- Thread starter care bear
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Ladies Beware!!
I'm sorry to hear that care bear, pick up the broken pieces and carry on, you will be ok. There is always money to be made, it's your health and sanity that need taking care of after such a harsh reality.
If you ever need to chat, you can pm me anytime!! Or start a thread of your own, if you need to just let it out, thats the beauty of DR1, you can openly express yourself and your feelings, if anyone can learn from your misfortune...it's a bonus.
Of course you will encounter some criticism, but thats to be expected...i would rather face criticism by these good people that i havent even met, rather than criticism from coworkers- friends and family -behind my back.
you are in good hands!!
best of luck to you lady!
Thanks so much for your kind words. It will take me a while to get out of debt. However, I just want to be able to help someone else from going through what I am. It is very difficult to face my co-workers and friends but all have been supportive. I feel very stupid and used at this point but as time passes I will heal I am sure!
Ladies.. I fell in love with a nice, sweet Dominican man and then married him. All was good until I got married. Then all of the sudden he didn't work anymore, he needed money for everything. He has bled me dry and I owe thousands of dollars. I was still in the process of getting him to Canada. I have withdrawn my application to sponsor him after a very valuable lesson. When I met him, people told me to be careful!! However.. he seemed ok!! I have been sankified!! Please..please..please be careful!! Even though your man seems genuine, he may not be in the long run. Sorry if I have gotten anyones backs up but I am just trying to save someone the same grief and humiliation!! My back was up when I was warned and I must say I have learned a very valuable lesson I will never forget!
S
sokitoumi
Guest
im interested to know how long you knew him before you decided to get married and how many times did you actually meet or were you living here at the time- sorry to be nosey but you did post your story here-im trying to work out at what point people decide on marriage
Dont dwell on it and dont feel a fool for too long, we all make mistakes and are taken for a ride one way or another, the important thing is that you caught on ON TIME, before it got any worse.
You have lost some money and time, but you havent lost your self respect as you are smart enough to have put an end to it and no stay on like some do. And more importantly you have gained some knowledge, hard lesson to learn, but draw out the good from it.
Dont worry so much about what others are thinking or saying, at the end of the day, what matters is you picking up the pieces and moving along. GOOD LUCK
would you mind telling us what happened? Time line? how did you guys meet?
how long were you together, his family? his change etc? Maybe someone else reading can see some signs and not fall prey to someone else.
I don't mean any disrespect but how did he manage to manipulate you to the point of losing so much money?
I can understand occassionaly or once or twice being suckered into a lie but I don't understand when it continues to the point of financial hardship for the one sending the money.
I'm not saying its your fault because I don't know the situation and I'm sure most people wouldn't give if they knew upfront that it is a scam....I'm more curious how he managed to get you to this point.
It might help others in a similar situation.
We met at a resort and quickly became friends. We talked, I shred a not so happy story about my life. We progressed quickly!! We met in Feb/06 and were married July/07. He was like a dream come true... respected me like no one ever has. I paid for all of our marriage needs. After we were married he started asking for money. 250 us, 300us, 350us, 400 us etc. It was frequently. He seemed to stop working, said he lost his job!! Seemed to have difficulty finding one. Frequently asked for cash so he could get a police check for a "job". Started telling me he was starving and had no power because he couldn't afford it. He would say he had no money to buy minutes for his phone. His brother died and said they needed money so asked me and I sent 250 us for this. Then phoned to tell me his mom was starving and needed food. When I would say I had no money... he would get upset and then he would get a friend to call and tell me that _______ didn't want to speak with you because he was very upset and needed money. I would dip into my visa or credit line to give him the cash or I would simply go without! If I would call and he still hadn't got money he would ask me to call him back and when I did one of his friends would answer and say Jordan was at the hospital because he was very sick as he has no food and needs me to send him money. This past summer has been unbearable as if he didn't get his way he would accuse me of lying and cheating with another man. He would also tell me I didn't have extra money as I had given it to my friends!! It was very stressful!! I do say.. he was a perfect gentleman when we met!! It all turned when we got married. I am hoping that anyone reading this may see the warning signs before I did of something they are going through. If you need more info. please do not hesitate to ask!!
Care bear, can you tell me something that I have written before. It's called reflection. When you first met did you tell a sad story and he has one just like it or he understands totally what you are saying. Or he empathized with everything you have gone through in your life and seemed to listen to every word you said?
Did it feel like you found your soul mate?
Did he ever make any promises with words but never delivered for whatever reason?
