After reading so many "we were in love after 10 minutes and married six months later" stories. I was wondering for the expats who live outside of the tourist fantasy zone and have developed friendships with regular (hate that word but you get the idea) Dominicans or have a serious mature relationship with a Dominican (Chirimoya, bob saunders, etc). What is the norm for courtship among this group? On average, how long is vetting period before a relationship is establish? For a gringo who married someone who didn't need saving from a life of abject poverty what was the process like? I know each case is unique but some anecdotal evidence from your personal relationship or observation of others would be nice. I am looking for situations where the individuals, be it two Dominicans or foreigner and Dominican, share a comparable educational and socioeconomic background.
- Thread starter xamaicano
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Serious Dominican Dating
Alida and I are like that. We dated for 4+ years (I came down 6-8 times a year for 10 days-2 weeks at a time) before I moved down. That was over 3.5 years ago, so we've been together for 8 years now. She comes from a fine family, speaks outstanding English, has a superior university edumacation and legal US residency. Neither of us has kids, she's not been married before, I'm late 50's, she's mid 40's.
It's definitely possible but not that common.
It's definitely possible but not that common.
I met and dated my wife for over 4 years before we married. She was living with her mom and I would go pick her up and take her out, bring her home and sit outside and talk about life. We did date a few month before getting "more serious". I lived and worked in the DR during that time and like many gringos there I often struggled to make any money. She stayed with me when I was basically broke and also forgave my digressions. It's often hard to tell if a Dominican girl/woman really cares about you or if it's just opportunity she sees. I think the best advice is to be realistic about it all. I, like many, see the 65 year old guy with the 20 year old hot girl and listen to him praise all her domestic and loving qualities. Find someone who is within a reasonable age difference and compatible with you on a mental level. Unless you speak Spanish it will be very difficult to know this. I could go on and on............
I met my now-ex-husband in Cabarete when I was down on a fam-trip (travel agent at the time...) we had a veryyyyyy brief courtship that soon lead to a baby and a wedding, in that order 
Although he wasn't faithful, I don't really put that simply on him being Dominicano; bad luck, bad timing and 2 people not meant to be locked together was more like it. Now I've moved back so he can share in being a part of our daughter's life and it's been great! He's a great dad, and a really wonderful friend.
I've met so many Dominicans that I absolutely adore, although as a tall blonde I've learned, unfortunately, to be a bit wary of men (there have been some negative things and you have to have your wits bout you!)
Essentially, it's eyes open. Be open to finding love but not blind There are plenty of amazing people here
Although he wasn't faithful, I don't really put that simply on him being Dominicano; bad luck, bad timing and 2 people not meant to be locked together was more like it. Now I've moved back so he can share in being a part of our daughter's life and it's been great! He's a great dad, and a really wonderful friend.
I've met so many Dominicans that I absolutely adore, although as a tall blonde I've learned, unfortunately, to be a bit wary of men (there have been some negative things and you have to have your wits bout you!)
Essentially, it's eyes open. Be open to finding love but not blind
There are plenty of amazing people here
A throwback to earlier days.
She brought a girlfriend when we met. There was often family around. It took literally months before her mother would meet me, and when she did she gave me the third degree with a VERY firm face.
They didn't need or trust gringos with their daughter/sister.
It took forever to win their trust. But you know what? It was worth it. It made me shed my instant gratification skin for something bigger than me: the respect of an entire family. The certainly didn't need money, including mine.
I'm a lucky guy. Her? Maybe not as much?
Many DR1ers know Alida and her poor taste in men...
My husband comes from a very old Dominican family on both sides, and they were rather conservative/old-fashioned back then. We met November 1975, married December 1976. I was 25, he was 27. I had gone to SD with a group of girlfriends to get away from cold NYC, and one of the girls introduced all of us to him [she was dating one of his friends]. First few days we were all together as a group, then we went out alone, to restaurants, dancing, a show at the Mauna Loa, etc. The following July I met the rest of his family. I found out that I was the first girlfriend his family had ever met, because they believed that you only introduced a girl to your family if you wanted to marry her.
Our educations were very similar, our family values very similar, both of us had good jobs - just in different countries. He already spoke English, already had a US visa when we met. During the year between meeting and marrying we each traveled back and forth several times. Had a rather traditional dating experience.
Mr. AE is most likely related to Mrs. Cobraboy, aka Alida - same surname from same area, and it's not a common one, one day we'll figure out the connection if we do some digging.
Next week is our 35th anniversary. One son, one daughter, two grandsons.
More than a few predicted it wouldn't last
AE
Our educations were very similar, our family values very similar, both of us had good jobs - just in different countries. He already spoke English, already had a US visa when we met. During the year between meeting and marrying we each traveled back and forth several times. Had a rather traditional dating experience.
Mr. AE is most likely related to Mrs. Cobraboy, aka Alida - same surname from same area, and it's not a common one, one day we'll figure out the connection if we do some digging.
Next week is our 35th anniversary. One son, one daughter, two grandsons.
More than a few predicted it wouldn't last
AE
I GOTTA' say... it is SO nice to hear a few uplifting positive stories here instead of the usual sankie / tourista or creeper gringo / dominicana gold digger tale of woe. You guys and gals put a smile on my face! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
AlterEgo, not only are you an inspiration to us Expats and Dominicans alike, your 35 years together are also inspiring and refreshing to hear in such a jaded world! My parents were madly in love for 40 years, and would have wished for another 40 more had my dad not passed away...
