Should I help the baby

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jackcrew

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I am not new to the DR1 forums. I have heard all the various ways some Dominicans take advantage of various tourists and foreigners (and vice-verse). I do not need a lecture from any of you because I can give it to myself. But I am having a moment of weakness and could use some basic advice.

My friend (Dominican male, 27, out of work for months, not married) just had his first baby. I have known about the baby's pending arrival for months. It was a girl born September 11, 2011. My friend texted me about the birth and I sent him $100 US as a gift for this special day.

Today I received another text from my friend. The baby is sick and needs medicine. I believe that Dominicans receive universal health care. I have also heard that medicine isn't always covered. I told my friend that I cannot help him (although I can; but I am suspicious from reading all the postings on this site and other places). Now guilt is eating at my soul. I have the means to help a baby but I am not.

Now that you know the background and the situation, what advice can you offer? Am I right not to interfere? Am I wrong not to help a baby when I have the means to do so? What is the Dominican health care system and does the baby receive the medicine she deserves? Those who know the country please help.

Thanks
 
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AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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I don't blame you for being suspicious. You might want to ask your friend exactly what is wrong with the baby and what kind of medicine she needs. We have a poster here on DR1 who's hubby owns a pharmacy and she can tell you if this medicine is expense.
 
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RacerX

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Nov 22, 2009
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Nope. It aint your child. What more can I say?

If the child is truly sick the family of the child will pool their money together to purchase the appropriate medicine.

When you get these pleas dont say anything. Just say the same thing you would say to me or anyone else: I hope that works out for you. Dont worry about it, it will be fine in the end. She'll pull through.
But never offer any loot. Now you can send money for Xmas or her birthday but nothing more than that. I personally would only send money for the birthday.

Your guilt? Take it out behind the shed and club it to death. If they are asking you for the money they already have a line on it and you are rewarding them to do whatever they want to with no remorse. Why? Because "you have so much and I have so little. And it is nothing to you." What is your self-respect worth to you?
 
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jackcrew

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AnnaC
I tried that. My friend did not know. He said the hospital was treating the baby but he needed to pay the bill. I even tried to be sneaky and told him another friend of mine who lives in the same city could pay for the medicine directly. He said, "Ok." That made me more confused. Based on reports on DR1, I was calling his bluff and he should have said something like "don't worry about it." But he said give his number to my friend so they could work something out. That has really made me question my decision.
 
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jrjrth

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Mar 24, 2011
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~Offer your condolances and tell him you are out of work tooooooooooooooooo

He will move onto his next "Cash Cow"....its a harsh thought, however a necessary evil on your behalf..
 
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AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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So the baby was in the hospital? If you do have a friend in the DR have them go to the hospital to find out what the bill is. He might be calling your bluff not sure but that would be a good way to find out.

And for those that live in the DR can you answer the question about health care in the DR. Does a Dominican have to pay to be in a public hospital?
 
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Acira

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Sep 20, 2009
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I don't think they have to pay to have a bed in the hospital but almost everything else has to be paid for such as the medicines even when admitted into hospital.
 
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jackcrew

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Acira,
What happens if the parents cannot pay? Surely the hospital still treats the baby, right? Does the hospital provide the medicine while under treatment? I cannot imagine a hospital letting a baby suffer because the family is poor.
 
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Acira

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jackcrew said:
Acira,
What happens if the parents cannot pay? Surely the hospital still treats the baby, right? Does the hospital provide the medicine while under treatment? I cannot imagine a hospital letting a baby suffer because the family is poor.
Click to expand...

They will treat the baby of course but parents will be presented with the bill before leaving the hospital. I think there was already a topic on this on how some people couldn't leave the hospital because they couldn't pay for the bill or due to a mistake in billing between two different patients.
Fact is that Dominicans who have a relative in hospital will make sure they know how much the cost will be before the patient leaves the hospital and every member of the extended family will give his share in paying for the bill.
 
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EverythingJeff

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A baby is a difficult thing to ignore. Can you offer assistance in other ways? A trusted friend to give cash which becomes diapers or formula directly? This allows your friend to save his money for those tough situations.
 
