Understanding Troubled Dominican Children

[DR Solar]

There is no one near us and although the public education system is supposed to have a child psychiatrist in each district it appears that there is not one. I know nothing about psychiatry but what I believe is that this is not a one off fix. He would need regular visits and I am afraid that is not logically or financially possible when you live in the middle of nowhere with limited access to public transport. We just do the best we can with Dr. google and this thread has been invaluable with advice from those who have been there, done that. Talking with people who have gone through similar issues in the US, with access to the best psychiatrists, drugs, hospitals they have all told me the same. Waste of time and in the end they have had to ask the child to move out or he has been jailed or whatever. Admittedly a small sample. We just do the best we can and fingers crossed it might work - got to give it a chance. Luckily there are no drugs here in the mountains and he has no access to alcohol so that might help.

Matilda

You can guess that I kinda knew the answer about having professional support before I wrote. Keeping living life situations in perspective to others sometimes needs a kick.

Their is NEVER a "one off fix". If their were, we as a people would not have these challenges. It's a one on one, day at a time, baby steps.

My son/s did not do so well. I leaned after a long time of hurt that it was not ME. Our daughter, second wife, turned out to be a challenge also in her teens. (Like WHO has not been their?) But we built the foundation of doing right and "morals?" was instilled her. After her own time of discovery she become a wonderful, happily married, working, wife/partner/equal with a son in law that is her equal raising 2 children of their own. We could not be prouder.

You do what you can. You support as you can. You hope for the best. You get beat down and you get up and do it again.

But sometimes you have to know when to say 'good bye".

Matilda is not near having to say "good bye" yet.

Let's here about some cooking tonight.

 

[DR Solar]

Matilda, i have nothing but admiration for your efforts to make life worthwhile for one of the less fortunates in our midst. for your sake, i hope he does not go completely haywire one day, and compromise your safety.

Even though I.... ME posted about a situation, Matilda HAS NOT indicated that this child has aggressive tendencies.

I stated my case/situation as a "one off" as a kinda be aware of but appears not a concern.

I find your post "the gorgon" way out into causing undo concern that we have already discussed. I've already posted that and pointed out the differences.

IMHO... Your post was scary.

 

[the gorgon]

Even though I.... ME posted about a situation, Matilda HAS NOT indicated that this child has aggressive tendencies.

I stated my case/situation as a "one off" as a kinda be aware of but appears not a concern.

I find your post "the gorgon" way out into causing undo concern that we have already discussed. I've already posted that and pointed out the differences.

IMHO... Your post was scary.

i said i hope he does not go haywire. i made no expert psychological pronouncements. maybe you have extensive expertise in the matter of child psychology. i do not. that is why i said that i hope he does not become unhinged. he obviously has severe behavioral issues, and neither you, nor i, can speak to the little matter of latent violence. well, maybe you have extensive learning in these matters.

 

[DR Solar]

i said i hope he does not go haywire. i made no expert psychological pronouncements. maybe you have extensive expertise in the matter of child psychology. i do not. that is why i said that i hope he does not become unhinged. he obviously has severe behavioral issues, and neither you, nor i, can speak to the little matter of latent violence. well, maybe you have extensive learning in these matters.

From what I have read here or in PMs he has NOT shown severe behavioral issues. You admit that you have NO experience. I admit that each situation is an individual one and in my own case state so.


This is a family situation that concerns and should be concentrated on Matilda. Maybe you should butt out.

 

[the gorgon]

From what I have read here or in PMs he has NOT shown severe behavioral issues. You admit that you have NO experience. I admit that each situation is an individual one and in my own case state so.


This is a family situation that concerns and should be concentrated on Matilda. Maybe you should butt out.

that is not how this works. when you buy the site , then you get to tell me which situation are off limits. i see nothing outrageous about saying I HOPE the guy does not do anything untoward. that does not mean i think he will, or know he will. it means i hope he doesn't.

 

[Matilda]

that is not how this works. when you buy the site , then you get to tell me which situation are off limits. i see nothing outrageous about saying I HOPE the guy does not do anything untoward. that does not mean i think he will, or know he will. it means i hope he doesn't.

Gorgon I understand where you are coming from, and although he is not aggressive at all atm, sometimes when I am telling him not to do something and I look into those blank eyes, I wonder what might happen when he is older. I get it. I am just praying it will never come to that. Thanks for your concern and thanks again to DR solar for his help. Chill pill guys we are all on the same side.

Mat

 

[DR Solar]

let me repeat, since you have me confused with a guy who gives a shyte what you think...

bugger off. leave me the fcuk alone. i don't want to hear anything from you. that should not be hard to understand.

This a PM to me from "the gorgon" after I suggested that he back off on this forum with input on warning of violent behavior and to be scared. I responded that no such thing has taken place and that it is Matilda and her family that are the ones to/are handling this situation.

I know that others have commented on and respectfully so, watch out for home grown advice. I respect that.

 

[the gorgon]

Gorgon I understand where you are coming from, and although he is not aggressive at all atm, sometimes when I am telling him not to do something and I look into those blank eyes, I wonder what might happen when he is older. I get it. I am just praying it will never come to that. Thanks for your concern and thanks again to DR solar for his help. Chill pill guys we are all on the same side.

Mat

thanks, Matilda. here is my thinking....even kids who people think are normal snap sometimes. when kids have severe behavioral defects, it is instinctive to wonder what they will do next.

 

[the gorgon]

let me repeat, since you have me confused with a guy who gives a shyte what you think...

bugger off. leave me the fcuk alone. i don't want to hear anything from you. that should not be hard to understand.

This a PM to me from "the gorgon" after I suggested that he back off on this forum with input on warning of violent behavior and to be scared. I responded that no such thing has taken place and that it is Matilda and her family that are the ones to/are handling this situation.

