude and I we do not have the same "friendship" ever since...These days novia ( next monday she'll be my esposa - discount Marco ?
) talks to them when they ask for a free presidente ( perdon, but she handels "our" finances" now I tell them ) ...Who was the smart poster who posted " killing the golden goose".......There's often a presumption of commitment, if you help out just once.might not be related...the moderators will decide...
I've been going to the same spot on Playa Sosua for few years...two guys working there: one a clear tigre the other one a decent chap...I always have them have a presidente or two on me ( on top of that I knew that they were overcharging me ), yet I could go to swim & snorkle at ease...anyway, a year ago the decent one gets a call that his wife is in the emergency room in POP so I offer to drive him there...off we get to the hospital ( oh my, what an experience for me ) and the doc says that she should be taken to a private hospital ASAP - off we drive but since thay did not have insurance no procedure will be done so I see her pain and I say to the doc "go ahead" !!!
One year later the two turn up to the playa drunk ( Jan 1 08 ) in the morning and I do buy them a round...then they demand 1,000 pesos from me in order for them to go and continue their party - I said no! They gave me the tigre attitude and I we do not have the same "friendship" ever since...These days novia ( next monday she'll be my esposa - discount Marco ?
It's rather sad, as it ruins it for the sincere people who truly need help and are deeply appreciative.
The good news is that you're not the only one.
We all go thorugh it..... we all get caught.
Marco, the sad aspect is that they do not get it...the "decent" one kind of got it, yet the other one .......On another hand, I had a kind of experience with the "decent" one beforehand...I lost my cell in Cabarete and I traced the person that had my cell...and when I went with the "decent" one to get my cell in the barrio he was told "you grew up with us, why R U standing by the gringo ?"...and I have to admit, he did stand by me...
"And whats' wrong with saying "Hey, in MY country when a chica brings a friend along for a date it means one thing-a threesome!!!" YEAH!!!!!!!!"
Hey berzin it does mean a threesome sometimes if you play your cards right or hooking up with the friend at a later date because she found you to be a nice guy. In DR a little bit of kindness goes a long way.
Hey berzin it does mean a threesome sometimes if you play your cards right or hooking up with the friend at a later date because she found you to be a nice guy. In DR a little bit of kindness goes a long way.
You and apostropheman basically said the same thing, though I am disappointed that neither of you could of taken the time to write something more productive and/or thoughtful.
I will then ask you this-are you saying that dominicans can't tell the difference between a foreigner and a dominican? Are they not capable of telling the difference? Is hardcore assimilation a prerequisite for a 1 week vacation, and if not, should I just stay home?
Sorry, that last one is out of the question...:ermm:
"And whats' wrong with saying "Hey, in MY country when a chica brings a friend along for a date it means one thing-a threesome!!!" YEAH!!!!!!!!"
Hey berzin it does mean a threesome sometimes if you play your cards right or hooking up with the friend at a later date because she found you to be a nice guy. In DR a little bit of kindness goes a long way.
I appreciate your post. Food for thought for those navigating this cultural minefield.
You asked a question about Dominican customs in this country and you received the correct answer. It matters not whether you are a foreigner or a Dominican, a girl with values in this country will bring a friend along until she feels comfortable with a man.
I just remembered, when I was there first time courted very aggressively by a guy - he brought another girl (who I talked on the phone before) when he first took me out. He did not know me or her, but paid for us both all the way through the trip (did not ask for anything at that point). So, yes, it is true. Men in my country do the same - that is why I am used to it. If the woman he is interested in has a friend or two - he will even invite them along himself to make sure she is happy.
1) Depends on the situation, place, context. I would never ask a girl that, that is probably the most offensive thing you could ask a girl that isn't working. In bars in SD most girls aren't hustlers or prostis, Sosua maybe. I think the key here is tact. If you made the initial move to start talking, dancing whatever, then the question would not be valid. If she makes the first move, and seems over-eager to be by yourside, use your judgement. If you have serious communication problems (i.e. don't speak each other's language), or are much older, then you would want to excercise caution - how ever, a girl in this situation might not be a prostitute per se, but someone looking for a provider. If unsure try some indirect questions to see what they are looking for - but don't ask that question directly unless you want to get slapped in the face.