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belmont

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Oct 9, 2009
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jackcrew said:
Acira,
What happens if the parents cannot pay? Surely the hospital still treats the baby, right? Does the hospital provide the medicine while under treatment? I cannot imagine a hospital letting a baby suffer because the family is poor.
Click to expand...
This ain't Kansas. Most times the public hospitals are out of suppies, particularly medications. They provide what they have to those that need, but the family is relied upon to pay for things the hospital doesn't have, meaning medications, dressings, etc.
 
Z

zoomzx11

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Jan 21, 2006
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If you pay more it will go on forever. You have done more than enough. There are no pay hospitals where the baby will get care in the DR. Dominican fathers are not known for their caring and supportive nature when it comes to children. Dominican women care for the kids. Your money will more likely be spent at the new girlfriends hair salon. Sounds cold but that is the culture.
 
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belmont

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Oct 9, 2009
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Acira said:
They will treat the baby of course but parents will be presented with the bill before leaving the hospital. I think there was already a topic on this on how some people couldn't leave the hospital because they couldn't pay for the bill or due to a mistake in billing between two different patients.
Fact is that Dominicans who have a relative in hospital will make sure they know how much the cost will be before the patient leaves the hospital and every member of the extended family will give his share in paying for the bill.
Click to expand...
Acira, don't confuse a private Clinic with a public hospital. Public hospitals provide what they can, with no charge to the patient. Problem is, if they don't have it, you won't get it. A private clinic is well stocked, but expects payment or guarantee of payment. They have been known to hold babies hostage for payment.
 
AlterEgo

AlterEgo

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Jan 9, 2009
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I hate to say this, but I'm getting a flashback to the threads started by Amstellite. They sucked him in bit by bit.

It's VERY hard to tell you what to do, with all I know and have seen in DR I'd be second-guessing myself too. It's what they count on. That $100 you sent must have seemed like a small fortune, and since you sent it without being asked your friend is almost obligated to see what you will send if he asks!

What city does your friend and his child live in?

AE
 
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Acira

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I am talking about public hospitals. They do run out of basic stuff and its up to the family to get those things themselves most of the time at pharmacists, pay for it and bring the stuff to the hospital themselves.
You could be right about the final billing that there is a difference between a private clinic and a public hospital.
 
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william webster

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Jan 16, 2009
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Surely the message is getting through here.

This is pure advice - no name calling or stone throwing.

Take it or leave it.

Hopefully, it has salved your guilt and helped you decide on a plan.

Good luck
 
J

jackcrew

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AlterEgo.
My friend lives in Santo Domingo. I believe the baby's mother was sent to Barahona to stay with her family during and after the pregnancy. In that case, I would assume the baby and the family are in Barahona. I did not ask about the hospital or its location.

I too have no desire to get sucked into any of this type of mess. Which is why I said "no" to begin with. It is one thing for a stranger to tell you their baby is sick. I would simply give my condolences and wish them well. But when a friend says their baby is sick, then asks for money for medicine, it puts a whole different spin on the situation. As an American, any friend that must ask for money for a sick baby will get it from me. But only a friend.

I don't know how to think when it comes to Dominicans. I don't know the health care system; I don't know how babies are treated; I don't know many things about the culture, etc. That is why I am asking advice. Plus I gave $100 a week ago. This money could have been used for many things such as diapers or clothes or a big bottle of Rum to celebrate. I don't care how the money was spent. Maybe it was used to pay the hospital bill when the baby was born. Again....I thought that was free under Dominican health care.

I understand all the advice people are giving me...and I appreciate it. I don't want to be the sugar daddy of the baby. I have no desire to be the "rich uncle" that forks over cash for every little thing. I have already said "No, but I hope the baby gets well soon." My friend said "Ok mi amigo. muchagrasia." (He is a bad speller)

But regardless of all that, I still feel like a bad person. I could have helped but I didn't. Perhaps the best advice was the one given earlier to take my guilt behind the shed and beat it with a club. Yet I still feel like a bad human being.
 
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