Did it feel like you found your soul mate?
Did he ever make any promises with words but never delivered for whatever reason?
I told a story of my life I was trying to flee. He was very sypathetic! I did feel like I had found my soul mate for life...my best friend! He promised he would make me happy and be there for me! I know I shouldn't have kept giving money...however, I am the type of person that tries to help everyone and doesn't ask for much in return. For those people that wonder how it could go so far... you don't know until you walk in the shoes!!
Care Bear,
many people have found themselves in your shoes before including myself - although he was not Dominican. It can happen with anyone, anywhere. For me it was the Canadian/Jamaican version of a sankie. Always broke, short money for his phone, for food, for his kids you name it he didn't have the money for it.
I think as women we try to nuture and care - and if that means helping out with money we do not hesitate if we believe that we are in a genuine relationship with that person. It is only after we find out about the lies (and there are always plenty of them) that we see that we were in a committed relationship by ourselves - the only person your partner cared about was themselves.
It's tough to admit to yourself never mind to your family and friends. At least you found the courage to cancel your sponsorship. Despite all the bad things that still had to be very difficult to do.
It is a hard life lesson but one I'm sure you will not forget and not repeat.
Best of luck to you.
many people have found themselves in your shoes before including myself - although he was not Dominican. It can happen with anyone, anywhere. For me it was the Canadian/Jamaican version of a sankie. Always broke, short money for his phone, for food, for his kids you name it he didn't have the money for it.
I think as women we try to nuture and care - and if that means helping out with money we do not hesitate if we believe that we are in a genuine relationship with that person. It is only after we find out about the lies (and there are always plenty of them) that we see that we were in a committed relationship by ourselves - the only person your partner cared about was themselves.
It's tough to admit to yourself never mind to your family and friends. At least you found the courage to cancel your sponsorship. Despite all the bad things that still had to be very difficult to do.
It is a hard life lesson but one I'm sure you will not forget and not repeat.
Best of luck to you.
Ladies.. I fell in love with a nice, sweet Dominican man and then married him. All was good until I got married. Then all of the sudden he didn't work anymore, he needed money for everything. He has bled me dry and I owe thousands of dollars. I was still in the process of getting him to Canada. I have withdrawn my application to sponsor him after a very valuable lesson. When I met him, people told me to be careful!! However.. he seemed ok!! I have been sankified!! Please..please..please be careful!! Even though your man seems genuine, he may not be in the long run. Sorry if I have gotten anyones backs up but I am just trying to save someone the same grief and humiliation!! My back was up when I was warned and I must say I have learned a very valuable lesson I will never forget!
Hi Care Bear,
I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't feel embarrassed, you are brave for coming on here and warning others. You are one of the lucky that realized she was being scammed before getting him to Canada or potentially loosing more than just cash.
These sankies are the scum of the earth and they gives us Dominicans a bad rep. Where are their morals? What kind of people raised an individual that thinks scamming and hurting others is an acceptable thing to do? I'm so disappointed/sad everything time I hear one of these stories, specially when friends/family are willing participants in the scam. It shows that these people think there is nothing wrong with what they are doing and it's just a means to an end.
Thanks for sharing your story...im sure it hits home with a lot of people that have shared a similar one over the years and maybe some unsuspecting women that are going through the same thing right now.
It is helpful to see what type of reasons/emergencies etc that the sankies use to play on the emotions of the other person to make them feel like they need/want/have to send the money....hopefully it will help someone else to be more aware before its too late.
I wish you all the best.
Sangria
Carebear, i am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. But as everyone is saying, move on, and dont fret too much.
Your story could help many, dont be jaded, bitter etc, just learn from this and move forward.
Maybe someone lurking on this sites will think twice about her cute relationship with that poor dude shes marrying that has such a great heart...........:cheeky:
Your story could help many, dont be jaded, bitter etc, just learn from this and move forward.
Maybe someone lurking on this sites will think twice about her cute relationship with that poor dude shes marrying that has such a great heart...........:cheeky:
sorry for you and hopefully it will help other people in the same situation!
are you gonna be able to divorce easily?
and johana is right is not only the dominican republic who having this kind of situation but most of the poor touristic countries!
in europe the equivalent is tunisia,in north africa and im sure is even worse!
sanky there could teach the dominican more tricks!
are you gonna be able to divorce easily?
and johana is right is not only the dominican republic who having this kind of situation but most of the poor touristic countries!
in europe the equivalent is tunisia,in north africa and im sure is even worse!
sanky there could teach the dominican more tricks!