2) I agree with I'll buy around, you buy the next move. Again tact is the key. If a girl brings another girl, I wouldn't complain about buying a few rounds. However, observe their behavior. If they want the most expensive drinks (i.e. champagne, tequila ($250 a shot at some bars), then excercise caution, even cut it off short if they are abusing your generousity. With friends bringing friends to your house, simple, tell them to pick up beer on the way. Nobody likes a freeloader, but you cannot escape the reality that some people don't have much money. I will treat my friends to beers every so often, it's not much to me, they enjoy it, I enjoy their company, I know that can't really afford everything I can. When we play poker, I'm the only one that buys beer, they don't, I will always give some out, but not too much - after all it's rude to be the only enjoying something when in company of friends. If somebody is asking for too much, even though you have been generous, call them on it. Relate the situation to a "starving" student situation in NA - without the student loans to pay for things, not bad people, but don't have much, sometimes you lose track and want things you don't have - it's natural.
2) I agree with I'll buy around, you buy the next move. Again tact is the key. If a girl brings another girl, I wouldn't complain about buying a few rounds. However, observe their behavior. If they want the most expensive drinks (i.e. champagne, tequila ($250 a shot at some bars), then excercise caution, even cut it off short if they are abusing your generousity. With friends bringing friends to your house, simple, tell them to pick up beer on the way. Nobody likes a freeloader, but you cannot escape the reality that some people don't have much money. I will treat my friends to beers every so often, it's not much to me, they enjoy it, I enjoy their company, I know that can't really afford everything I can. When we play poker, I'm the only one that buys beer, they don't, I will always give some out, but not too much - after all it's rude to be the only enjoying something when in company of friends. If somebody is asking for too much, even though you have been generous, call them on it. Relate the situation to a "starving" student situation in NA - without the student loans to pay for things, not bad people, but don't have much, sometimes you lose track and want things you don't have - it's natural.
I am allowed to add other issues into the mix as they arise, am I not?
For some its' about the obligation of paying for what a foreigner may see as an uninvited guest. Obviously dominicans do not see this differently. So now that we got that out of the way it will help someone who doesn't know.
For others it could be about something else, like spending some alone time with someone and trying to get to know them under the constrictions of time(because if you're on vacation you don't have all the time in the world).
Sure, but it would be nice to let us know.
We're not mind readers.
We respond to your issue about having to pay, then you tell us we're missing the point.
It would be helpful if you said something like.
"Hey, it's no longer about the money, now the issue is about communication."
And it would be nice for you to not tell us that we're missing the point, when you've changed the issue, but only in your own mind, without telling us.
Hey, I'm getting good at being dominican, aren't I?
Seriously, in the post where I stated that the point was being missed, I was speaking of the communication factor, as in the young lady states she will be chaperoned. There is nothing wrong with chaperoned dates, but like I said it would catch someone off-guard if they didn't know.
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Berzin in all the time I have been in DR and dealing with Dominican women ,if you show the consideration to take your girl and a relative or other friend out with you it will repay itself countless times over. I fully understand that you want some time alone with your girl but try to be considerate of Dominican customs and as soon as she is comfortable around you, your small investment of time will pay many dividends for many trips to come. This only applies to decent women not some hooker from beach or disco.
i remember one time a girl i was kind of serious about had 3 girlfriends with her. talk about an expensive evening out. the disco, food, and cab fare, etc. you would have thought she was Leonel or somebody and those girls were bodyguards.
come to think of it, i think they were actually protecting her body from me :ermm:
come to think of it, i think they were actually protecting her body from me :ermm:
We'll try to be better mind readers in future, but please dispense with the "You're missing the point" speeches, when the concept is only in your mind and not in print.Hey, I'm getting good at being dominican, aren't I?
Seriously, in the post where I stated that the point was being missed, I was speaking of the communication factor, as in the young lady states she will be chaperoned. There is nothing wrong with chaperoned dates, but like I said it would catch someone off-guard if they didn't know.
My crystal ball has been acting up these days and I really can't count on it reading your mind properly.
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