DV8,
Let me tell you how we do it.
1. I send the redhead and the monkey by taxi to the consulate from the colonial zone. It only costs around $300 pesos. Then i find a nice cafe (Segafredo) and wait for them to return by taxi.
2. After they depart for the US Consulate, I go to a nice cafe in the Colonial Zone and get settled in, get comfortable. I put my "Girl Watcher" dark sunglasses on and order a cappuccino and wait for the girls to walk past. I'm a professional I like watching girls walk by...bye, bye, bye.
I then pull out my laptop and try and invent the most outrageous lies in the universe that i can think of while i get high on caffeine. I am a professional liar, as well as a professional coffee drinker. I like to Girl Watch and type away. After about two or three hours of crazy lying, i get up and take a nice long walk around the Colonial Zone. I go to the gym, do some more Girl Watching at the gym, then head back to the cafe and re-invent more lies.
Basically, i've written two books while waiting for the redhead and monkey to try and snake through the US Consulate line that wraps around the island twice...maybe three times on Friday. Two weeks ago, we did the whole thing all over again, and i wrote a third book. No joke. It's coming out next week. I wrote the whole thing while i waited a fortnight for them to renew their Visas. Then i waited another fortnight while they renewed their Cedulas and Immigration papers--which involved going to a hospital and watching nurses text on their cell phones for hours while they patiently waited for their turn to give blood and take turns urinating in front of very large, obese women that painted their finger nails and gossiped about Novellas (soap operas).
The monkey got bored and decided to chew on the curtains. Then she ate the curtains inside the hospital while the nurses chatted and texted away with invisible boyfriends. The nurses didn't care about the monkey eating their curtains. They didn't buy them.
Frank