I know that others have commented on and respectfully so, watch out for home grown advice. I respect that.

i hope you are proud of yourself to post the contents of a PERSONAL MESSAGE. shows how much of a man you are.

by the way, it would not have gotten to this had you not sent me a pm, insulting me for no reason whatsoever, beside the fact that i said i hope nothing negative happens to Matilda.

 

[DR Solar]

I hope that this forum stays on track. Appears that is will shortly go off the tracks. As most forums do.

Matilda has my PM. I'm good with that so talk may continue. It's nice to have a friend.

 

[DR Solar]

i hope you are proud of yourself to post the contents of a PERSONAL MESSAGE. shows how much of a man you are.

by the way, it would not have gotten to this had you not sent me a pm, insulting me for no reason whatsoever, beside the fact that i said i hope nothing negative happens to Matilda.

OK whimppy... you got a little pimmpy. Sorry.

When you attack someone in real life or PM that is truly outstanding; then it needs to be shared. Nice Job buddy.

 

[DR Solar]

Look. This is about Matilda and her family . Someone is sending my none stop PMs that are not nice at all.

This is about the OP and Matilda. That's where I'll stay.

 

[the gorgon]

OK whimppy... you got a little pimmpy. Sorry.

When you attack someone in real life or PM that is truly outstanding; then it needs to be shared. Nice Job buddy.

you started this. i don't recall sending anyone a pm laced with insults until someone sent me one.

 

[AlterEgo]

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming......

Carry on 

 

[porkman100]

i said i hope he does not go haywire. i made no expert psychological pronouncements. maybe you have extensive expertise in the matter of child psychology. i do not. that is why i said that i hope he does not become unhinged. he obviously has severe behavioral issues, and neither you, nor i, can speak to the little matter of latent violence. well, maybe you have extensive learning in these matters.

Gorgon...you are absolutely correct....you need NOT be a psychologist or behavior scientist.....
It is gonna happen...period...when this boy starts getting a hormone change and physical strength....and no brain to control it...its gonna be violence.
You cant argue with Hog wash P.c. and people that believe in it.
I appreciate that you and berzin were the only ones w/ some sanity in this matter.
I have seen it time and again...this situation is very predictable.

 

[jd426]

A lot of good points made on both sides . always err on the side of Caution with abused children.
My only contribution, ( from personal experience with 2 separate cased of abused kids) watch their behavior around Animals . If they show a tendency for Cruelty to any animals, you need to be very careful and get professional help. I have seen this in several boys .. its not a Cliche or some profiling joke, its real ..it starts around this age or 12, 13 .. Just be on the lookout for it .
Also make sure you keep every single one of your promises with these kind of kids.. IF you say you gonna do something like buy him a baseball glove or whatever, make sure you follow through 100% .. they cant handle nor understand excuses.(this imo starts much earlier at like age 8 or 9)
thats all it got.

 

[KyleMackey]

Some of you are doing God's work, and bless you.

 

[Auryn]

Fresh out of university, just a little over ten years ago, I started my career as a teacher.  Up until the last 2-3 years, I worked with many kids who suffered from the effects of fetal alcohol syndrome, ODD, and abandonment/neglect. I'm not saying I know what's wrong with the kid or why he's acting the way he is, but I'm going to post something that helped me when I felt all hope was lost.
In addition to the fantastic advice you've got here so far,  what helped me was this: Kids that are exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero or who are not nutured and loved early on do not develop the same neurological pathways as other children. The pathways are simply not there.  In order to develop healthy responses and behaviours, those pathways must be developed with diligent consistency, routine, and patience.
Also, Jd's post about how the kid treats animals is dead on.  Try to always remember that you're fighting a good fight and keep reaching out  

 

[DR Solar]

Very good information Auryn and jd426. Each case/child can be different but some have a common related background. Not over reacting is important but knowing what to be on the watch for is very important.

I also think that working with him and encouraging him to expand on things that he likes is a good way to focus him. As we gets better and gains self confidence his self esteem rises. Even if he does not do well at times, point out anything good that you can find.

You mentioned baseball? Don't know how that would work being a team sport and could set him up for let downs. You also mentioned here or in a PM (sorry, telling again) that he liked to cook/bake and is really good at it. What a wonderful door of opportunity for you and him that might be explored. Perhaps working up to selling some at the corner store after doing a costs analysis; including the LPG for cooking. He gains interest and is learning business skills while he can make a few pesos.

As I wrote above, I was pretty much a lone kid at/before his age. I baked out of a box. My mother gave me the 1960's "I Hate To Cook" book. (Amazon for U.S. .01 but could not find one in Spanish.) I expanded my skills and it kept me out of trouble.... I think. I used those skills and continued learning in the kitchen most of my life and used some of those skills in business too. I gave a copy to my young daughter 35 years ago. We both still have them.

I hope that you all are doing well. I hope that you have not been over whelmed with here and in PMs.

 

[GringoRubio]

I'm reminded of an Italian women who in her 20's visited Nicaragua. There she discovered a vast number of urchins on the street that when she offered her "doggie" bag from an restaurant, they tore into it. After her trip, she spent several weeks moping before she sold all her belongings, broke up with her boyfriend and moved to Nicaragua to help the boys.

They rejected her.

They were like wild animals in the streets and very skittish. Los Quinchos was a derogatory term for them like coachroaches. They'd throw rocks at her. And she started to throw the rocks back. She described it as a language of rocks, but it was the first way that she could communicate with the boys. It was their first language until trust and love could take root.

Los Quinchos is now an orphanage that takes kids off the street and provides education and guidance. They even field a soccer team that often takes home the annual trophy for best team. And, also provide a home for girls.

The kids are like snowflakes. They each have their own constellation of issues and are in different stages of recovery.