OK Slap Me into Reality

[WBALKE]

Good Morning Frinends from DR1,

Update!
My novia arrived in New York on October 23rd. So far things are moving along well. She living with her father until early January (at my insistance). I needed some time to get to know her outside of our usual vacation experiences. But we plan for her to move in with me in January and marry shortly afterward. We shared thanks giving with her family and we will share Christmas with mine.

My observations
She appears to me a little more moody than usual. Thats probrobly to to the stress of relocating. In addition her siter had her 1st child a few days ago and I know that she would have loved to be there for that. My question is are these mood swings normal or is there troubke on the horizon.
Her father and his wife (whom she is living with) is having some problems with her going out every day. In my opinion she is a 32 year old woman but he still sees her as a child. Thats probrobly because he was not around when she was growing up. And she is very concerned about how he feels which of course causes problems for me.
In addition her father is having problems with his (much younger) wife. So that is probrobly rolling over into my relationship.

If anyone has any similar experiences I would love to hear. Thanks in advance.

W

 

[Mirador]

I did a quick reading with my colored quartz crystals for you, and I channeled the following information: "Yes, the mood swings are normal. Yes, there is mucho troubke on the horizon for you".

 

[Audra]

I'm going to throw my 2 cents in here. First of all relocating can be very stressful, and missing the birth of your niece/nephew as well, BUT, moving to another country to be with your true love should be the the happiest time in your life, not to mention seeing your father again after a while.

Don't you think she should be happy all the time cause she is there with you?

uh oh, I see some flags a waving....

 

[shadInToronto]

Don't put off today's troubke ...

Good Morning Frinends from DR1,

Update!
My novia arrived in New York on October 23rd. So far things are moving along well.

My observations
She appears to me a little more moody than usual. Thats probrobly to to the stress of relocating. In addition her siter had her 1st child a few days ago and I know that she would have loved to be there for that. My question is are these mood swings normal or is there troubke on the horizon.

Her father and his wife (whom she is living with) is having some problems with her going out every day. In my opinion she is a 32 year old woman but he still sees her as a child. Thats probrobly because he was not around when she was growing up. And she is very concerned about how he feels which of course causes problems for me.
In addition her father is having problems with his (much younger) wife. So that is probrobly rolling over into my relationship.

W

Why look into the horizon? .... why not tackle the ones manifested now - moody, father and her relationship, father and wife issues and impact on her and you .... she's in the land of freedom now!!! :ermm:

 

[miguel]

Oh boy.....

Let me write my famous (in my mind) "before going to breakfast" post:

Make 1,000% sure that you know her well enough before marrying her. The time you spent with her in the DR DO NOT COUNT.

NOW it's the "real deal". NOW is when all the "masks come off", as they say.

As of right now, it looks like you WILL have A LOT of problems with her and her family for years to come.

ANY father would "throw a fit" if his daughter relocates to a NEW country and all she does is go out every day, whether she is 2 or 92.

It's understandable that she misses her family and her country BUT if YOU are so important in her life, she should concentrate on making YOU happy. She is 32 so she should know what her priorities are.

I can tell you something right now, and I hope to God that I am wrong:

Your problems will NOT stop after you marry her. If anything, they WILL get worse. The "now picture" is telling me so.

She should concentrate on the two of you. EVERYTHING else should be secondary.

I really wouldn't wish your situation on my worse enemy. It goes back to what I say all the time:

Dating or marrying SOME Dominicans comes with too many problems. I want to be happy when I date someone and NOT deal with so much drama.

Btw: don't make any "drastic decisions" just because you want to "save her" from her environment.

Btw 2: I don't know how old you are but let me tell you that I just turned "96" and I will give you the same advice I would give my son:

Take your time. What's the hurry?. Get to know her well, even if it takes you a year. Only time will tell if she is the right one. Notice the "red flags", concentrate on the "red flags", think hard about those "red flags" and NO DOT make any decisions without thinking about it 100 times. This is NOT the DR, YOU are NOT on vacation anymore, it's a different "ballgame"!.

Good luck and may God have mercy on your soul!.

