Serious replies ONLY

[chillindr]

DavidZ

Thanks! She is a smart girl and that is why I am with her at all times when she is someplace like this...not because I insist but she does. She has no desire to go places alone with him. He has not declared that he loves her or anything else. She was up front at the beginning about everything. So the main concern was physical harm. She works hard for her money and likes the finer things in life. She is paying for her portion of this trip so she is not just going to hand over money to him. As for her falling for him...I don't see that happening. He is not the type of guy she would date if she met him here in the states...she would be friends with him is he treated her as he has so far but that would be the extent of it. So I think I have my answer. Thanks again.

 

[marliejaneca]

Wow, I am impressed. Excellent posts by Chip00, Bob, Planner, David et al.

As a mother, I understand your questioning. I also appreciate the fact that you are a very concerned mother, and seem to be very close to your daughter. You don't see that happening much these days.:tired:

I think with the research you are doing, the conclusions that you and your daughter are coming to, you are on the right track.

As an ex-resident of the DR, I agree with the posts above. Seeing so-called sankies in action, this is a typical behaviour of one setting up for the payoff. When the parents are involved, and are enjoying the relationship (however non-romantic it is) the sankie figures he is in like flynn. I have seen this countless times. I have also witnessed mothers pushing their daughters to explore these relationships, in which I have theories on why. 1)mother living vicariously through daughters' exotic fling 2) daughter moves to DR providing cheap vacations for family:cheeky: I would say that it sounds like you (thank goodness) do not fall into this category. The precedent has been set though, by other families encouraging this type of behaviour.

It is also not uncommon for a "decent" Dominican girl to have a chaperone on dates, so for a "decent" North American girl to have one is something that shouldn't seem odd for a Dominican man, and he will work around that, by being on his best behaviour to gain trust with the chaperone. Once that trust is gained and the guard is let down, then the situation changes.

Since she is not interested in this "boy", there is no need to let her be alone with him. Continue on with being the chaperone, and if he doesn't like it, the friendship wasn't worth it in the first place.

Just my thoughts for the day!

Marlie

 

[chillindr]

Marlie,
After reading other posts I am also impressed with the posts. It is what I was hoping for and not some silly replies.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. I never thought about a couple of the things you said so it was nice to read about a different point of few on how he might be "working his plan".

My daughter and I have a very close relationship and she has been very cautious and upfront even before we knew about sankies.

I am thinking that she will let this fade over the next month.

 

[AnnaC]

One more stupid picture and Vince will be taking a vacation :tired:

 

[xamaicano]

If physical safety is a concern then she should take the same precautions she does back home. However, nobody can trick her into spending money she doesn't want to or having sex if she doesnt want to so unless you believe your daughter to be as stupid as a lot women on here then you really don't need to be this concerned. Sankies don't have magical powers to seduce, these women are willing participants in their delusion. They believe the things these guys tell them because they want to and they sleep with them because that is exactly what they intended to do. Many women come to the island leave just amused by the cheesy come ons. So unless you are convinced your daughter has a desperate hankering for some island love, you are worrying too much.

 

[azuacanadagirl]

??

Your daughter is not interested in a long distance relationship but yet, she had one with a previous dominican (at only 21). If she is beautiful, why is she not dating back home (easier for all concerned). If she wants to dance, she can meet another nice friend to dance with on your next trip and go to the hotel disco (that's safe enough). Why are you tormenting yourself with this if she is not interested in him??? You can meet plenty of nice people on your next trip and leave it at that. If you want to visit Santo Domingo, book a trip there. No?

I have been in a relationship with a Dominican (a lot of heartache) and let me tell you if I can spare my now too young daughter in the future, I certainly will.

How come she has so many friends in the DR? A lot of pretty girls go there, have fun, come back home and have fun here! That's what there young life should be all about. Why pursue this?

 

[chillindr]

She was in a long distance relationship only when her bf went back to the DR for winter instructs. Up until he left for winter instructs he was here and they thought that it would work...it didn't.

As to why she has friends in the DR is because she met a lot of them through her ex. She has friends all over the place..Mexico, Europe, DR and other states here. She keeps in touch with people she meets via email. She loves to travel and when we travel she makes friends...

I would never have thought anything about any of this if the word Sanky had not been mentioned by her friend that lives in Santo Domingo (and he used it by saying his friends call him a Sanky-he never referred to her new friend as one). I would have never thought that this is an "occupation" in the DR.

I am guessing now I should not have even said anything but my concern was not that she would fall in love with him, give him money or anything like that...it was more about IF he decided he was interested in more and IF he is a sanky would a sanky resort to being physical when she would tell him she was not interested even though she has told him that since the beginning.

Thanks to all for your posts....my daughter has read everything and we have talked more and she has decided to just let this die a natural death and not be friends with him or let him know when we are coming. We both appreciate your input and thanks for the honest serious replies.