It's sad that it's so rare to see a happy marriage anywhere these days...but it can work and you're a testament to it Happy, happy anniversary!
To everybody else, I agree. I'm so happy to see these positive posts! <3
It's sad that it's so rare to see a happy marriage anywhere these days...but it can work and you're a testament to it
Happy, happy anniversary!To everybody else, I agree. I'm so happy to see these positive posts! <3
We'll get the family elders together, they will be the ones who know. Not too many pale mountain folks with that surname...and I agree, with how wide the family is, no doubt there is a connection...
This is one of the things I was curious about, the vetting process. Something for others who look to venture into a serious relationship in the DR. You make an important point about instant gratification. That and a low tolerance for the rejection usually get gringos into trouble. The unwillingness to make the investment up front ends up being costly in the end.
I wouldn't say that, it seems that is exactly the kind of girl a lot of guys fall for and marry in the DR. They convince themselves that it is the norm in the DR and think nothing of it.
I met my boyfriend of two years at work, and then my boss asked if he could fire him for being a terrible employee (I asked why he hadn't fired him sooner!).
We are both 27 now, and I think the fact that we are from the same socioeconomic background forms the strong base for our relationship.
My "independent" (w/o family in the country) lifestyle means I struggle more then him. His lifestyle means he has a jeepeta and doesn't live with his family.
I guess you could say our beginnings happened exactly ask you would expect in North America. Dinners, drinks, drinks, drunk, movies out, movies in.
Obviously, an "unconventional" relationship in most countries, so if you have questions, ask (and maybe I'll answer!)
We are both 27 now, and I think the fact that we are from the same socioeconomic background forms the strong base for our relationship.
My "independent" (w/o family in the country) lifestyle means I struggle more then him. His lifestyle means he has a jeepeta and doesn't live with his family.
I guess you could say our beginnings happened exactly ask you would expect in North America. Dinners, drinks, drinks, drunk, movies out, movies in.
Obviously, an "unconventional" relationship in most countries, so if you have questions, ask (and maybe I'll answer!)
We met on a flight from the US to DR. I was a flight attendant back then. I was actually dating someone else at the time. We spoke 3-4 x a week by phone for over a year and we would see each other in the US or DR, nothing serious. After about a year we got a bit more serious and decided to live together in the US. He had to go back to the Dominican Republic after his contract with his job was up. I gave up flying and moved to the DR on a trial basis and well the rest is history. We got married about 7 months after I moved to the DR. I did however keep my condo in the US just in case. That was more than 20 years ago and although nothing is perfect, it is still working for us. My spouse already had a visa when I met him so after about 7 yrs into our marriage I filed for US residency for him. He now is a US citizen. We split time between the US and the Dominican Republic. He does not travel as much anymore, he did alot of that for his job. I know there are alot of horror stories out there but believe it or not there are some good ones also. A relationship/marriage is not easy, it takes a lot of work and then add on the difference in culture. For me the work was worth it and YES I would do it over again.
I have been reading this thread, and for most of the time I have been laughing my ass off.
Do not misunderstand me. I totally agree with Robert, and I love the real life story of AE (and I congratulate her and Mr AE, and wish them all the best for their future life together), but guys, this is the internet...
A lot of people on here, are nothing like they are in real life! They claim they are married, but they are not. They claim to be integrated, but they are not. Etc...
As far as the OP goes. Dating is the same everywhere around the world. Aside from the heart, you also have to use our common sense.
If you are serious about a girl or a woman, you will treat her with the respect she deserves. Communicate with her, look for common interests, ideals, future, etc...
If you just want to get into the sack with her ( and I mean, if only that...), you should look further along the road.
Background, money, education are not the most important factors, although they should not be neglected either.
It is the way you feel about each other, the way you can communicate with each other, the shared interests, the same level of intelligence (supported by degrees or not...) which matter.
Do not misunderstand me. I totally agree with Robert, and I love the real life story of AE (and I congratulate her and Mr AE, and wish them all the best for their future life together), but guys, this is the internet...
A lot of people on here, are nothing like they are in real life! They claim they are married, but they are not. They claim to be integrated, but they are not. Etc...
As far as the OP goes. Dating is the same everywhere around the world. Aside from the heart, you also have to use our common sense.
If you are serious about a girl or a woman, you will treat her with the respect she deserves. Communicate with her, look for common interests, ideals, future, etc...
If you just want to get into the sack with her ( and I mean, if only that...), you should look further along the road.
Background, money, education are not the most important factors, although they should not be neglected either.
It is the way you feel about each other, the way you can communicate with each other, the shared interests, the same level of intelligence (supported by degrees or not...) which matter.
Gilberto checked in with a couple of 'likes" in this thread.
If memory serves me well, he was present when Alida and I announced our engagement to over 60 of her relatives at her parents 60th wedding anniversary cook-out at her sisters house.
I announced it in Spanish (with a written script) and she translated my Spanish into English for all. Fun times...
If memory serves me well, he was present when Alida and I announced our engagement to over 60 of her relatives at her parents 60th wedding anniversary cook-out at her sisters house.
I announced it in Spanish (with a written script
) and she translated my Spanish into English for all. Fun times...