 

[marliejaneca]

This was stated in the beginning....

seems you got a good girl, if you want to go far in that relationaship don't mix her family in your relationship untill you got to know her, I mean next time you go back to the DR, don't let her mother send a body guard with her.

Take time for you and her, friends and family away for awhile untill you develop your relationship then you will avoid paying for somebody else just for her in case. Her friends or family in the DR who could be going out with you guys, they will be the "Pulidores or Cerruchadores" = "Advisor who are going to tell her or teach her how to rip you off"

Just her not more people,

Good luck

and it is advice from a Dominicano, at that!

Seems like her being with the family is a big problem, just like this post states.
Is there any other alternative to her living situation that you can think of, maybe have her stay with a friend of yours for awhile? Spend as much time as you possibly can with her, without family, to help her through the whole "acclamation" process.
Good Luck, and I wish you the best!
Marlie

 

[Hillbilly]

I am NOT going to go back and reall all of this thread.

I think you should understand something up front: She is going through a major Culture Shock. No IFs ANDs or BUTs.

No matter how sophisticated, educated or travelled, going from the DR home environment to NYC is a freakin' major, major change.

Then, living with a father she hardly knows, after being in the Dr on her own for so long....plus worrying about you and your relationship....it must be very stressful..

Look, take her to Rockefeller Center, go ice skating, do some normal, hand in hand walking up and down 5th avenue....take the ferry to Staten Island....go to Coney Island. Sh!t, just ride the subway from one end of the line to the other....go to the zoo, the botanical gardens, the MET!

Let her get a feel for the city. And for God's sake remember it will get worse before it gets better! Make a six month plan...it will take that long. I can't opine about a wedding in Jan or Feb, but I would certainly ask her opinion...

Can she work inthe City? That would be a great thing...

Good luck and go slow...

HB, wishing you the best....

 

[stallion]

This sounds too good to be true. You might be a safety blanket for her getting to USA, if the plan with her father fails.

 

[suitelady79]

This has been a very intersting story from start to finish. I think the OP got away "scott free" on this one! His novia is now in the country and he didn't have to spend a dime to get her here. I think now that she is here, it's time to have a regular relationship (outside of marriage) and a serious dating period. I would advise that now you should begin to see your new girlfriend as you would any other woman that you met in NYC. If the mood swings persist longer than normal or tolerable to you, I would say, you wouldn't take these mood swings for too long from a regular american girl so definitely don't sweep them under the rug for your new girlfriend. Now that she's here, you don't have to rush into marrige as that could be costly for you if things don't turn out as we all hope they do...and IF you do decide to get married, get a prenup. Although you have been dating for three years long distance, I gotta say, three years of seeing each other 5 or 6 times a year is nothing like being together for three years and seeing each other 5 or 6 times a week.

You are noticing red flags now, so please do yourself a favor and don't sweep them under the rug. Talk to her and try to understand her reason for them and watch and pay attention to her actions and the actions of others around her. Keep your eyes open and DATE, DATE, DATE her until you are absolutely sure that this current mood is only temporary.

 

[canadiangirl858]

suitelady-you are absolutely right.

WBALKE-don't ignore the red flags she is putting up already. Sure she's going to be home sick but she should be happy, she is with the man she says she loves. That should outweigh all the other things. Don't rush into marriage too quickly, put it off for awhile until you date more and really get to know each other. This isn't like being together when you're on vacation. This is real life. She must have known that the adjustment was going to be huge coming to a different country.
Take your time, be cautious and don't ignore the red flags. Ignoring the red flags can cost you in the end.

 

[Audra]

Any updates from the OP? I know its only been a couple of days, just wondering how its going.

 

[AnnaC]

Any updates from the OP? I know its only been a couple of days, just wondering how its going.