 

[marliejaneca]

Glad we have been able to help, that is what we are here for (well, at least some of us:cheeky: )

I hope you enjoy your upcoming trip to the DR. If you can, remember to write a trip report!

Marlie

 

[chillindr]

Marlie
Thanks so much. It was great to be able to get such wonderful input. I was a little reluctant to post anything for fear of a lot of nonsense answers but this was great. I mean you always want to give a person the benefit of the doubt but reading past posts made us think even harder about all this. It has just been nice for my daughter to be able to talk to a guy who did not seem to have just one thing on his mind and show it!!! The majority of the guys come on to her so strong and she finds it refreshing to be able to talk about something intelligent for a change and be treated like she has brains.

I will try to report on our trip...our last one was great and I look forward to the next...I was the one that decided our last trip was too short and wanted to go back. It was so relaxing to be able to go and do nothing after 6 years of taking care of my parents.

 

[manunut]

stupid white women..........

this so called friend is a MAJOR LEAGUE sankie.doesent mind speculating to accumulate!
platonic relationships ANYWHERE in the world are difficult to maintain.but if you seriously think this guy does not and will not try to get into yer daughters pants you are NUTZ!
he will try coax her out of the relationship she has with the mini leaguer or may just be content to share her(there not too jealous,when its a bird in the hand case like this).
her holiday will be a nightmare,unless of course she thrives on the attention she is being given.
this guy and the mini leaguer HAVE other chicks dominican and gringa to be-make love to.you think either are sitting around on there Ricks when there is tons of women and OPPERTUNITIES to be had every day?no ,no and no.
i honestly pity you and yer daughter being involved with these clowns.
think about it.if this were a guy from her culture would you be posting on the i.net asking questions as to yer daughters safety and sanity?course you wouldent.
im posted in a couple of the sankie threads you were reccomended to read and i know my stuff on this kind of caper.if your daughter is SO attractive,why doesent she get a lad from home to go out with.im sure there are plenty of fit,good looking blokes where you are from and she would have a 95% better chance of them being faithfull to her and most importantly not screwing(her head)up COMPLEATLY.

 

[chillindr]

manunut

First of all she has many friends that are guys and they respect her. Second the reason she broke up with her boyfriend is because he cheated on her so she knows that this happens. Now if this was a guy from my culture would I be posting...no probably not cause we KNOW our culture and know what goes on. When we took our trip to the DR we had never heard of a sanky and therefore we not even thinking that such a thing existed. It appears that being a sanky is an occupation.

And my daughter IS NOT trying to date this guy. She had a boyfriend up until last week and she broke it off with him last week. Right now she is not interested in going back into a relationship and she does not want a long distance one where he lives in one country and she in another and they would never see each other. Her last boyfriend is the only one that has been Dominican. She even has a guy that was waiting for her to break up with her boyfriend and they are just talking right now.

And no she does not thrive on attention...that is what she liked about this guy...he treated her like she was an intelligent person and not a piece of meat. He has treated her with respect so far. In fact the whole time we were there she was getting "hit" on by the guys (and these were very nice looking guys, unlike the guy I have been talking about) at the hotel. She was told that they love her, that they wanted to take her to the disco, that she should come to their house with them etc...this guy didn't do any of that stuff. I guess he is a more intelligent sanky. She just laughed off the other guys comments and went about her business but it didn't stop them from the same tactic the next time...and they got the same reply each time.

Just curious as to why you are assuming we are stupid white women??

 

[mountainfrog]

Mother and Daughter

...platonic relationships ANYWHERE in the world are difficult to maintain.but if you seriously think this guy does not and will not try to get into yer daughters pants you are NUTZ!...

Not necessarily, he may be gay or bisexual, not uncommon among hotel dancers and /or sankies.

Mind you, the objective is money and / or a visa.
Everything else is of no importance and love has nothing to do with it (which the milking cow would of course not know...).
Whatever has happened so far is totally normal and everything will continue to go its Caribbean way. :laugh:

m'frog

 

[Exxtol]

Before this goes downhill......there are stupid gringos/as of all colors--it's the Dominican sankies/sankiettes that don't know that.

 

[chillindr]

And now it is not even an issue as she has decided not to have any more contact with this guy. So thanks to all who were honest and serious and helped with this decision.

Moderator you can close this post if you like...we are done and have been helped...maybe others will see this BEFORE going and know what to expect. Right now all my daughter and I want is to have a great vacation and we will go back wiser!

 

[AnnaC]

Moderator you can close this post if you like...we are done and have been helped...maybe others will see this BEFORE going and know what to expect. Right now all my daughter and I want is to have a great vacation and we will go back wiser!

Your wish is my command.

Good luck and thanks for posting