Besar la mano?

[Matilda]

I keep hearing this. Fathers talking to sons, mothers to daughters. From what I can gather the Dad says to his son besa (sp?) la mano. The son then says sion padre (bendicion?) and then the Dad says Dios te bendiga mi hijo.

I have been told it can only be said between certain relatives, but here in the campo they say it all the time to their kids. Can someone explain exactly what it means, when it should be said, by whom to whom and correct my spelling!

Thanks

Matilda

 

[pollogringo]

In a word, respect. Even reverence, displayed towards an older relative. Children towards parents, godparents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles. It's often combined with the asking of a blessing, that's been shortened to simply, "Ci?n mami o "Ci?n papi".

Example: Twenty-something woman calls her sister's home and her five-year-old niece answers. The child simply says hello and the aunt lightly and affectionately scolds, "Besa la mano a t?a". The niece says, "Ci?n t?a" which is rewarded with "Dios te bendiga". I think it's dumb. Because it's just a formality. The instilling of respect is paramount, but that's not achieved by repeating words that you're scolded to repeat, IMO.

 

[pollogringo]

In my twenty-plus years observing the custom I see it as having more to do with the insecurity of the slighted relative. My ex-wife always opened a conversation with her parents with "Ci?n mami o "Ci?n papi" so as not to offend them, though she too thought that it was pointless formality. For that reason, she never scolded her nieces and nephews about it. It's a nice sentiment behind the practice, but its meaning has mostly been lost.

 

[pollogringo]

Twelve pages on another forum. Very interesting.

http://www.dominicantoday.com/dr/forum/living-in-the-dr/general-info/4503/Bendicion/1

 

[Matilda]

Thanks so much pollogringo. Just trying to understand!

Matilda

 

[pollogringo]

Thanks so much pollogringo. Just trying to understand!

Matilda

It's a case of people repeating what they've been taught to repeat without ever pausing to ask why. In the thread I shared with you one guy claims his step-father actually demanded that he kneel before him when greeting him.

 

[MerengueDutchie]

Like Pollo said, it is used as a formalised ritual in which the younger gives a sign of respect to the older generation

Personally, I've mostly heard the full version 'Bendicion Mama' or"Bendicion Papa' used.. and full Bendiciones given, hand on head and all...

It's sometimes used jokingly given Dominican family relations - the grown son of the oldest child being jokingly told to 'beso la mano a tio'; which is a kid a few years his junior...

 

[Aguaita29]

Besar la mano is like a greeting of appreciation between a child and and his/her godmother/godfather or a relevant older relative in the family.
You don`t need to be related. Sometimes your best friends` children get to call you aunt or uncle and they will ask for your blessing too.

 

[NV_]

This is one of those stupid dr/pr traditions that infuriate me to no end. Truly ticks me off when someone in my wifes family asks my son to "besar la mano". Once I reazlied he got uncomfortable everytime someone asked him to "besar la mano" I told him he didnt have to...

I know I make a bigger deal out of it than it is but its just another way for the dominicans to make themselves feel better about being such bad parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles. ie: My sons grandmother (wifes mother who my son isnt that fond of anyways) always says to my son "besar la mano" and my son (6yrs old) just looks at her like shes crazy (she is crazy though). Not because of disrespect but because my son is smart and realizes at this young age that this grandma isnt that nice of a person. On the other hand, he adores my mother (which has never asked to besar la mano--- cubans) and treats her accordingly.

In other words, besar la mano, is just another way for crappy dominican parents to make children show respect for them.... when they dont deserve it.

 

[pollogringo]

This is one of those stupid dr/pr traditions that infuriate me to no end. Truly ticks me off when someone in my wifes family asks my son to "besar la mano". Once I reazlied he got uncomfortable everytime someone asked him to "besar la mano" I told him he didnt have to...

I know I make a bigger deal out of it than it is but its just another way for the dominicans to make themselves feel better about being such bad parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles. ie: My sons grandmother (wifes mother who my son isnt that fond of anyways) always says to my son "besar la mano" and my son (6yrs old) just looks at her like shes crazy (she is crazy though). Not because of disrespect but because my son is smart and realizes at this young age that this grandma isnt that nice of a person. On the other hand, he adores my mother (which has never asked to besar la mano--- cubans) and treats her accordingly.

In other words, besar la mano, is just another way for crappy dominican parents to make children show respect for them.... when they dont deserve it.

You've said a lot there. Excellent observation.

 

[bronzeallspice]

Besar la mano is a Dominican tradition used among Dominicans. Those who are not will find it's stupidity, ridiculous. Every country has their traditions, China, Japan, Korea, etc. where certain greetings are said out of respect whether the person feels it's deserving or not.

 

[Matilda]

Interestingly I see it used in different ways. I sort of part time foster a 6 year old Dominican boy and his (violent and absent) father when he sees him shouts at him to besa la mano. It is definitely demanding respect and instilling fear. On the other hand in the campo it seems to be used by what appear to be good parents, very god fearing Catholics, in a more loving way, such as vaya con Dios.

Matilda

 

[AlterEgo]

A lot of our nieces and nephews greet Mr. AE with 'bendicion tio'.

I've never heard the 'besar la mano'

 

[bronzeallspice]

Interestingly I see it used in different ways. I sort of part time foster a 6 year old Dominican boy and his (violent and absent) father when he sees him shouts at him to besa la mano. It is definitely demanding respect and instilling fear. On the other hand in the campo it seems to be used by what appear to be good parents, very god fearing Catholics, in a more loving way, such as vaya con Dios.

Matilda

Matilda those who use it in that way are abusive.

 

[bronzeallspice]

A lot of our nieces and nephews greet Mr. AE with 'bendicion tio'.

I've never heard the 'besar la mano'

If the nieces or nephews do not say bendicion Tio then it's asked of them to besar la mano.

 

[pollogringo]

A lot of our nieces and nephews greet Mr. AE with 'bendicion tio'.

I've never heard the 'besar la mano'

Greeting him that way is besarle la mano.

 

[AlterEgo]

If the nieces or nephews do not say bendicion Tio then it's asked of them to besar la mano.

Ah, I get it now..... Well Mr. AE would never say that.

 

[pollogringo]

Not saying that all tradition is stupid, bronzie. For example, in many cultures including the Dominican culture, hospitality is shown to guests. A drink or a snack. Some places, the insistence is great and you're expected to eat a meal, not just a shot of coffee or a glass of water. I've always offered a whisky or a coffee or soda to guests.

Many Dominicans themselves see the formality of besar la mano as having lost its original charm and meaning and observe it being abused by insecure adults to extract undeserved respect from their "inferiors". No one is saying that it's always used that way. It's usually, as you know, not a huge ceremony but rather a quick exchange.

 

[pollogringo]

Ah, I get it now..... Well Mr. AE would never say that.

That's the point. If the kids are trained to say it, all well and good. But if they're not or they simply forget, an adult doesn't need to scold them so that they do. That's what sometimes happens.

 

[Chip]

I've heard the "besar la mano" but the 'cion part, never, I always hear bendicion.

As far as whether this is an outdated tradition, interesting it's the atheists who always say that. Wishful thinking. Dominican culture is replete with Catholic traditions so much so that people who aren't formally religious use them. Therefore, it shouldn't be assumed that all of Dominican society is playing lip service to this Catholic tradition just because the people one associates with do, pues obvio.