We won't hold our breath since in the past he has only updated this thread once a year

 

[WBALKE]

Hi Guys,

I really appreciate your feedback. Things are moving along well. The mood swings are a little less frequent. That?s probably because we have had some discussion around it. I am simply trying to feel my way through this process. My novia is currently enrolled in an English program. In addition she is trying to find employment. Things at her dad's house haven?t improved much. She has a brother that had to relocate to the living room pull out sofa since she arrived. Needless to say that has added to her stress. Her dad?s wife has been complaining as well. I think that she is dealing with that situation as best as she can. But I know that she misses her family in the DR. One thing that I have always noticed about her from the beginning, she is very close to her family.

I am enjoying getting to know her again. The time we spend here is much different than the vacations in the DR (as expected). We are not rushing things. I know that she would get married today if I said, however she hasn?t been pushing me. She does occasionally bring it up. We spent Thanksgiving together with her family at her aunts home. We plan to spend Christmas with my family. I will continue to keep you guys posted.
W

 

[shadInToronto]

I am enjoying getting to know her again. The time we spend here is much different than the vacations in the DR (as expected). We are not rushing things. I know that she would get married today if I said, however she hasn?t been pushing me. She does occasionally bring it up. We spent Thanksgiving together with her family at her aunts home. We plan to spend Christmas with my family. I will continue to keep you guys posted.
W

Good luck ... blue in the face ... ahhhhhh, breathe easier now

 

[cuas]

Dominicans are and will be close to their family.
It doesnot matter how old she is, it is a no-no going out every night and new to this country. My daughter -22 raised in NY when she comes home from school we have a problem if she goes out every night. We dominicans do not sleep if somebody is out. If you are taking her out every night you are part of her problems. To us this is very disrespectful, more if there are younger children in the house because we think they will copy. Younger children will think she is being treated different.
I guess there are a lot of argueing between father and wife.
She has to adapt to their life until she can move out. I went to the same situation. I lived with 3 family with no life until I could be on my own. I was waiting for the right time to bath, to go to sleep, I was jumping to wash the dishes. It was like hell and I was an accountant in DR, but going out every night make things worst.
She needs a job urgent whatever she can find to put money on the table and always remember you cannot take her out and just drop her back.
She is not on vacation She is expected to go out to look for a job.
I am not critizicing. I am just saying things the way they are.

 

[WBALKE]

Cuas,

I agree with your posting. I am not complaining about my novia's family. I am certain that I would behave the same way that he does. One of the things that I always respected about her was her high regard for her family. I hope that those very same characteristics roll over into our own family.

 

[Pib]

I am NOT going to go back and reall all of this thread.

I think you should understand something up front: She is going through a major Culture Shock. No IFs ANDs or BUTs.

What he said.

I feel that some posters are downplaying the situation she finds herself in, specially if to culture shock, loss of independence, missing her family you add the situation at her dad's home.

And about getting married, don't people just move together anymore? I, for one, would encourage my child to have a trial period before getting married. But that's just me.

 

[WBALKE]

Hey Guys,

I just thought I send an update. Things with my Novia and I are continuing to move along well, however things between she and her dad appear to be getting progresivly worse. The most recent event I really dont understand. Last Tuesday my novia's grandmother passed (on her moms side). The death was but sudden and unexpected. My Novia's mom took the loss very hard (as expected). I Her gradmother lives in the DR. I told my novia that I would buy her a ticket to return for a week to comfort her mom and that I would come down a few days later (Due to my job I was unable to leave with her). She said fine, of course. Her dad fliped out. He told her that if she went to the DR, she could not come back to his home. That really isint a problem because we had been making plans to move in together anyway. I thought his response was very strange. As you can imagine,this made a stressfull time for my Novia even worse. I went to pick her up to take her to the airport yesterday and her father never even said good bye. Can someone enlightmen me on the relationship that Dominican men have with their daughters? Is this behaivior normal? I look forward to hearing from you.

W

 

[Marazul]

Oh my jesus christ! lol ... haaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahahaha ... i didnt know how impressive was the rating for us the dominican girls! ..... I just showed my BF this post with all this stuff... just hilarious .... I told him he wan the lottery with me muahahahahahaha

 

[Marazul]

Oh right by the way... My daddy is lovely with me.... i totally love him and he supports me in everything ... even with my parents been divorced like 8 years ago we keep in touch very well and always ask me if im ok .